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Context: I'm 32, healthy, clean, cis-gendered heterosexual male looking for a first time experience in Toronto, in a happy monogamous relationship, we both work in trans healthcare in town, and we're exploring adding in experiences with new people to our lives in an effort to be more sex positive.
I found this forum tonight while trying to schedule an afternoon with someone for my first time with a trans woman. I found a post about 30 tips for people who are looking to hire someone, but it was mostly a list of things NOT to do. Totally get it, it can be dangerous work and the whole process should be as safe as possible. What I thought about though is it can be kinda difficult to know what TO do, and where, and how to go about it.
I just wanted to post, in part to talk through my own experience, to hear from others who may be stuck in the same spot I am, and to get advice on what the best way to approach it is in the future.
In reading other topics and other sites it seems like there's a big barrier for first timers in just getting a understanding of how things work and where to go. There's dozens of sites offering services but not all seem legit, there's hundreds of profiles but it's not clear to us which are legit and which are not, there's also often a different phone number for the same girl on every site she's listed on, most texts go un-answered, in part because we don't exactly know what to say in a first text (Do we propose a time? Do we ask for availability? Do we say what we're looking for specifically? Do we send a photo for verification? Nobody's profile tells us what to do) sometimes when you text you only get back one-word responses which doesn't help move things along, and since I don't know what information needs to be shared to move along (Do I need to go get STI testing? How is payment handled? What about discretion when it comes to the fact we work in healthcare and want to make sure we're not crossing any boundaries with anyone who may be a client) I can't seem to get very far in the process.
Obviously I understand and appreciate that the communities for this line of work are often sort of on the move because of the pigs in each city and their totally regressive approach to policing sex work, so to some extent I get that sites and postings aren't going to be really formalized until these workers are treated like human beings who are just doing their fucking jobs.
Still, as a first timer that situation yields a bit of a cloud of uncertainty over the whole process and when I look for more guidance on where to go or what to do a lot of the comments I find are people saying things like "Just go through the usual channels!" but those "usual" channels aren't usual to the people who have no knowledge of them, so we get kinda stuck in this nether region where it's a chicken or egg situation.
So yeah, I'm a little frustrated, I've been looking to spend some time with someone, someone that I can actually see sort of frequently and who can kind of become part of our larger love life, and these sorts of barriers are sort of discouraging. Like, it would be really helpful to even just know what information someone needs from me in my first point of contact. If they prefer text I wanna know if they need to know my vaxx status, my age, my location, I wanna know if I suggest a time or if they do etc... And it would be really helpful to know how to weed out what's legit vs what's not.
Like maybe I'm being super paranoid, but there's probably sting operations sometimes too right? The cops seem to care way more about criminalizing sex work than fixing anything actually wrong in this town I kinda have this nagging thought in my head that I'm just gonna get scooped up just because I wanted to meet someone.
Has anyone had a similar experience and got through it OK? What worked for you?
And if anyone actually wants to point me in the direction of people in Toronto I'd be super thankful to get some referrals haha. I'm looking for something so low-impact too! Cuddling and some oral and just getting to know you stuff, I don't even wanna receive, just give! How is it this hard to give someone a blowjob!?!? :P
Thanks to anyone who made it this far xoxo
I found this forum tonight while trying to schedule an afternoon with someone for my first time with a trans woman. I found a post about 30 tips for people who are looking to hire someone, but it was mostly a list of things NOT to do. Totally get it, it can be dangerous work and the whole process should be as safe as possible. What I thought about though is it can be kinda difficult to know what TO do, and where, and how to go about it.
I just wanted to post, in part to talk through my own experience, to hear from others who may be stuck in the same spot I am, and to get advice on what the best way to approach it is in the future.
In reading other topics and other sites it seems like there's a big barrier for first timers in just getting a understanding of how things work and where to go. There's dozens of sites offering services but not all seem legit, there's hundreds of profiles but it's not clear to us which are legit and which are not, there's also often a different phone number for the same girl on every site she's listed on, most texts go un-answered, in part because we don't exactly know what to say in a first text (Do we propose a time? Do we ask for availability? Do we say what we're looking for specifically? Do we send a photo for verification? Nobody's profile tells us what to do) sometimes when you text you only get back one-word responses which doesn't help move things along, and since I don't know what information needs to be shared to move along (Do I need to go get STI testing? How is payment handled? What about discretion when it comes to the fact we work in healthcare and want to make sure we're not crossing any boundaries with anyone who may be a client) I can't seem to get very far in the process.
Obviously I understand and appreciate that the communities for this line of work are often sort of on the move because of the pigs in each city and their totally regressive approach to policing sex work, so to some extent I get that sites and postings aren't going to be really formalized until these workers are treated like human beings who are just doing their fucking jobs.
Still, as a first timer that situation yields a bit of a cloud of uncertainty over the whole process and when I look for more guidance on where to go or what to do a lot of the comments I find are people saying things like "Just go through the usual channels!" but those "usual" channels aren't usual to the people who have no knowledge of them, so we get kinda stuck in this nether region where it's a chicken or egg situation.
So yeah, I'm a little frustrated, I've been looking to spend some time with someone, someone that I can actually see sort of frequently and who can kind of become part of our larger love life, and these sorts of barriers are sort of discouraging. Like, it would be really helpful to even just know what information someone needs from me in my first point of contact. If they prefer text I wanna know if they need to know my vaxx status, my age, my location, I wanna know if I suggest a time or if they do etc... And it would be really helpful to know how to weed out what's legit vs what's not.
Like maybe I'm being super paranoid, but there's probably sting operations sometimes too right? The cops seem to care way more about criminalizing sex work than fixing anything actually wrong in this town I kinda have this nagging thought in my head that I'm just gonna get scooped up just because I wanted to meet someone.
Has anyone had a similar experience and got through it OK? What worked for you?
And if anyone actually wants to point me in the direction of people in Toronto I'd be super thankful to get some referrals haha. I'm looking for something so low-impact too! Cuddling and some oral and just getting to know you stuff, I don't even wanna receive, just give! How is it this hard to give someone a blowjob!?!? :P
Thanks to anyone who made it this far xoxo
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