desperately need help in the next 24 hrs or less

[kristopin]

mmmmmmm
so confused and torn. as so of you know i am trying to deal with the most complex emotionally draining problems. i have told my wife of 30 yrs that i would be leaving in two weeks. i saw the horrid reality close over her face and the pain my words caused. i dont believe i can do this to her irregardless of what happened to me. it seems to drain some of the goodness from my soul. she asked what she could do to prevent me from leaving. at this point i should have said nothing but the pain i has caused forced me to tell her how she might be able to correct a situation and that it might make me change my mind. this i could see has given her some hope and i can see some of the pain eroding.

the problem here is that if i capitulate then i will not be able to be free to explore my new self. as i see it perhaps i owe her some of the truth about the new feeling i have and see if this impacts her choices. so it maybe that i have to totally be truthful and come 'OUT'. i need help and advice.
i know the decison is mine but maybe you can tell me what happened to you how it felt ect. you can do so by pm. but please do so very soon as i need to tell her before monday night.

cheers all.

ps. i figured nobody would know what to do about the 'tellers saga' not to worry, i will explain it later maybe.

[h55296]

So u gay, or just into shemales?? Specify, cause they totally differnet.

[Rockheart]

mmmmmmm
so confused and torn. as so of you know i am trying to deal with the most complex emotionally draining problems. i have told my wife of 30 yrs that i would be leaving in two weeks. i saw the horrid reality close over her face and the pain my words caused. i dont believe i can do this to her irregardless of what happened to me. it seems to drain some of the goodness from my soul. she asked what she could do to prevent me from leaving. at this point i should have said nothing but the pain i has caused forced me to tell her how she might be able to correct a situation and that it might make me change my mind. this i could see has given her some hope and i can see some of the pain eroding.

the problem here is that if i capitulate then i will not be able to be free to explore my new self. as i see it perhaps i owe her some of the truth about the new feeling i have and see if this impacts her choices. so it maybe that i have to totally be truthful and come 'OUT'. i need help and advice.
i know the decison is mine but maybe you can tell me what happened to you how it felt ect. you can do so by pm. but please do so very soon as i need to tell her before monday night.

cheers all.

ps. i figured nobody would know what to do about the 'tellers saga' not to worry, i will explain it later maybe.

Dude what are you coming OUT about?
If it is tgirls and this is why you are leaving your wife, you should probably need to rethink that.

I have read your posts and you seem like a pretty respectable guy. So I can understand how some new feelings may make you feel like your wife can't provide what you need (or whatever).
Sex and love are two different things.
If you think many or most men don't lust after tgirls or other guys sometimes, well you should look around more.
Simply because you have discovered something new and think you need to come OUT doesn't mean leaving a loved one.
New things are always more desirable and sexy and make the old things look boring and without excitement.
Many men have these types of attractions early and later on in life.
I never realized when I was younger but many young boys experiment with each other sexually, even though I never really did something like this. Anyway, in fact many people have attraction to both sexes at one time or another.

Now if there is nothing between you and your wife and your time together is just miserable then that is another thing.
However if you care for her, and her for you then you should think more.
Everything does not have to be so black and white.

I truly think everyone is somewhat bisexual and many just try to deny it.
I mean discuss things with your wife, whats the worst that could happen?
She will leave you?
You are going to leave her over it and she obviously isn't into that......
Maybe after 30 years she can understand.

[dan_calgary]

I have read your posts and you seem like a pretty respectable guy. So I can understand how some new feelings may make you feel like your wife can't provide what you need (or whatever).
Sex and love are two different things.
If you think many or most men don't lust after tgirls or other guys sometimes, well you should look around more.
Simply because you have discovered something new and think you need to come OUT doesn't mean leaving a loved one.
New things are always more desirable and sexy and make the old things look boring and without excitement.
Many men have these types of attractions early and later on in life.
I never realized when I was younger but many young boys experiment with each other sexually, even though I never really did something like this. Anyway, in fact many people have attraction to both sexes at one time or another.

Now if there is nothing between you and your wife and your time together is just miserable then that is another thing.
However if you care for her, and her for you then you should think more.
Everything does not have to be so black and white.

I truly think everyone is somewhat bisexual and many just try to deny it.
I mean discuss things with your wife, whats the worst that could happen?
She will leave you?
You are going to leave her over it and she obviously isn't into that......
Maybe after 30 years she can understand.

I second all the above, well said !!!!!

[cobbler]

You owe her the courtesy of being honest with her period. This is your partner with whom you've shared vows of fidelity and support. By not being honest with her you have left her in the position of wondering if she is somehow at fault. After thirty years together don't you think she might be able to understand you more than you give her credit for?
Sorry to be preachy, but I think it's time for you to be an adult and treat your wife as one too. Marriages don't have to last forever (mine didn't) but to simply walk out is cowardly and cruel.
Again, sorry if I jumped down your throat, but you did ask.

[tslisaparadise]

You owe her the courtesy of being honest with her period. This is your partner with whom you've shared vows of fidelity and support. By not being honest with her you have left her in the position of wondering if she is somehow at fault. After thirty years together don't you think she might be able to understand you more than you give her credit for?
Sorry to be preachy, but I think it's time for you to be an adult and treat your wife as one too. Marriages don't have to last forever (mine didn't) but to simply walk out is cowardly and cruel.
Again, sorry if I jumped down your throat, but you did ask.

i totally disagree.you owe her nothing,she doesnt own you and you dont own her period.99 per cent of my clients and friends are married and i actually perfer that.since when does infedelity reflect on ones character,hookers are around for a reason ,the biggest one is to provide something different and a need that no wife can do either because she is far too cold and just doesnt really give a rats ass how he feels sexually,woman are fucked in the head that way and i can tell you this first hand as i was married 17 long years and have experienced both sides of the isle.the truth is marriage is a 50/50 thing,you tell her 50 per cent of what you want her to know and she tells you 50 per cent of what she wants you to know period.and 50 per cent of all marriages end in a nasty divorce.let me put it this way guys if yolu stay in a marriage because you think its the right thing to do and your not happy then you just screwed any shot of happiness for the rest of your life,is that what you really want?

[Wiseone26]

i totally disagree.you owe her nothing,she doesnt own you and you dont own her period.99 per cent of my clients and friends are married and i actually perfer that.since when does infedelity reflect on ones character,hookers are around for a reason ,the biggest one is to provide something different and a need that no wife can do either because she is far too cold and just doesnt really give a rats ass how he feels sexually,woman are fucked in the head that way and i can tell you this first hand as i was married 17 long years and have experienced both sides of the isle.the truth is marriage is a 50/50 thing,you tell her 50 per cent of what you want her to know and she tells you 50 per cent of what she wants you to know period.and 50 per cent of all marriages end in a nasty divorce.let me put it this way guys if yolu stay in a marriage because you think its the right thing to do and your not happy then you just screwed any shot of happiness for the rest of your life,is that what you really want?

very true, I've witnessed a few unhappy marriages and they just trudged along miserable. However being truthful is a good thing for sure, but now a days marriages are just really a piece of paper that the state or whatever country recognizes. If you are unhappy in a relationship get out of it, you need to be happy in life, being miserable will kill you. Wether you are married 1 year or 30 years if it isn't a happy marriage then it's time to move on with your life...

Now, I've never been married, nor have I been in a long term relationship, just my $0.25CAD. Just remember it is your life, you have to be happy. You can never let anyone run your life, sure marriages should be 50/50 but honestly how many are....o I'll just shut up now..

[cobbler]

I'm not saying he should stay in the marriage, far from it. What I am saying is that he should be honest with her about his reasons for wanting to end the marriage. It's a question of respect both for her and the thirty years they spent together. If it's over, fine, move on, but don't leave a turd on the rug on your way out the door.

[sensual_lover20]

Tell your wife what you really want. Being honest and true to someone who has spent one third to half their life with you is important enough to know. Then again, the same could go for family. Regardless, if t-girls is the life you really want to pursue and thought long and hard about it then there is no going back as you will never be satisfied physically and perhaps emotionally.

[prettyboy]

I too agree with Craigs comments, the flowing green grass on the other side of the fence is actually hiding a muddy bog. If you do decide to leave your marriage you are unlikely to find any kind of long term warm loving relationship with a TGirl, unless you are very wealthy and even then it would be a charade.
If you feel that you can no longer continue to share your life with your wife then I think that you should tell her the truth, by trying to let her down gently you are only prolonging her emotional pain . Once someone knows the truth they can respond and start the process of getting over it , she will probably be very angry and make your life miserable for a while,maybe tell all your friends that you are a fag ,take you for every penny that she can ,but you can continue on your life's journey with a clear conscience.
Once you've made up your mind ,if you choose to leave her, leave right away. Those 2 weeks will be torture to both of you.
I feel for you, I am sure most of us have had to break someone's heart at some time in our lives. It is never easy.
The freedom that you will have will come with a price, be sure that you are prepared to pay it.

[Wiseone26]

.....you are unlikely to find any kind of long term warm loving relationship with a TGirl, unless you are very wealthy and even then it would be a charade.

Wow did you just trash on some of us that are looking for a relationship, that couldn't care about money cause we have manage to support ouselves throughout our lives. Some of us are not looking for money or playing a charade. Some of us just want someone in life that cares and respects us as human beings. I'm somewhat offended by that remark...

[kristopin]

thanks all

my dam net crashed just after i finished this post. and i have had to do it again.

thanks to all who posted. some got it right (Lisa Paula), some were half right. i guess my previous rant was remembered.

tonite i will be taking a giant step to my freedom and just being me. i have been inspired by the courage some of the girls have shown me.

i am not a vindictive man and i know i owe my wife all the info she needs to make decisions she needs to make.

cobbler, courage is defined as how? what our girls have done? i have endured more than i should have and survived a heart attack that was brought on by the stress others put me in.
i feel now that my time has been shortened and as some one said on the weekend, i wont live my life in a lie now.

cheers all may the gods bless you for your efforts.

[kristopin]

out and free

the deed is done. it was received amazingly well. so i am now out and free. this was an amazing process. i wonder if as a tgirl 'admirer' i have more or less completed my transition. or have i taken a step further?

anyway that it folks thanks for all your advice, good and bad, it helped me do what had to be done.

[kristopin]

truth

Tell your wife what you really want. Being honest and true to someone who has spent one third to half their life with you is important enough to know.

Then again, the same could go for family. Regardless, if t-girls is the life you really want to pursue and thought long and hard about it then there is no going back as you will never be satisfied physically and perhaps emotionally.

SL this was where i was really going. i felt i had to tell her more about myself and what i was feeling. it was a coming out of sorts but also a respectful way to do things. we may stay together after all and i have been told i can have as much space as i need to do what i need.

thx SL (you are tooooo wise, myabe you need to be a kid for a bit)

[Rockheart]

Well i know at least one guy who's wife lost interest in sex after many years of marriage like you. Eventually she allowed him to pursue his sexual desires. They both did not want to split just over sex as they had a family and many years of companionship, plus they truly cared for one another. However he never had sex with her at all by that point so any dangers he may put himself in with his sexual behaviour are of no consequence to her. He was an avid "tgirl admirer" but also admitted to having many relationships with men during his college years.

I would suggest that "Tgirl Admirer" is not really a sexuality, and you should at least consider yourself bisexual. It would probably put you more at ease than hiding behind the moniker of admirer.
I like sex with women and tgirls. I have never met the man that I wanted to have sex with but some would argue with that, especially some women.

Welcome to the world of being FREE to BE Youself.
However as one who has been this way for my whole life, I would warn you that it can be much lonlier. There is always the struggle in my mind of giving up some freedom for more love and companionship.

If you can keep your lifelong companion AND pursue your new feelings, then you are a very lucky man.
Sometimes I think I would trade all the years of being who I am now for a long lasting relationship.
I hope it works out for you.

If you think there is less stress with your freedom, well that is questionable. Often you just find a whole other group of people that will stress you out.