Money!

[Lani]

There is a problem with the picture you posted. I can't see it ?

Okay, I see it now, but those aren't T-Girls ?

Oh Snoods! I know your good.

What do you think?

[snoodle]

The one in the middle is okay !

[Lani]

One Testicle

THE INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE


There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone', he hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill him!'

The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustions.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird who was Blue Bird's cousin was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'


Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why?

OH, come on...take a guess!

Think about it


You're going to love this!































































You can't kill two birds with one stone!!

[Admin]

That reminds me of the single testicles coffee farmer from Columbia named,
Juan Baldez

[toban]

Newfie Logic

Always did find the Newfoundland Logic far superior to most others!!!

A man and his wife, moved back home to Newfoundland, from Ontario . The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Ontario was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an insurance agency, to see how much it would cost to insure. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Ontario!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:

*Any wooden structure, with an overhead sprinkler system, is $39.00.*

[toban]

Hypnotist at the Seniors Home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite 2 or three people up here to be put in a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotists fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

As the dismayed hypnotist surveyed the scattered parts of his valuable keepsake watch, he muttered but one solitary word, - Shit!.




It took them three days to clean up the mess in the senior centre.

The Dude's crappy post [http://tgirlforums.com/yabbse/showpo...5&postcount=32] was the inspiration for this story, but please do not go there!

[Lani]

Men Are Just...............

Men are just happier people



NICKNAMES

. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, and Four eyes.


EATING OUT

. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50 none of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want a change back.
. When the girls get their bill, out come the calculators.


MONEY

. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel.
. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

. A woman has the last word in any argument.
. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husbands.
. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.-maybe



NATURAL

.Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
.Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

. Ah, children a woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods secret fears and hopes and dreams.
. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing!

[Lani]

Counselling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow, The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'


The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesday, but on Fridays, I golf.'

[Lani]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite 2 or three people up here to be put in a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotists fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

As the dismayed hypnotist surveyed the scattered parts of his valuable keepsake watch, he muttered but one solitary word, - Shit!.




It took them three days to clean up the mess in the senior centre.

Very very funny!!! Almost made me do the same thing in my pants.

Thanks! for this post Mr B.

[toban]

Eve?s Side of the Story

Eve?s Side of the Story

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one
pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my
arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They
are a real pain,' reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears,etc ....... she felt that
having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically
balanced,' as she put it.

'That is a fair point,' replied God, ' But this was my first shot at this,
you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed
only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right
away.' And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it
into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'but for one oversight on your part. You
see all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has
her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
create a man from a part of you. Now let's see ..... where did I put
that useless tit? '


Now doesn't THAT make a lot more sense than all that crap about the rib?

[Lani]

'the Obedient Wife'

'The obedient wife'


There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.


Well he died, and was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her, When they finished the ceremony, and just! before the undertaker close the casket,


The wife said,


' Wait just a moment! '

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket, then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away, So her friend said,

'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'


The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm! a Christian;

I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'


You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'


'I sure did,' said the wife. ' I got it all together, put it into
my account, and wrote him a check....

If he can cash it, then he can spend it.'







My tribute to every clever female/tgirl you know, and to every man

Who thinks they are smarter than us !!!

[sensual_lover20]

My First Joke

A girl gets into her boyfriends car looking sad. He asks caringly, "Honey, whats wrong?" She lets out a sob and looks over at her boyfriend. She answers, "My mom says I cant see you anymore." "Why not?" he asks. "She says youre a pedophile answers the girlfriend. "Pedophile?" says the boyfriend "That's a big word for a seven year old!"

[Lani]

Awwwwwwwww!!!!! your first joke

A girl gets into her boyfriends car looking sad. He asks caringly, "Honey, whats wrong?" She lets out a sob and looks over at her boyfriend. She answers, "My mom says I cant see you anymore." "Why not?" he asks. "She says youre a pedophile answers the girlfriend. "Pedophile?" says the boyfriend "That's a big word for a seven year old!"

It's alright!! we know you're a very good accountant.

Keep your day job is my advice.

[toban]

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up
leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her
around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three
shelv es in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy
bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was
obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and
she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into
organizing the display, There were small bears all along the bottom
shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and
huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large
collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side
but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my
God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the
lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her
in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each
other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that
she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has
ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive
guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls
over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her
eyes, and says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"

[cobbler]

CNN reports

That's a Bill Maher joke from a "New Rules episode of last year.
Quote your sources!