What does "sex work" mean to you?

[Foxy Basket]

Ok, I need your help for my last paper of the year. The question is:

What does "sex work" mean to you?

My goal is to examine this term, and the concept that accompanies it, from as many perspectives as possible. I have my own opinion, and I've drawn a large number of opinions from some of the authors I've read over the year. But I'd like to hear what other people here have to say about it.

When I say "sex work" I mean it in the widest possible context. If you see it as a synonym for "prostitution," then please tell me what "prostitution" means to you. If you see the term as meaning something different, please tell me why.

If you consider yourself a sex worker, or work in the sex trade but prefer another title/description, then what does your work mean to you? If you've ever been on the other side of the equation (client/hobbyist/whatever) then what does it mean to you?

You don't have to give me the reasons for your choices; that's your business. But if you can spare a moment, I'm all ears. Discretion is assured, and you won't be directly quoted or referenced (unless you want to be). Public posts, e-mails or PMs are all fine by me.

Thanks for your help; the final version of my paper will be available to anyone who'd like to read it.

[tslisaparadise]

Ok, I need your help for my last paper of the year. The question is:

What does "sex work" mean?

HMMM HOW DOES THAT SONG GO....MONEY FOR NUTHIN

[Wiseone26]

HMMM HOW DOES THAT SONG GO....MONEY FOR NUTHIN

Bubble burst! "money for nothing and your chicks for free.", sorry lisa :P

[bramptontop17]

sex work is when I'm banging a girl from behind and she just won't get on top and ride it so I can sit back and relax. Sex work gets really bad when she likes this so much that my thighs are burning like i was doing the old wall sit in high school gym class

[capitus]

...I was going to say "having sex while vacuuming" but that would be crass and childish. So I won't say that...

I view sex work is any sex/sexual act for pay, where the sex performer is being paid for that act. Sex work applies only to those who perform the act(s).

The sexual act itself msut be a direct contact act where the seller and the buyer are able to interact or the sex worker could be identified (not anonymous), and the basis of this interaction is sex for money. In other words, the sex worker is putting something of themselves on the line.

In the case that the sex is being sold through an intermediary, I only include the person actually engaged in the sexual act. For exampel, I wouldn't include writers as sex workers because they do not have direct contact with their audience nor are they physically identifiable. Sex writers may be able to write under a pseudonym and not reveal anything of their sexuality other than their imagination.

So, examples would be prostitutes, strippers, phonesex operators, pornstars, adult models.

Not included as sex workers are pimps, strip club owners, pornography producers, website operators, or fiction writers. This group, although profitting from sex work, is not selling their personal sexuality, but rather selling other peoples sexuality or imaginary sexuality.

...I also had sex once with a tool belt on, so that might count as well....

[cobbler]

This is a tricky one. The obvious answer is that people who engage in sexual acts in exchange for money or barter are "sex workers". I also think people who work on the side but are directly related to the acts and the payment (ie pimps, madams etc) are also sex workers. Add to this the support services personnel for victims of this industry are in effect "sex workers" as well since their work is wholly predicated on the existence of the industry. You could even go out on a limb and say condom manufacturers and adult product makers and retailers are sex workers because their products are in fact used for sexual purposes. It adds up to quite a number for something supposedly illegal, immoral and depraved doesn't it? Makes it dare I say somewhat legitimate? It is in my mind but unfortunately Main St. is still looking back wistfully to the days of witch hunts and branding.

[Foxy Basket]

Step 2

Ok, thanks everyone. We've got a few definitions now, and I have plenty of things to discuss in my paper. So, let's take this one step further.

What does your involvement in sex work mean to you (from either side of the equation)?

If you're a service provider, what does the experience of sex work mean to you? Is it as Lisa describes, or something more? Or something less? Is it just a job, or a passion, or something entirely different? Is it validating in any way? How does it compare with other work/jobs you've had/done in the past? Is it simply a means to an altogether different end? Or an end in itself?

If you've ever been a client, what did the experience of seeing a sex worker mean to you? What did your interaction with the provider mean to you? How did the financial exchange impact the actual event? Was it an issue of convenience, curiosity, or simply a desire to satisfy an urge? What, if anything, did it mean for your understanding of yourself?

These are merely questions of curiosity to get your minds thinking about it - please don't feel like you have to answer any of them specifically unless it's genuinely important to you. Also, it's not an exclusive list; if you have another way of seeing your involvement that I haven't mentioned, by all means, please feel free to expand on that.

I totally understand if you want to keep things private on this part; my inbox and e-mail account are awaiting your reply. If you want to say something publicly, that's cool too.

Also, this isn't limited to those who see tgirl escorts - if you see/have seen ggirl escorts and want to talk about the similarities and differences, that would be especially helpful. I'm trying to do a compare & contrast exercise for this paper, and that would be extremely useful to my essay.

Thanks so much!

[snoodle]

For me its convenience.

Why waste time trying to pick up someone in a club.
When I can just pay. Its so much easier and a real time saver.

But the SP has to be convincing. She has to make me feel like she really likes me and is turned on by me. or else I wont enjoy it.

Good Sex is a 2 way street after all.

[Mercury]

excellent thread, thank you Nikki!

I'm a client of both female and shemale sp's. Overall, I've tremendously enjoyed my experiences. What I most enjoy is meeting a provider that is genuine, personable and truly interested in their work. I can appreciate that, as a career, this is probably one of the most difficult professions to pursue, and I have no problem whatsoever in providing someone with appropriate monetary compensation for their services.

My enjoyment is derived at several levels. I am very responsive to visual stimulation. This does not necessarily mean that I would only go for the "best looking" provider, but it means that there are usually specific characteristics or features (interesting piercings, artistic body mods and artwork, etc.) that will catch my attention. Also, pretty much everyone has some special feature that will attract my interest (pretty, well groomed feet, a smooth round bum, slender shoulders, to name a few).

However, appearance alone is not enough. I need to engage at the personal level for this experience to be exceptional. As mentioned above, a provider needs to enjoy what they do, and I think that the client/provider chemistry is key. No doubt, when a provider is comfortable with a client, good things can happen. What I find interesting is that I've encountered sp's both young and old that had that "X" factor that made the chemistry click. By the same token, I've had both young and old sp's with the wrong attitude, and the session never goes past the physical exercise.

When I first tried this hobby a couple of years ago, there were times when my expectations prior to meeting the sp got the better of me. Often enough, while I enjoyed the experience, the reality didn't meet up to my preconceived thoughts. Over time, I've changed my approach, and I find that I'm more "in the moment" during my time with each provider and am enjoying myself even more than I would have expected.

I define a "sex worker" to be someone who willingly engages in an intimate activity with a paying client; two consenting adults that choose to interact under these circumstances. This would include dancers, massage parlour attendants, escorts, and the like. I have respect for those women, men and shemales that choose this profession and choose to treat a client to the best possible service possible. From my experiences, I know that I've gained a lot through this interaction and this goes beyond the brief pleasure accompanying that release.

My thanks to you.

[shanghaishemale]

I Want Sex Work Too

[sensual_lover20]

I dislike two things in this field. First is when girls ask for a donation for their services. If it truly is a donation, I would love to see you as a registered charity with the CRA so I could get a juicy deduction on my personal return. Otherwise, call it cost or price.

I also dislike when escorts/hookers/prostitutes/sex workers use the word "client". Escort is synonymous with sex worker because if 98% of your business is sex with customers then your a prostitute. For example, a hit dog vendor commonly sells hot dogs, pop and on occassion chips/chocolate bars. As hot dogs are their primary source of revenue, we would call them ho dog vendor. For the 10 bags of chips/chocolate bars they sell daily, we would not call them a chip/chocolate bar vendor for that 2% of sales they make from it. It's more like side revenue, easy money, just like when a guy calls a girl and pays her $200 to talk to her for an hour an leave. Anyways, back to client, the first definition (as per www.dictionary.com of it is:
a person or group that uses the professional advice or services of a lawyer, accountant, advertising agency, architect, etc.

Client is also synonym for customer, but it obviously sounds more professional. My question here is, do you consider sex work professionals? What education, if any, do you need to become this professional? Is there any professional regulatory body which controls your profession? Seeing as how the answers to these are both none, I firmly stand and say you customer. I go to the same convienience store everyday, the shop keeper would never call me a client but a customer. Your thoughts?

Nikki, sorry for highjacking but maybe this gave you some insight into other aspects. I would gladly meet you anytime to help you in your research, outside Goodhandy's of course.

[Foxy Basket]

I dislike two things in this field. First is when girls ask for a donation for their services. If it truly is a donation, I would love to see you as a registered charity with the CRA so I could get a juicy deduction on my personal return. Otherwise, call it cost or price.

I also dislike when escorts/hookers/prostitutes/sex workers use the word "client". Escort is synonymous with sex worker because if 98% of your business is sex with customers then your a prostitute. For example, a hit dog vendor commonly sells hot dogs, pop and on occassion chips/chocolate bars. As hot dogs are their primary source of revenue, we would call them ho dog vendor. For the 10 bags of chips/chocolate bars they sell daily, we would not call them a chip/chocolate bar vendor for that 2% of sales they make from it. It's more like side revenue, easy money, just like when a guy calls a girl and pays her $200 to talk to her for an hour an leave. Anyways, back to client, the first definition (as per www.dictionary.com of it is:
a person or group that uses the professional advice or services of a lawyer, accountant, advertising agency, architect, etc.

Client is also synonym for customer, but it obviously sounds more professional. My question here is, do you consider sex work professionals? What education, if any, do you need to become this professional? Is there any professional regulatory body which controls your profession? Seeing as how the answers to these are both none, I firmly stand and say you customer. I go to the same convienience store everyday, the shop keeper would never call me a client but a customer. Your thoughts?

Nikki, sorry for highjacking but maybe this gave you some insight into other aspects. I would gladly meet you anytime to help you in your research, outside Goodhandy's of course.

The difference is this - a customer is one who purchases a tangible item, and a client is one who purchases a service. A customer buys a hot dog, bag of chips, whatever. But a client pays for the time, skills, and advice of a professional.

The terms are nearly synonymous, but the distinction you made is important; as you said, you don't think the owner of your convenience store considers you a client. You purchase products from him, which you possess after exchanging the money; I don't think that most escorts like the idea of being possessed. More accurately, we're being contracted for our professional services, and renting our time instead of selling our bodies.

Consultants do the same thing, yet they require no specific education or certification from regulatory bodies; therefore, your suggestion that we're not "professionals" doesn't really work. Anybody who knows their trade can be a consultant - I know quite a few computer consultants without university degrees or certifications, yet they are extremely skilled at what they do. They just know computers, and when mine is on the fritz, they rent out their time and expertise to get it running again.

I'm sure there are lawyers who refer to clients as customers, but my general feeling is that the former term is used more often than the latter. It's a minor distinction, to be sure, and I wouldn't get upset if someone referred to themselves as one of my customers, but I'm merely illustrating how the difference in language impacts the nature of the transaction.

Thanks for your input nonetheless; too bad you won't be at Goodhandy's tomorrow, because. . . .

I'm officially done my exams!!!

Just have to finish this paper on sex work, then I can kick back and finally relax. . . more details to come!

[sensual_lover20]

Thanks Nikki. Well said. It is one of the glass half empty, half full subjects. There is no right answer, just gathering thoughts. Congrats on the exams, but we'll bump into each other in a few months. Keep moving mountains girl!

[toban]

I hope this info is not too late for your consideration Nikki

I don't believe anything here below has not been mentioned by me before somewhere in the Forum, so here is my take on TG vs GG Escorts.

My Definition of Sex Worker - To my way of thinking, a Sex-worker is one who makes direct and intimate sexual contact with a ?client?. (you?ll notice I do not use the term customer! ). This could even include those involved in sexual contact other than actual intercourse e.g. so called massagists who specialize in the ?happy endings? (masturbation at a minimum) and even lap-dancers, but not necessarily other nude dancers or strippers for whom there is no physical contact with the observers.

Likewise, those who facilitate venues which may accommodate sex-workers, such as club/bar operators and some theatre owners would not fit the definition of sex-worker, nor would book and video store operators and their staff, who could not be considered as actual sex-workers because they had no physical contact with the customers.

The significance of SW?s: To me sex-workers made quite a considerable contribution to my life. After losing my wife of 33 years (close to 40 years together) I found myself I a position where I craved physical, female attention but, having no inclination to begin a lasting relationship again, I resorted to calling a local escort service. I soon found myself frequently in the company of some much younger ladies, a few of whom, even today, still remain my friends. I appreciated the physical closeness and most definitely, the sexual aspect of these interactions.

Much later on, in my quest for pornographic materials, I came across a few transexual sites, with their photos and videos showing me a side of life that I had been totally unaware of. Really! I was aware of course, of cross-dressers, but I felt they were quite outlandish and of no interest to me whatsoever. Now though, the transexuals came across to me as being very genuine, but quite different of course, from that anything I had ever experienced in person.

They so piqued my interest, that I decided that on my next visit to Toronto, in addition to possibly seeing GG escorts I was going to investigate this new area of interest. Back in 2003, Tasha Jones and Amanda had websites that displayed a number of t-girls, and with the help of those sites, whose names escape me now, as well as NOW and EYE magazines, I created a list of girls I thought would be of interest. The first girl that I was able to set up a meeting with was Carmen(Dita) and I was very pleased with what I had discovered with her help.

That was the beginning of new part of my life, and so that same night I visited the club upstairs above Remingtons. There I saw several T-girls performing on stage. That was enough - I was forever hooked.

Differences betwen TG and GG escorts: I am not too certain that I notice any great difference between GG and TG escorts. In the past I have been able to form actual relationships with some of the GG escorts I have known but, since they were all local, and they'd been frequent visitors to my home, that made a considerable difference. With the GG escorts, most were with an agency, and therefore not likely to encourage extra-curricular activities but the independent girls however, were always freer to form much closer liasons.

As an infrequent traveller and vistor to Toronto, the formation of such liasons has not been possible. I do not see why it could not be possible, with Toronto TG escorts being independents and not being co-erced by agency rules.

My experiences with TG Escorts have been quite sporadic because of the travel to Toronto to partake, and so there is less opportunity to become too closely aquainted with any one girl. Had it not been for those reasons of time and separation (and age) I don?t think I would have found too much difference. So in conclusion, I can state that I do not perceive any great difference between escorts whether they be GG or TG.

[Foxy Basket]

Thank you, everyone!

I really appreciate that so many people went out of their way to reply. I received many useful responses, some public, others private, which were very helpful to me. I was able to form an understanding of perspectives other than my own, and expanded greatly on the research I've already done.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to quote any of you directly (that pesky Ethics Review Board strikes again!) but all your e-mails/PMs/posts helped me with direction, and inspired new lines of thinking that I was able to incorporate into my final paper.

In other news, I recently found out that my application to my grad program of choice was refused. In a nutshell, my grades from my first trip through university were terrible, and nowhere near good enough to get me in. Sadly, the admissions board made their decision before my more recent (and much better) marks were available. I considered pursuing another grad program that doesn't interest me as much - I did get into an MSW (Master's of Social Work) program, which I threw on my application as a potential plan B - but I'd rather wait until I can do something that I genuinely want to do. So instead, I'm going to take the year off, and focus on some of my other pursuits.

That's the main reason why I was in such a bad mood in recent weeks, but out of rejection comes opportunity. A few months ago, I submitted a paper called "Gender Identity in the OHRC" for publication in an upcoming book called "Trans Activism: A Canadian Reader and Practical Guide" and just found out that it was accepted! I'm also planning to publish my speech from the $ex For $ale Conference, and have another paper on the Criminalization of HIV Transmission that I'm planning to submit to another journal later this year. I might even have a potential TV appearance coming up! So, there are plenty of opportunities for me to continue pursuing my interests outside the classroom.

I'm really excited that I'm able to write about things that I want to write about, without having to fit them into academic constraints; it's a feeling of freedom that I didn't have over the last two years. Also, when I re-apply to grad school next year, I'll have much better grades, a few publications on my resume, and a lot more relevant experience; I think my chances of getting in next year will be significantly better than they were this time around.

I'm also planning to commit more fully to my current career. I've made a pretty big decision to that end, but I'm not ready to announce it yet; I'll post more details sometime tomorrow or Tuesday. Until then, thanks to everyone for the continued support. I feel like I say that phrase a heck of a lot, but I do mean it; when people keep supporting my various efforts in so many different ways, it wouldn't be right if I didn't acknowledge it. Thanks again!