Regrets!

[Ana]

roflmfao danika lol what r ya smokin?

Now Lisa everyone has personal preferences and girls don't like it when guys put us down so why don't we make an example here.

[Rockheart]

roflmfao danika lol what r ya smokin?

Are you sure you know who danika is?
The one time I told you to check her out at goodhandy's you checked out the wrong person.

[tslisaparadise]

Are you sure you know who danika is?
The one time I told you to check her out at goodhandy's you checked out the wrong person.

lol,i did?my memory isnt all that good these days lol but ya i know who danika is and shes not even close to being the top,check out shemalecanada again youll find about 5 from montreal who are way hotter but hey thats just my opinion.

[Lani]

Bless your heart

To all of you, Thanks! and bless your heart.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope things start to come together for you and your family

Jenllani,


Wow, this is very sad news and it took a lot to share it with us. I know you must have been fighting back the emotions while writing this. Thank you so much for letting us into your heart and expressing your thoughts/feelings with such courage and grace!


You are always such a lady with a great heart and the most amazing outlook on life! I have always found your writings are the ones I sit back and read and can feel your feelings as the words hit my brain.


Writing has always helped me understand my feelings in a way that talking out load never could. When you start writing you sometimes never really read what you have written till it is all done and you do your re-read. Maybe this will be the case for you and it will help you heal and look at the positive. In life no matter how bad something is, there is always a positive, you just have to find it and allow yourself to enjoy it.


Death is never easy and there will always be regrets. But, you are strong and you need to remember the good times that you have shared with your brother. Death is a part of life, a part many of us I am sure wish was not. But it does bring with it a purpose in life. It brings strength and peace at the same time, maybe not in all case, but then in life nothing is the same for anyone. But it does help you grow as a person and see that life is far to short and you need to live everyday like your last.


I truly am sorry for your loss!
Your Friend
Tasha

i can understand some of the emotions you are going thru but at a totally different level. i had a heart attack late this november. yesterday i found out that they had to use difibrulators on me to keep me here. i saw the fear in my familys eyes while i was in hospital. there really are no words that anyone can say right now that will make this better for you. it is going to take time to go thru the grief process.

I'm sorry for your loss Jennlani,

I thought I should post a real regret. I try not to regret much because when I was younger I was really into partying, fighting, drinking and doing and many drugs as possible. I did a few things that some would find disturbing. In order to supplement my income I would rob houses. I robbed alot of houses. I would take jewellery and sell it at gold traders. One time my friend and I robbed my Mothers best friend. She had done nothing wrong and there is no way I can justify it. I had a need, saw the opportunity and took it. The was over 25 years ago. Since then I have been to rehab, alcoholics anonymous and stayed clean and sober for 18 years. One part of the "recovery" process is making amends to those I've harmed. I can't seem to bring myself to do this one. My Mother suspected I had done it and during my amends with her she made it clear that she did not want me to tell her friend. So I kind of got stuck with a loophole that gave me an out but I will always regret that one.

KC

That's awful, my best wishes.
I lost my sister a few years ago a very young age, I had alot of regrets because we had not been close for some time. Dont' beat yourself up too much about it, family problems happen.
My girlfriend in Thailand tried to take her life a few weeks ago, I feel really bad since I cannot go to visit her for some time. I'm sure glad she is still around. Now I am going to do everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Peace and Love

[Rantsalot]

...

I have been fighting about my feelings since the second day of January and the days that follows, whether to post what is inside my heart right now. As I don't feel like doing a thread about it, finally 'regrets' thread by Tasha. But as I am about to regained my strength to do it, comes the infighting from some forum members on this thread and I just decided not to do it anymore, as I am expecting more strife to ensue and will just drown this thread and regrets stories posted here. I have painstakingly and emotionally battling to write this. But I have to share. this could somehow make me cope.

As I mentioned my excitement the last holiday season (Christmas) which I said is my favorite season, which we celebrate joyfully with only one sad event when a friend passed away a week before Dec. 25. And I said that life should and must go on.

And every Christmas day I took charge in calling siblings back home to chit-chat and for them to talk and greet our Mother here in Canada on this joyous occasion. And I skip one brother coz, of some words been spoken after the death of our father here in Canada almost 2 years now. He (my brother) was supposed to join us here but decided to stay put in the Philippines, but recently has plans to try it out here, I was told that one of the reason he doesn't want to come here is, he doesn't want to suffer the fate of my Father. He ( my brother) is separated from his family just like my Father due to indiscretions and extra marital affair and his fear that his grown up children here will just treat him poorly, and won't take care of him if he get sick, just he said what happened to my Father.

I was hurt, offended as it being alluded to us here who took care of him, I told my other sibling to tell him, what he said are untrue and unfair, as he wasn't here and never been here the whole time our Father is gravely ill and he doesn't know how it is to start and make a life here in Canada, the culture, the people, the language you have to adapt to, as he himself is so scared to try. But other sibling says he didn't mean it and doesn't accused us of neglecting our duties when our Father got sick, and I really have accepted that maybe he has no intentions to hurt our feelings, especially mine, as he was one of the member in my family to accept me when I'm in my transformation, I never heard any unkind remarks or even jest from him, he didn't even cringed when I start dressing up as a girl. He totally supported me in my transitioning, he and me share the same virtue, we can easily make people laugh and we both have the same sense of humor.

December 31st,I spent New Years eve in a downtown club in Toronto, walk to Nathan Philip Square 15 minutes before the fireworks, then proceed to Goodhandy's to greet people I know there, as I know they have some New Year event for men going on in there, leave after a few minutes.

Jan 1st, I woke up late and started to fix myself as I planned to attend Goodhandy's thursday New Year event. Phone rang, younger brother answered the phone, I could hear commotions from upstairs, then saw my Mom running towards me crying, she said my brother's gone, massive heart attack, made some phone calls myself hoping it's isn't true as he's known to pull pranks like that before, only this time it's not a prank.

I was even planning to call and greet him a belated Christmas greetings and wish him all the best and luck for 2009, and to do our usual holiday exchanges of stories and was to ask him if he received his share of little cash as gift, good thing we sent the money before christmas, coz, he would really think that I'm still upset with him.

Regrets, I had a few, but this one is the biggest, I wish I didn't let those silly words and pride affected me and I should have known better, my sense of fair judgement failed me. I feel my heart is ripped open right now, aggravated everytime I see my Mother crying looking at his photo's in our family album, This friday she and my younger brother ( the youngest in the family ) are flying to Manila to bury him. The cost for all of us to go is a fortune, considering the none advance booking and still a peak season to travel to Asia, and I know that I would die if I go and see him without a life as he was full of the last time I visit, so I decided not to go with them. I wish 2009 didn't arrive, and I hate life when it throws punches at you. I am heartboken right now and I don't know If I'll ever forgive myself.

( hoping you could understand why I have to post this)

THANK YOU

My condolences Jenllani for your loss and do not ever feel hesitant to express yourself in the event of such a tragedy. I am sure you will persevere with the support of your loved ones and with those of us here.

[Lani]

Salamat! ( Thanks! )

Ana, Tasha , Kristopin (chris) , KC , Craigyb and Rantsalot (C) , Your words and private messages and your own regrets stories here in Tasha's thread alleviate some sorrows and burden that I've been carrying since the second day of this year, and it surely helped a lot for me to cope. Salamat! (Thanks!).

My condolences Jenllani for your loss and do not ever feel hesitant to express yourself in the event of such a tragedy. I am sure you will persevere with the support of your loved ones and with those of us here.

That's awful, my best wishes.
I lost my sister a few years ago a very young age, I had alot of regrets because we had not been close for some time. Dont' beat yourself up too much about it, family problems happen.
My girlfriend in Thailand tried to take her life a few weeks ago, I feel really bad since I cannot go to visit her for some time. I'm sure glad she is still around. Now I am going to do everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.
She's all I got.
Peace and Love

I'm sorry for your loss Jennlani,

I thought I should post a real regret. I try not to regret much because when I was younger I was really into partying, fighting, drinking and doing and many drugs as possible. I did a few things that some would find disturbing. In order to supplement my income I would rob houses. I robbed alot of houses. I would take jewellery and sell it at gold traders. One time my friend and I robbed my Mothers best friend. She had done nothing wrong and there is no way I can justify it. I had a need, saw the opportunity and took it. The was over 25 years ago. Since then I have been to rehab, alcoholics anonymous and stayed clean and sober for 18 years. One part of the "recovery" process is making amends to those I've harmed. I can't seem to bring myself to do this one. My Mother suspected I had done it and during my amends with her she made it clear that she did not want me to tell her friend. So I kind of got stuck with a loophole that gave me an out but I will always regret that one.

KC

i can understand some of the emotions you are going thru but at a totally different level. i had a heart attack late this november. yesterday i found out that they had to use difibrulators on me to keep me here. i saw the fear in my familys eyes while i was in hospital. there really are no words that anyone can say right now that will make this better for you. it is going to take time to go thru the grief process.

Jenllani,


Wow, this is very sad news and it took a lot to share it with us. I know you must have been fighting back the emotions while writing this. Thank you so much for letting us into your heart and expressing your thoughts/feelings with such courage and grace!


You are always such a lady with a great heart and the most amazing outlook on life! I have always found your writings are the ones I sit back and read and can feel your feelings as the words hit my brain.


Writing has always helped me understand my feelings in a way that talking out load never could. When you start writing you sometimes never really read what you have written till it is all done and you do your re-read. Maybe this will be the case for you and it will help you heal and look at the positive. In life no matter how bad something is, there is always a positive, you just have to find it and allow yourself to enjoy it.


Death is never easy and there will always be regrets. But, you are strong and you need to remember the good times that you have shared with your brother. Death is a part of life, a part many of us I am sure wish was not. But it does bring with it a purpose in life. It brings strength and peace at the same time, maybe not in all case, but then in life nothing is the same for anyone. But it does help you grow as a person and see that life is far to short and you need to live everyday like your last.


I truly am sorry for your loss!
Your Friend
Tasha

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope things start to come together for you and your family

[LOLA_]

To all of you, Thanks! and bless your heart.

sorry to hear, I hope every thing will go well, time takes every sadness away, I just lost my father and my grandma recently , It was horrible , I died with my father in 30 days Thanks Alyssa was the one friend who really sport me and brought me some flower and food, if you need any thing , any kind of help please let me know, I ll be so glad

no one in the world can take family spat...Family is important than any thing

[dan_calgary]

Regrets, I had a few, but this one is the biggest, I wish I didn't let those silly words and pride affected me and I should have known better, my sense of fair judgement failed me. I feel my heart is ripped open right now, aggravated everytime I see my Mother crying looking at his photo's in our family album, I wish 2009 didn't arrive, and I hate life when it throws punches at you. I am heartboken right now and I don't know If I'll ever forgive myself.

Life can be very cold & cruel, both my parents left this world with me furious at them, my judgement failed me as well, my wife as well left me during my most difficult times, for her own selfish ways, but I still do love life, it was the greatest gift anyone can have, we must all treasure it, and the friends i have do make the pain go away.

Life can be alot tougher, just visit any hospital, or watch the news, or go downtown and see the homeless.

Life is hard when you lose one parent, but believe me it's even tougher when both are gone. Keep your family and friends close to you, and don't take them for granted, cas you will need them, and they will need you.

[alyssa1]

Ana, Tasha , Kristopin (chris) , KC , Craigyb and Rantsalot (C) , Your words and private messages and your own regrets stories here in Tasha's thread alleviate some sorrows and burden that I've been carrying since the second day of this year, and it surely helped a lot for me to cope. Salamat! (Thanks!).

My condolences to you jenn im sorry to hear of your loss>let you have the company of good friends and positive spirits carry you thru 2009>
alyssa

[sensual_lover20]

My heart goes out to you and your family for such a loss. I know you are strong and will make it through these harsh times.

[Lani]

Thank You Lola. I am sorry to hear about the loss of two important people in your life too. And Thank You dan_calgary, Alyssa, sensual_lover 20 ( j ).

Reading this makes the pain a lot tolerable. Wow! this thread surprises me, it's bringing out people's hidden regrets and pains and could also by now giving some members here much pains and regrets why they ever subscribes in this forum lol! members who are here just to see their favorite hotties. Do not fret this thread could soon fade into the sunset lol!

But really, Thank You people, and to others who are gonna send or considering it or wishing to PM me, and to post a reply, allow me to thank you now, coz, I don't want this thread to be just me posting thank youuu's and dominate Tasha's thread, if you feel like posting here about your regrets, go ahead, do it not because of my post, it could free you from your own regrets, sadness and pains.

I feel a lot better now and I will never let my pride ever again to blind me and to do the right thing, It's so so so so stupid of me, and my stupid pride for not making that phone call on that Christmas Day, how I wish I'd known that that would be his last Christmas and our last conversation and now.....he's gone, and I love my brother.

I am so sorry bro.

sorry to hear, I hope every thing will go well, time takes every sadness away, I just lost my father and my grandma recently , It was horrible , I died with my father in 30 days Thanks Alyssa was the one friend who really sport me and brought me some flower and food, if you need any thing , any kind of help please let me know, I ll be so glad

no one in the world can take family spat...Family is important than any thing

Life can be very cold & cruel, both my parents left this world with me furious at them, my judgement failed me as well, my wife as well left me during my most difficult times, for her own selfish ways, but I still do love life, it was the greatest gift anyone can have, we must all treasure it, and the friends i have do make the pain go away.

Life can be alot tougher, just visit any hospital, or watch the news, or go downtown and see the homeless.

Life is hard when you lose one parent, but believe me it's even tougher when both are gone. Keep your family and friends close to you, and don't take them for granted, cas you will need them, and they will need you.

My condolences to you jenn im sorry to hear of your loss>let you have the company of good friends and positive spirits carry you thru 2009>
alyssa

My heart goes out to you and your family for such a loss. I know you are strong and will make it through these harsh times.

[Tasha Jones RIP]

This was an open topic on regrets. I might have started it, but it will keep going as long as people have something to say.

I am really glad I did start this topic, it is starting to turn into what I had in mind. Shows we are all human!

Keep it going!

[aguyoutthere1]

My condolences to you jenn im sorry to hear of your loss>let you have the company of good friends and positive spirits carry you thru 2009>
alyssa

Hate to break the thread but it looks like Alyssa has a couple of new (larger) friends. WOW, you look great.


KC

[curious]

hi lovely

I thought this would be an interesting topic. I also think that you guys need to see that away from the drama, some of us are real people with real problems and more important we have real feelings. And maybe you guys might like to read a topic that is not about fighting and has no self promotion in it what so ever. Who knew that could happen..lol


So my topic is open to all that wish to share there views and share there own regret story's.


So this happened a couple of years ago when I was living in Etobicoke. First you need to understand that the problem with Toronto and I am sure every where else as well. There are so many guys that never show up, even people you have seen before, they sometimes do not bother to show up either. They never call to cancel which is a pain in the butt and a waste of our time. So most girls do not bother to get ready till you call from that pay phone.


Myself, I live a very normal boring life, hard to believe I know, but it is the truth. I sit around in shorts and a T-shirt and watch TV, play video games and go online and write story book posts. I never wear make up and my hair is always in a pony when I am at home. I am just a plan Jane till I have a client. But I never bother to get ready for that client till he calls and he is on his way. I also shower as soon as I get up, but have to shower just before someone shows up at my house. I can not see anyone unless I shower first.


So like any other day, I was checking emails and looking at porn...yes that is how I start everyday..lol. I get my call from my client and he confirms his booking for 2pm. I say o.k and go back to my porn. At 1:45 he calls from the pay phone and I tell him to come over. I go to get into the shower, and I find out that I have no hot water. My landlord only lived down the hall so I asked him to come fix it. He said it should be fixed in an hour, but he did not know for sure what the problem was.


My buzzer rings right at 2pm and I have to tell the guy the story and to please call me in an hour to make sure it is fixed. He says something and walks out. He never did come back and I was without hot water till later that night. But when he was leaving, I looked out my window, I wish I never did to be honest. He was walking away like a child that just got there candy stolen. He had flowers and what looked like a gift that was wrapped. I felt my heart sting and this hole was in my belly for days afterwards. Writing it right now, I still feel bad about what happened.


I think this needs to be said. It does not go unnoticed to some of us what a huge deal it is to meet us in person. For some we are like a celebrity or like there dream girl. We are the chance for them to fulfill there life long fantasy. It sometimes takes a lot of guts to not only show up but to pick up that phone. To some it is like a romantic date, they show us this with gifts.


Anyways, I know that not having any hot water was not my fault. There was no way I would ever see a client without showering and making myself ready for them. But, I should have started to get ready much earlier and then when he called I could have told him before he showed up. Then, I would have never known what a nice guy he was and I would not have felt that guilt. He always might have come back and not fault that I have wasted his time.


It really effected me so much that, after seeing him leave like that, I called a friend that lived in the next building. I went over and showered and then came back to my house and got more done up then I ever had before for a client. I sat there and waited for almost 2 hours, pay back was a bitch for me that day! In the end I was not upset with him that he did not show back up or call, I felt bad because he went to so much effort to see me and tried to show me so much respect.


I still to this day can not get that image out of my head of him walking away with those flowers slumped by his leg and his head down. I always wish I was able to know how to get a hold of him to tell him how sorry I was. But that never happened and probably never will.


Anyways, thats my regret. It may seem like I should have way more over the years, or at least bigger regrets. But this one has stood out in my mind as one of the regrets I regret the most.


OK lets here your thoughts or please tell your own regret story!


Tasha

hi remember me? we have never meet. but i remember you there is a thing that goes on in my mind when i book to see a lady .always a guilt but sometimes the desire is just plane overwhelming.i have been turned down by some ladies because i am 63 now, an frankly if i was going to see a 63 yr old lady i would have trouble, but i have seen lovely ladies tiny kristy,an of course amazing Lucy,lovley Lacy and others an have seldom been disappointed i prefer Oriental's and black ladies why is totally beyond my understanding.again i have been with a number of ladies.and if one was putting me off i would be hurt and upset.what i have found with you, as we have chatted sometimes i would like to more often, because sex is one part of us as human beings.the real part and i have found you very real is far more satisfying ,cheers my freind i think i am a voice from the past, maybe one day we can meet cheers lovley lady happy new year

[shonuff1]

Tasha, thanx for sharing your story.
Some unfortunates are unpreventable, some can be improvised.
In visiting an escort, i've been in situations where i've been stood up
and i've ask myself what can i do to improvise and salvage my visit days
( occasionally i've taken days off to visit escorts)
If i run into a situation where i'm stood up, i automatically go to my
optional list, the next/other five possible escorts i want to see.
And i know i'm not the type to stand an escort up while she is being
considered enough to take time out to allow me to see her.

in your case, i would have to ask, what can be done to help salvage
a pre-arranged session in case there is another hot water
maintence failure ( if it happened before it can likely happen again)
You mentioned going to using a friend's apt for hot water ...That's an option to use next time around.

i've had that type of hot water maintenance failure
(on a non-escort day)
i've had to boil several big ,cooking pots of hot water
from the kitchen and tote/transfer it and add it to an already,
small drawn bathtub of cold water. Enough to make it lukewarm
enough to use. This sounds a lil' country but it's proven to be effective.