Last Post of 2008: For Guys Only

[Foxy Basket]

First off, this is the last public post I'm making for the rest of 2008. I'm taking a break from this place, perhaps permanently - there's too much fighting, drama, and stupidity here, and it's always the same things, over and over. It got old, and fast.

Like I mentioned, it's bringing out the worst in me. Too many posts make me want to strangle the person who wrote them, because I know they'd never say such things in person, or anywhere outside this forum. Sometimes I go way over the top, because of all the other shit that pisses me off. It boils over on one particularly ridiculous post, and the more I read, the more caustic I get.

Look, we're not all going to be friends, but why do we have to be enemies? The people here are mostly supportive of us, so why don't we focus our energies on those who aren't? These guys/girls aren't going to throw beer bottles and hot coffee at us (which happened to the Homewood/Maitland girls), so why are we fighting with each other over the internet? It makes me so angry that there's so much energy and fire among us, but we can't focus it in the right direction - we just torch each other instead.

It's not like you guys are helping, either! If you're not content to sit back and watch us rip each other apart, you jump in and take sides in things that don't concern you. It usually makes things worse.

Some of you fetishize and dehumanize the hell out of us; you sit behind your computers and slice us into pieces, treat us like sex toys, then go jerk off to our porn. I hope, someday, you get to feel what that's like.

Obviously there are many exceptions, and you know who you are. But also, there are many more offenders, and you (we) know it too. The air in here is acrid and poisonous, and I can't breathe anymore. Seriously, don't we have more important things to worry about?

However, I'm making good on a promise before I fuck off for a few weeks. Of all the suggestions for my next column, the best one was "How can a guy come out as an admirer/chaser/trans lover/trans-sensual?" It's a very tough question to answer, and I don't think I can do it without help. It's important to make sure the girl also feels respected and cared for during this disclosure, and that part, I can help with. But the rest is very much up to you.

TO THE GUYS ONLY:

Imagine that you were with your trans partner, and happened to run into someone you knew and respected; say, a family member, or very close friend. All of a sudden, you've been "outed" as someone who dates/sleeps with "that" kind of person. How would you handle it? What questions do you see as being hard to answer? What scares you about that scenario, if anything? If you had to go through that experience, what would be the hardest part?

That's the part I don't know - and I want you to post, PM or email your thoughts to me. It's something that a lot of people worry about, and I promised I'd write a column about it.

Just the guys on this one, ok? There are plenty of other threads for the girls to post in, and skipping out on this thread might make the guys more confident, and more likely to be honest. You girls start filling this thread with comments, and the guys might disappear altogther.

I hope to have my new column done sometime before Christmas, so please send me your thoughts (sooner rather than later). I'll be checking e-mails and answering PMs, and making sure I still win the hockey pool, but I won't be posting anything else until this forum gets its act together.

[Crossover1]

Nikki, I agree with most of what you say but it doesn't strike you as the least bit ironic that you moan about us men cutting you into pieces and jerking off to you while you have a link to your escorting ad.

You have chosen to turn yourself into a sex object. As Dave Chappelle says with sarcasm "I always jerk off to a girl's personality."

I think it has more to do with the nature of these boards than it does the particularities of men and trannies. Without touch and face-to-face conversation, we are lost, and most have no idea why they're so angry online. We didn't evolve this way.

Anyway, happy holiday to you!

[sensual_lover20]

"Some of you fetishize and dehumanize the hell out of us; you sit behind your computers and slice us into pieces, treat us like sex toys, then go jerk off to our porn. I hope, someday, you get to feel what that's like."

Harsh statement. Luckily it only applies to some of us

I would reply to the guys only section but I have a lot to say and not enough time. Unfortunately, I won't be out tonight at Goodhandy's

[Foxy Basket]

Clarification

"Some of you fetishize and dehumanize the hell out of us; you sit behind your computers and slice us into pieces, treat us like sex toys, then go jerk off to our porn. I hope, someday, you get to feel what that's like."

You can sexualize someone without objectifying them. You can be attracted to them physically and still respect them as a person. You can enjoy watching tgirl porn and still treat tgirls as human beings. This was mostly meant for the guys who say things like "tgirls are only good for fucking" or "you people are crazy, I would never want to meet a tgirl socially" and stuff like that.

I don't pretend that I'm not sexualized by clients and admirers, but it doesn't have to be an either/or situation. You can enjoy sex with someone without treating them as being inferior, or subhuman; maybe I'm naive, but as I've said many times before, I'm a sexual being, not a sexual object, and I enjoy sex a lot more with actual people, rather than objects. I just don't want you guys to forget that. The majority of you are respectful, but for those of you that aren't, I stand by my original statement.

[kristopin]

there has to be some truth for your article

TO THE GUYS ONLY:

Imagine that you were with your trans partner, and happened to run into someone you knew and respected; say, a family member, or very close friend. All of a sudden, you've been "outed" as someone who dates/sleeps with "that" kind of person. How would you handle it? What questions do you see as being hard to answer? What scares you about that scenario, if anything? If you had to go through that experience, what would be the hardest part?

Dear Nikki,
If someone has already made personal decisions about there sexual identity and preference and is comfortable with it then they really should not have much problem with their being suddenly "outed". They have made their choice and should have no feeling of shame or anything else. I would imagine the situation would be similar to discovering you were gay and had come out of the closet. I think the difficulty here would be if a person was still in the experimental stages and was suddenly "outed". This could be very awkward as that person would not only be in a position to explain (or not) to who has "outed" them but they would also have to internalise faster than they were ready for. If a married man is out with someone then gets "outed" that is a whole different story, with so manys branches, i.e. cheating, adulterer, pervert, divorce, etc, a very messy situation.

I have touched on this in other posts and there may be more info you can get from them. A person who has discovered that they are extremely attrached to tgirls and this has been missing in their lives must at some point also start to transition, they have to emotionally accept what they want and decide it is also natural. They have to be comfortable with this. they have to know themselves. then thay can be true to themselves and their partners and to anyone who wants to know.

Personally i have come very very close to coming out in the last few days.
Considering my health issues i have to be careful. I may reach a point where in order to 'become' myself then i will have to fulfill my transition.

cheers hope this helps. happy holidays.

[cobbler]

I honestly don't know what I would do if my taste for the sexually exotic became known to my family and close circle of friends. I prefer not to dwell on it as the whole taboo nature of the activity is part of the attraction for me. That said, I don't think I objectify trans women, or escorts of any stripe. For me sex is partly genital but mainly mental. I can't get aroused if I don't connect in a more meaningful way than "nice ass".
As for the nattering nabobs of negativity (apologies to Spiro Agnew) on the forum, I think the fact that they are not held accountable for what they say has more to do with it than any other reason. They sit in their basements and can feel important by slamming other people knowing they are safe from direct scrutiny. It's unfortunate that they don't have anything else of interest and meaning in their lives but such is the way of the world. Doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is my mantra. It doesn't mean I don't feel the same rage against the mean spiritedness of some people, but I try not to let it blind me to the beauty to be found in the free exchange of ideas with free thinking and generous souls.
Nikki, take a well deserved hiatus from the whole thing if you must but please come back. Your input to the dialogue is without equal from what I've seen on here.
My two cents for what that's worth these days.

[Rantsalot]

...

I surely hope people take into great consideration as to what Nikki has written here. I'm so happy and inspired by this

Perhaps it's because I'm a guy or that I'm at most times going against the grain on topics here and that may be why some people won't listen

If you won't listen to me then listen to her.

We both have many similar views on this.



Time and again there have been a select few who have posted here subjects about t women without objectifying them or trivializing them or the like but of course there are hundreds of other threads that counter them that just view the t woman as nothing more than just a fetish so to speak. I often wonder why people like t women in the first place.

Now I'm going to make a shocking revelation here too everyone. Upon reading thread after thread after thread it's always that these ladies are referred to as "shemales" "transexuals" (believe me I've read much here) but not once here have I seen a guy ... not a girl but a guy make a statement by saying that they are human beings. Seems many people have forgot that or have sub consciously withdrew that idea. Sure you may think that you've always thought that way but have you really? Truly have you sat yourself down and thought about that?

Yes. There might be a large majority of women here who post that are escorts and to some guys just the word "escort" alone harbors the idea that these people are beneath them. Well, that could simply be because they know of no other way to behave and react and that they refuse to accept them equally which is a terrible combination. Tends to bring out this "mightier than thou" feeling which gets a few to justify...bah..I don't need to know or want to know anything about these women.

Fine. Live however you want as to each their own but don't get in my face or any girls' face or anyone elses face fo that matter and preach your superiority.

It was best said how some people here act so differently offline when meeting someone like Nikki in person. That's just beyond me as to how those that write so maliciously here put up this facade or barrier once the protection of the computer screen is gone. We could argue that that's what this forum or in general internet forums are for and that is to express oneself freely in any fashion they seem fit but man, those that adopt this "alter ego" to me are one of the worst types of people in general.

In short, liars.

I've made mention to this. Lie and you lose in any circumstance

This brings me to the previous comment about why men like t women. Don't lie to yourself about liking t women. Ok. For some its hard to accept the fact that they like t women whether its an issue of acceptance within themselves or family or friends or something like that and to others its relatively easy to handle as they can deal with the matter regardless of what may or has already happened but for anyone who cares enough to take this to heart there is help, dig deep and there is help if you need it whatever it may be.

Sex , porn, sensuality , relationships. Wow. What can be said about that. For some its precious to others its fun to others its just there. The perception to everyone with this and many other subjects is different of course but if you must share don't be an ass about your experiences. Yeah yeah yeah, this is a site about t women and there are advertisements for girls and posts about peoples "meet up", links to pornogrpahic material and all that and I've already expressed my feelings on that previously but its irrelevant to what I want to say.

You met or meet someone or saw something, you did whatever, it went well or it didn't go well, so go ahead share your comments however you seem fit or don't share your comments but for the love of Pete give you or that person or whomever/whatever may be involved the dignity they deserve. Question if the person / encounter that you comment about will or would accept what you have to say or didn't say then ask the same thing about yourself if it was you on the receiving end.



The quote is:

All of a sudden, you've been "outed" as someone who dates/sleeps with "that" kind of person. How would you handle it? What questions do you see as being hard to answer? What scares you about that scenario, if anything? If you had to go through that experience, what would be the hardest part?

I do not believe in "phases" or "theories" or anything along the line when it comes to the human condition about , personality, emotion, physicality etc.

For those that know me and I mean really know me my response to the quote is I wouldn't care what others thought about what I do. To those close to me such as my family and close friends well I've been very fortunate that they've accepted me without condition but...BUT there are still moments where I have a few verbal altercations. Not everything is rosy.


Ladies and gents I have more to say but there are other matters for me to attend too

I am not finished with this topic.

[sensual_lover20]

TO THE GUYS ONLY:

Imagine that you were with your trans partner, and happened to run into someone you knew and respected; say, a family member, or very close friend. All of a sudden, you've been "outed" as someone who dates/sleeps with "that" kind of person. How would you handle it? What questions do you see as being hard to answer? What scares you about that scenario, if anything? If you had to go through that experience, what would be the hardest part?

Dear Nikki,
If someone has already made personal decisions about there sexual identity and preference and is comfortable with it then they really should not have much problem with their being suddenly "outed". They have made their choice and should have no feeling of shame or anything else. I would imagine the situation would be similar to discovering you were gay and had come out of the closet. I think the difficulty here would be if a person was still in the experimental stages and was suddenly "outed". This could be very awkward as that person would not only be in a position to explain (or not) to who has "outed" them but they would also have to internalise faster than they were ready for. If a married man is out with someone then gets "outed" that is a whole different story, with so manys branches, i.e. cheating, adulterer, pervert, divorce, etc, a very messy situation.

I have touched on this in other posts and there may be more info you can get from them. A person who has discovered that they are extremely attrached to tgirls and this has been missing in their lives must at some point also start to transition, they have to emotionally accept what they want and decide it is also natural. They have to be comfortable with this. they have to know themselves. then thay can be true to themselves and their partners and to anyone who wants to know.

Personally i have come very very close to coming out in the last few days.
Considering my health issues i have to be careful. I may reach a point where in order to 'become' myself then i will have to fulfill my transition.

cheers hope this helps. happy holidays.

I completely agree with you here. I also want to add that for many they don't want to lose what they have now. Come to think of it, if you told your best friends and they didn't accept it then you wouldn't want them as friends in the first place. I am not saying that because of this you should go screaming your sexual preference (my personal provate preference) to the world, but if it ever came up to me that I was outed I would fess up and tell the truth. There would be no difficult questions they could ask me once outed (I just have to make sure my grandparents don't find out as it may literally kill them because they are over 90 and have weak hearts as is). I know for a fact my parents will still love me. Some people you just can't tell because they will never understand. My other relatives will probably joke about me behind my back, but never to my face. If word spread I was a gay or a fag for liking t-girls I would stand for my rights, verbally and then maybe physically (because people love to imagine gays are weak and pacifists). You may risk losing a job perhaps, but that is unlikely. They need a cause to terminate you as an employee and they know you will pull a sexual orientation card on them in court, besides that fact they think they will look diverse. If you do a good job, you keep your job, if you suck then your fired. At least in my field. It might be hard to deal with someone who looks up to you as a role model. At the end of the day, if you can put away societys thoughts about you it doesn't matter and you will be the winner at the end of the day. My two cents.

- SL20

PS: Bruce C., you saw me at Goodhandys, your the D1 for your club, if you read this please send me a PM. Might as well, you will be playing me in a few weeks.

[Dani]

Deleted by Admin

[milkandhoney]

Deleted by admin.

wow, dani. chill, man, chill. you sound kind of uhm, bitter.

[kristopin]

pretty ugly

Deleted by Admin

this has to be one of the ugliest if not the ugliest thing i have seen in this forum. astounding.

[toban]

this has to be one of the ugliest if not the ugliest thing i have seen in this forum. astounding.

Yes, that was very nasty and for a while yesterday, I was a bit concerned that Otis Driftwood had sneaked back into the Forum. Hopefully Dani will soon be feeling better and able to admit he was way out of line.

[sensual_lover20]

Nikki will be gone for sure once she reads that. Unfortunate.

[kristopin]

3 posts by dani

i dont think that a person that has done three posts can in reality make the statements that Dani has. i know i vented in my rant but it wasnt really pointed at anyone person and i very quickly realized an apology was in order.

i have learned a great deal reading through the posts and threads of this forum.

for some 'tgirls' are just a sexual fantasy played out.

for those of use who have internalised and realised who and what we are then we see 'tgirls' as people that we wish to get to know and have relations with.

some of use are still confused and not thinking straight.
but these are the ways it is with us.

it is the thoughts and opinions of the ladies that are important here. they are the ones that have made a gigantic life style change and stood by decisions amidst all kinds of personal loss and trauma. we should be thankful if we were half as strong.

these are just my opinions.
cheers chris.

[Rantsalot]

...

Deleted by admin.

3 posts since Jan 2008. Yes, some people including Dani may say so what . It's all about quality of the posts instead of quantity. Then again some people may just harbor the idea that there is no mettle to a member with so few posts. Frankly, it doesn't matter.

Now I know as others do very well that when someone such as Dani posts up a reply like this there is bound to be backlash by other members and that eventually the person who originally posted the horrific writings will only retaliate with some more verbal abuse, provide counter arguments, threaten and/or mock. It's natural and it's expected but really

What the fuck makes people think they can say that and get away with it.

I'm guessing cowards.



I said it in my other post. Some people just can not accept the term "escort". Buddy boy definitely proves that here. You talk about small mindedness I haven't seen anything so ludicrous than what was written by him.

Condescending posts? If this individual bothered to read what Nikki has written then maybe he'd see the majority of her threads we're all about bettering t woman relations and the community and sexual awareness etc etc and all in a positive tone. Then there is the term "sex crazed maniacs"?
He states it is but a fantasy for most why else would we pay for it? Frankly, that's the general consensus brought forth in general society going back since who knows how long. Perhaps he suffers from paradigm paralysis you know....the inability or refusal to see beyond the current models of thinking.

No wait. He'd probably retort.

We're the ones in denial. We're the one with paradigm paralysis.

Tell me if I'm wrong but I'm sure that maybe people donate for other reasons aside from the obvious.

There may be a thought pattern amongst some people saying

"Oh Rantsalot. Quit while you're ahead and stop trying to justify everyones actions stop with the defending of people coming to the aide of these ladies no one is being fooled here. What you portray is a clear image of what you and what everyone else really wants."

Bull shit.

If that's the case then I'm sure there would be great divisions here among the masses.

I would love to know what this person does for a living as well to make themself say "insignificant columnist". I'd love to know what his basis for comparison is.

Hmm.

Pat Buchanan
Rush Limbaugh
Rona Barrett
Joyce Brothers

Oh yes. I'm sure all of them had squeaky clean careers without any scandalous quotes or actions said by them or done to them. Hence the sarcasm.

Yeah but ... but...there's that escort thingy you know.

So freakin' what!

An Olympian is no better. What? Like they live perfect lives? How many times in every Olympiad do we hear claims and stories of drug use and all that garbage and in turn hearing that some Olympians permanently throw their careers away because of it.

What about actors? All that hype you hear about them breaking some kind of law and then paying off their sentence to avoid the responsible thing to do which is either doing time or community service or what not.

Damn. I'm sure Dani and others are thinking "I'm justifying again" providing statements irrelevant to the original post.

Yeah whatever.

Point being. If you don't like some of the people here here then either keep quiet or be civil or just leave.

I'm still not done with this topic. Got to end here though as errands call.