Sexual Abuse, Finding Your Sexual Identity...

[Mugsammy]

First let me state that I'm not trying to offend anyone, especially the TG ladies. This is my story and it's honest and truthful.

There are threads in here titled "gay or straight", "straight"...that sort of thing. I don't think this subject fits into either of those nor could I find one that I thought touched the actual subject.

People do things, act out, for many reasons. One of the reasons are sexual abuse. As individuals how we act out can be very different. Some people adjust, some hide it somewhere inside, some can live and lead a normal life as if nothing happened. They are the lucky ones.

Others resort to drugs and/or sex, crime or in the worst situation...abusers themselves. Not so lucky ones.

Scenario, adolescent male, molested several times by an older same sex relative. This child then experiences a lifetime of self esteem problems and wondering about his sexuality. "Am I gay?" "Am I bi?" But he never acts on his emotions, realizing that sex acts with another male is absurd. But there was a strong interest in the cock, it was all about THE COCK!

Then he discovers Transgender and sees that there are many truly beautiful, sexy, feminine TG ladies...his interest is peaked! After awhile he decides to make a go for it, makes a phone call, sets up a date...off he goes.

From here on I'm going to use myself as the subject. It's easier for me to explain this way.

I had my first experience with a lovely TG escort (my first escort ever in my life) it was like I was out of my body...I couldn't believe what I was doing. "WTF are you doing!" is what was going through my head the entire time. The actual sex act was not the main focus in my head, disbelief was. When driving home afterwards I had to pull to the curb...I held back tears, almost got sick. It wasn't because of the beautiful TG lady I was just with...it was because I had a cock in my mouth.

Although I very much enjoyed the girls themselves, their bodies, their company...it was when I got to the cock that got all this stuff going off in my head.

I tried to explain to one girl that I don't think I like it. She laughed at me and said "that's what they all say!" I said "no, really...I don't like it." She didn't believe me.

But I continued on. I had to know for sure.

Recently I met a beautiful mature TG lady who picked up on my apprehension rather quickly. She asked me "why are you doing this? I think that you should be sticking to GG's, I don't think this is for you." She just sensed it. So we chatted for a long while...the outcome...she was right.

Shortly thereafter doubts started again. I met with another young TG (I did a review) but the feeling was the same.

After another week or so a very popular and well known girl came to town. I thought "one more try!" We arranged a meet, she was georgous, face, hair, a bit shy...everything appealing to me, everything I liked in a woman. But, I immediately thought of cock and realized I couldn't do it anymore. So she and I chatted for a bit, we hugged a few times...truly a lovely girl...I paid her for wasting her time then I left.

So what is this thread all about? Sexual identity? It took me 45 years to do what I was always curious about, 45 years of wondering about cock. Was this because of the abuse?

In the past 20 months I gave blowjobs to several TG ladies, the last one being very recently. I didn't want any of them to service me, only me servicing them. When we kiss or when I was pleasuring their bodies I was erect, when I got to their cock...my erection went down. With pussy I'm hard for hours, it never goes down!

After all of this I think what I'm getting at is that the road isn't always straight. It bends, curves, twists and turns.

My point is...if you don't believe that a straight man can suck a cock...you're wrong! Yes he can!

You have to know the whole story behind the man. The story about finding yourself and figuring out who and what you are. About remembering and/or forgetting your past.

Yes, a straight my can perform what is otherwise considered a homosexual act. I am proof! Do I doubt my sexuality...NOT!

I can also say I have a very very short list of TG ladies I would truly love to meet. They know who they are, I wasn't shy about telling them so. Will I be able to carry out my mission? Will these ladies still want to meet me should they read this?

Guess we have to wait to see. I hope so.

[toban]

I can readily believe the problem you are having Mugsammy!

I can readily believe the problem you are having Mugsammy! This unfortunate reaction you relate here may very well be a result of some unsavoury incident you intimated took place in your past but I feel that the full resolution of your mission can not be assured until you resolve your inner struggle - your distaste (no pun intended) of COCK. I predict that you will require many years of intimate contact (therapeutic) before you’ll be able to overcome your revulsion of THE COCK while still enjoying all other aspects of that to which it is attached.

Have no fear either, that being the gentleman that you are, that the ladies will gladly continue to enjoy your vi$its with them.

It seems to me that the quandry you are experiencing after you’ve “been with” transgendered girls is much like that an alcoholic might experience when he has fallen prey to the devil, alcohol. He knows there’s no way he can successfully partake of that manna and he knows all too well the devastation it will cause him later, should he succumb, but just one smell of the cork and come morning, he will wail and harangue himself for being so powerless!

In your case, you have been overwhelmed by a desire to be with one of these delectable, special young ladies, several of whom you’ve recently grown to know, despite being cognizant that after “being with” any of them (in the biblical sense), you will be grossed out by your own actions and that self-loathing will surely follow too, yet you find yourself helpless, driven by that insuppressible urge to proceed.

Perhaps a name for this obsession/addiction/craze that plagues you might be useful to us - how about "transphalliphobia" ?

[LOLA_]

Canada has so much label , European are more open minded and can mix up all the sexual preference; as an European I know before transformation I always had straight boyfriends. There are so real points in American Culture , included Canada , you can not pass your prefer !..

its like a taboo here ; why not every one be happy with each other, one nigh you sleep with a man , the other night sleep with a woman ( Why not )

First let me state that I'm not trying to offend anyone, especially the TG ladies. This is my story and it's honest and truthful.

There are threads in here titled "gay or straight", "straight"...that sort of thing. I don't think this subject fits into either of those nor could I find one that I thought touched the actual subject.

People do things, act out, for many reasons. One of the reasons are sexual abuse. As individuals how we act out can be very different. Some people adjust, some hide it somewhere inside, some can live and lead a normal life as if nothing happened. They are the lucky ones.

Others resort to drugs and/or sex, crime or in the worst situation...abusers themselves. Not so lucky ones.

Scenario, adolescent male, molested several times by an older same sex relative. This child then experiences a lifetime of self esteem problems and wondering about his sexuality. "Am I gay?" "Am I bi?" But he never acts on his emotions, realizing that sex acts with another male is absurd. But there was a strong interest in the cock, it was all about THE COCK!

Then he discovers Transgender and sees that there are many truly beautiful, sexy, feminine TG ladies...his interest is peaked! After awhile he decides to make a go for it, makes a phone call, sets up a date...off he goes.

From here on I'm going to use myself as the subject. It's easier for me to explain this way.

I had my first experience with a lovely TG escort (my first escort ever in my life) it was like I was out of my body...I couldn't believe what I was doing. "WTF are you doing!" is what was going through my head the entire time. The actual sex act was not the main focus in my head, disbelief was. When driving home afterwards I had to pull to the curb...I held back tears, almost got sick. It wasn't because of the beautiful TG lady I was just with...it was because I had a cock in my mouth.

Although I very much enjoyed the girls themselves, their bodies, their company...it was when I got to the cock that got all this stuff going off in my head.

I tried to explain to one girl that I don't think I like it. She laughed at me and said "that's what they all say!" I said "no, really...I don't like it." She didn't believe me.

But I continued on. I had to know for sure.

Recently I met a beautiful mature TG lady who picked up on my apprehension rather quickly. She asked me "why are you doing this? I think that you should be sticking to GG's, I don't think this is for you." She just sensed it. So we chatted for a long while...the outcome...she was right.

Shortly thereafter doubts started again. I met with another young TG (I did a review) but the feeling was the same.

After another week or so a very popular and well known girl came to town. I thought "one more try!" We arranged a meet, she was georgous, face, hair, a bit shy...everything appealing to me, everything I liked in a woman. But, I immediately thought of cock and realized I couldn't do it anymore. So she and I chatted for a bit, we hugged a few times...truly a lovely girl...I paid her for wasting her time then I left.

So what is this thread all about? Sexual identity? It took me 45 years to do what I was always curious about, 45 years of wondering about cock. Was this because of the abuse?

In the past 20 months I gave blowjobs to several TG ladies, the last one being very recently. I didn't want any of them to service me, only me servicing them. When we kiss or when I was pleasuring their bodies I was erect, when I got to their cock...my erection went down. With pussy I'm hard for hours, it never goes down!

After all of this I think what I'm getting at is that the road isn't always straight. It bends, curves, twists and turns.

My point is...if you don't believe that a straight man can suck a cock...you're wrong! Yes he can!

You have to know the whole story behind the man. The story about finding yourself and figuring out who and what you are. About remembering and/or forgetting your past.

Yes, a straight my can perform what is otherwise considered a homosexual act. I am proof! Do I doubt my sexuality...NOT!

I can also say I have a very very short list of TG ladies I would truly love to meet. They know who they are, I wasn't shy about telling them so. Will I be able to carry out my mission? Will these ladies still want to meet me should they read this?

Guess we have to wait to see. I hope so.

[Mugsammy]

Lmao!!!

I can readily believe the problem you are having Mugsammy! This unfortunate reaction you relate here may very well be a result of some unsavoury incident you intimated took place in your past but I feel that the full resolution of your mission can not be assured until you resolve your inner struggle - your distaste (no pun intended) of COCK. I predict that you will require many years of intimate contact (therapeutic) before you?ll be able to overcome your revulsion of THE COCK while still enjoying all other aspects of that to which it is attached.

Have no fear either, that being the gentleman that you are, that the ladies will gladly continue to enjoy your vi$its with them.

It seems to me that the quandry you are experiencing after you?ve ?been with? transgendered girls is much like that an alcoholic might experience when he has fallen prey to the devil, alcohol. He knows there?s no way he can successfully partake of that manna and he knows all too well the devastation it will cause him later, should he succumb, but just one smell of the cork and come morning, he will wail and harangue himself for being so powerless!

In your case, you have been overwhelmed by a desire to be with one of these delectable, special young ladies, several of whom you?ve recently grown to know, despite being cognizant that after ?being with? any of them (in the biblical sense), you will be grossed out by your own actions and that self-loathing will surely follow, yet you find yourself helpless, driven by that insuppressible urge to proceed.

Perhaps a name for this obsession/addiction/craze that plagues you might be useful to us - how about "transphalliphobia" ?

I don't know what to say! Tobin...that is one of the best comebacks I've seen anywhere!

[Mugsammy]

Beautiful Lola...

Canada has so much label , European are more open minded and can mix up all the sexual preference; as an European I know before transformation I always had straight boyfriends. There are so real points in American Culture , included Canada , you can not pass your prefer !..

its like a taboo here ; why not every one be happy with each other, one nigh you sleep with a man , the other night sleep with a woman ( Why not )

I agree with your comparison of Europe (not all Europe, some countries are still in the dark ages) and North America (except Quebec who are miles ahead of the rest of Canada) We are lagging far behind.

I'm not interested in any interaction with men. I know that for sure. There is one member in here who seems to think that I am homophobic...I certainly am not. It just doesn't appeal to me in any sense. I like to play games sometimes with those who get rude with me or start name calling. That's where the impression of homophobic comes from I believe. Either way, I really don't care.

Also, whether gay, bi, whatever...that's their business. I have a beautiful niece who recently got married...to another young woman. I have two gay uncles, my neighbours were a male gay couple who we had drinks and chats together regularly. I enjoyed our times together immensely! I had no problem being with them in public.

TG is the only stepping out for me and, she must be extremely feminine...like you...who is on my very very very short list BTW.

As you say, if same sex want to sleep together...that's their business...enjoy! I will not nor do I judge. But, for me personally it's not about labels...man man is just not for me. Lesbians or woman woman (woman includes TG) man...NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!

[SteveMcG]

For me...

I know I am certainly far further on the straight side of the spectrum as I love women and have been obsessed with them, with being with them and pleasing and flirting with them since I was a young, young boy. Some of my earliest memories were trying to kiss the girls in school all the time. The obsession continues. I'm married but the constant attraction and flirting and love continues.

that said, I also have become attracted to tgirls in the last 8-10 years culminating in a number of experiences over the last 3-4 years. I've fucked them, been sucked by them, been fucked by them and sucked them and I loved it all. I've felt (and continue to feel) guilty for cheating but I don't kill myself over what this makes me from a sexuality perspective.

despite what I've done with tgirls I still consider whacking off in front of another guy (he was too) while we were watching straight porn the gayest thing I've done.

weird eh?

but fuck it, I just don't try to overthink this shit. Just find your flow and go with it.

[Mugsammy]

Very good!

For me...

I know I am certainly far further on the straight side of the spectrum as I love women and have been obsessed with them, with being with them and pleasing and flirting with them since I was a young, young boy. Some of my earliest memories were trying to kiss the girls in school all the time. The obsession continues. I'm married but the constant attraction and flirting and love continues.

that said, I also have become attracted to tgirls in the last 8-10 years culminating in a number of experiences over the last 3-4 years. I've fucked them, been sucked by them, been fucked by them and sucked them and I loved it all. I've felt (and continue to feel) guilty for cheating but I don't kill myself over what this makes me from a sexuality perspective.

despite what I've done with tgirls I still consider whacking off in front of another guy (he was too) while we were watching straight porn the gayest thing I've done.

weird eh?

but fuck it, I just don't try to overthink this shit. Just find your flow and go with it.

We do share some similarities, particularly to the women. My real true love(s)!

You mention guilty over cheating...I strongly feel that that is my biggest problem in what I'm doing, why I can't relax and enjoy my time with a TG woman. I also have strong feelings that "you only live once!"

The two feelings are clashing big time!

Before I die I'm going to enjoy (try to enjoy) two 3somes. Me with two GG's (I've enjoyed one when I was younger) and the other...me, a TG and a GG. I have a powerful fantasy to make a TG cum so hard that she almost passes out from pleasure.

I've thought of me with two TG's but if I'm having difficulty with one...two makes no sense. Plus I only have one mouth...my bum bum is not up for play. I have no idea how this type of situation could play out that all three will have a good time.

I've never been fucked nor have I fucked a TG. My getting fucked does not interest me. My realizing and experiencing TG has only been the past 20 or so months. I'm a healthy, vibrant, young at heart 59 year old.

I've never had any kind of sexual interaction with another male. I can honestly say that I would never partake even in a 3 way with another male. If there's two cocks working the same job and one of them is mine, the other cock will be attached to a TG. That's the only way possible. People can call it, or me, what they want. There is just absolutely no desire in such type of situations.

[TSFantasia]

I'm Just a Tourist Not A Citizen

I think that a person's "sexual identity" is identified by one's over all activities and preferences not just individual acts. Who a person is attracted to on an emotional, mental, and sexual level is probably a more obvious indicator as to one's sexual identity or orientation than what a person is open to experiencing on a sexual level.

We are sexual beings and whatever we associate with sexual stimulation and pleasure is going to become ingrained in our psyche and all it takes is open mindedness for any straight man to enjoy a TG woman since all the normal attraction and arousal triggers are there except one.

I enjoy visiting Mexico as a tourist, eating Mexican food, enjoying Mexican art & culture for the few weeks I am there but that doesn't make me Mexican just a tourist trying out a new culture.
So yes I do get the whole "I'm straight but still enjoy a beautiful t-girl with a cock" idea

[Mugsammy]

Well put Fantasia....

I think that a person's "sexual identity" is identified by one's over all activities and preferences not just individual acts. Who a person is attracted to on an emotional, mental, and sexual level is probably a more obvious indicator as to one's sexual identity or orientation than what a person is open to experiencing on a sexual level.

We are sexual beings and whatever we associate with sexual stimulation and pleasure is going to become ingrained in our psyche and all it takes is open mindedness for any straight man to enjoy a TG woman since all the normal attraction and arousal triggers are there except one.

I enjoy visiting Mexico as a tourist, eating Mexican food, enjoying Mexican art & culture for the few weeks I am there but that doesn't make me Mexican just a tourist trying out a new culture.
So yes I do get the whole "I'm straight but still enjoy a beautiful t-girl with a cock" idea

I find myself in here...letting the ladies that I'm interested in...know that I'm interested. These girls already know who they are, I told them. They will know it's MUGSAMMY when I make an appointment. I sent them a photo of myself. I know what they look like, why not they know what I look like.

I've never seen a TG lady outside of business...that I know of. When I meet them and they're in sexy attire well...what can I say...YAAA BA DUB-A DOOOO!!! Otherwise only women attract me.

When (if) we finally meet it won't seem like we're total strangers.

Also, good or bad, however un-informed I may be...whatever I write in here, I follow these particular girls. Try to see how they think, how they play. I like nice girls with a sense of humor, not too brash. I'm polite, a gentleman who opens doors and let's ladies go first. What I hope to find is chemistry, beauty and sensibility. There is no shortage!!

Beauty I don't have...sensibility...sometimes I wonder so, who am I to judge!

Even though the girls are professional...I need it for myself. Because my goal is to pleasure her.