I'm an asshole, but I'm sorry.

[capitus]

So, last night I started chatting on-line with a tgirl I met on CL. Not a common thing for me, in fact, a first. As with all on-line encounters I am rather discrete and don't give out any personal pictures or information...

Now, when I started talking with this tgirl, I was thinking, "Hey, I hope she sends me a picture of her cock..." like the animal that I am. So I gave her what she wanted (read: hoped for). She asked for a picture of me, so I sent her a picture (not of me though). She asked some questions about me, I gave her answers (what she wanted to hear but not actually the truth)...all the while thinking with my little head (yes, I said little...I'm secure enough to say it).

I asked for a picture of her, as I had sent her a picture (all bullshit as you recall). So then she invites me to chat on MSN messenger because she doesn't send pictures by email, for discretions sake. Up to this point we had been communicating via email. Now, I'm not a technophile and have never done this before but I thought, "What the hell, why not, what's the worst that can happen?".

So I fumbled away trying to figure this messenger thing out...I thought I had it sorted, but as it turned out, I could chat but not see pictures. I asked her (we'll call her Violet) how to see pictures. But chatting this way doesn't work really well when trying to trouble shoot a program with a retard like me...

The she sent IT to me....Her phone number. "call me so I can help"

She sent me her phone number! 'What the hell should I do? I didn't think it would get this far...'

So I sat there staring at this number for what felt like an hour, probably only a minute or two, wondering what the hell to do.

Do I call her? I've already given her someone elses picture and a fake M.O. ...damn it. Then she posted again, 'You can block your number, its ok'...then a few minutes later, 'just press *67 then my number'.

When I got over feeling like a technomoron, I call the number. She answers, "hello?" with a cute Tagalog accent...my heart started racing (kind of the way it does when I've called any of our resident tgirls)...'Hi', 'uh, so how do I fix this thing' I said clumsiliy. 'Suave capitus, real suave' I thought to myself.

We work our way through it, on the phone, then her cellphone died. "whew" i thought. I was concerned about the 'distance' between us, and a phone call was a little too close for me at this point...contact tha occurs too early can be a little nerve-racking for this guy.

So I open the real messenger for the first time ever. And I see her picture. Wow. And I mean Wow. A completely passable, young, very attractive philipina tgirl. If she hadn't said she was a tgirl I wouldn't have guessed it. Then she sends me an invitation to view her webcam...again, never done this before.

Suddenly she is sitting in front of me, very pretty and very sweet looking. Then we started chatting. All the while I could see her and she couldn't see me, I don't have a webcam.

She told me where she was from, where she worked, a bit about her personal life, her hobbies, how she volunteers at a shelter here in Winnipeg....all the while something was eating at me. She doesn't have a clue who I was. She was very sweet and trusting...and there I was lying like a Bay street lawyer (sorry to all you Bay street Lawyers...).

She then asked for a 'face picture', thinking it would match with the body (naked of course) picture I sent her..."uh, I can't find one right now" I fumbled....'lying sack of shit' I thought to myself...

We chatted for another 3 hours. Now, my circumstances preclude any kind of relationship, and it was clear from our conversation that Violet was a pretty, young lady who was scared to get into a relationship because she feared revealing her 'secret'. But it was obvious she desperately wanted to meet someone with whom she could be herself. ...and she was talking to a guy who seemed to know a lot about transgender issues, who was nice and kind, and from the picture probably hung like a horse (...a man can dream can't he). and we talked, and talked.

The whole time, since talking with her on the phone really, I had this nagging little voice, "you're lying to her"....finally, I had to come clean.

I told her the pictures were not of me (I would have been disappointed if I were her), I told her the information I had given her wasn't completely accurate. I told her why "I thought I would send you a picture, you would send me a picture, we would both do whatever it is people do when looking at other peoples naked pictures, then we would be on our way." No harm done.

However, it didn't quite work out that way. Over the course of our conversation I started seeing her not as an object of sexual gratification (computer anonymity makes that really fucking easy), but rather as a real person...I wouldn't behave this way in person, but for some reason it seemed alright on-line, at least at first.

So I told her the truth, apologized and showed her a picture of the real me, which I have never done before on-line. It felt like it was a fair and right thing to do.

We chatted for a little while longer, and she said we should go for tea (I was like 'huh?, tea?, who goes for tea except the Queen?', but whatever)... and she said she was happy I gave her the real information and respected me more for it. (I'm not sure I would have been that forgiving had it been the other way around)

She was a very sweet and vulnerable girl. And she asked, after I told her my circumstances, if I knew anyone who would date a tgirl like her...I was shocked, and a little sad.

TgirlForums has made me believe that we are an open and understanding society, and that anyone would want to date a tgirl or anyone else based on who they are not their chromosomal compliment. But I guess not.

TgirlForums has also made me believe that if you want to date a tgirl it will cost you...but apparently not. There are civilian tgirls out there.

So, where am I going with this Rantsalot-esque post?

Violet, I'm sorry.

AND

If there are any good guys in Winnipeg that would be interested in dating (I mean really dating, not 'dating' wink wink nudge nudge) a tgirl...well, you see where I'm going with this...



...so I guess I should have started this post with, Forgive me Father for I have sinned...now how many Hail Mary's before I am absolved?

[maddplotter]

That's a touching story. Maybe there's still a chance for the both of you? It goes to show even with over 6 billion people on this planet, the most attractive tgirl can still get a little lonely.

[Tasha Jones RIP]

Not always the case...

I really have to say it was nice reading your report of the evening. It was good to see you were being honest with us and her. But here are some comments.

Guys seem to think that all Tgirls are escorts. They think that since we are escorts we must not date unless we are getting paid. This is not true at all in my case. I will not speak for other girls.

I tried for years to find someone to have something with. I was not looking to run away and get married. But I was looking to maybe go on a date, go camping or just hang out. Have someone that I could lay back and watch a movie with and talk about the BS in the world. Someone I would be able to just call up and say "I am board lets go for a drive"

This had nothing to do with money or looks. I just wanted company. You would think that I would be able to find this with someone, but the answer was no...nothing...zero. For free sex or a free webcam show I had a line up around the corner. But say you want to spend a night not based on sex and all that was left were the guys that were best friends with my great grandfater. Even those guys would say that was o.k, till they got there and I spend the night removing there hands or saying "quite the movie is on"

I did have lots of guys I tried with. Lots of guys said thats what they wanted. But as soon as we started chatting it turned into "can I see you on cam" then "can I see your dick". That for me is not fun nor what I wanted. If I wanted to be treated like some sex object then you can pay like everyone else.

Now, if I was in the mood to be treated like that...then that is ok. But trying to lead me onto something that could be real only to see my dick...it was a turn off and after the 1000 guy to do it to me I stopped trying.

Now, I enjoy spending time with my clients. As they will tell you, it is like a date with me. Lots of talking and hot sex. I also was in a long term relationship, so I found what I wanted. But now that I am single....I might try again.

So you never know...the girl you would think would only want to see you for money...might shock you...maybe next time some of you will make the effort to talk to me and see what I am all about.......

Tasha

[sensual_lover20]

Capitus - That was a great story. Nice to see your not all fun and games.

Tasha - I made the effort to talk to you and didn't ask about a webcam or your dick.

[Tasha Jones RIP]

Yup

Do u remember when we first met? I was a bit pushy with you poor Lover...lol...I was doing a video and tried to drag you in there...that was my way of saying hello..lol

We have had a couple of chats and I am sure we will have lots more...I think your a sexy cool guy...

Tasha

[tslisaparadise]

I really have to say it was nice reading your report of the evening. It was good to see you were being honest with us and her. But here are some comments.

Guys seem to think that all Tgirls are escorts. They think that since we are escorts we must not date unless we are getting paid. This is not true at all in my case. I will not speak for other girls.

I tried for years to find someone to have something with. I was not looking to run away and get married. But I was looking to maybe go on a date, go camping or just hang out. Have someone that I could lay back and watch a movie with and talk about the BS in the world. Someone I would be able to just call up and say "I am board lets go for a drive"

This had nothing to do with money or looks. I just wanted company. You would think that I would be able to find this with someone, but the answer was no...nothing...zero. For free sex or a free webcam show I had a line up around the corner. But say you want to spend a night not based on sex and all that was left were the guys that were best friends with my great grandfater. Even those guys would say that was o.k, till they got there and I spend the night removing there hands or saying "quite the movie is on"

I did have lots of guys I tried with. Lots of guys said thats what they wanted. But as soon as we started chatting it turned into "can I see you on cam" then "can I see your dick". That for me is not fun nor what I wanted. If I wanted to be treated like some sex object then you can pay like everyone else.

Now, if I was in the mood to be treated like that...then that is ok. But trying to lead me onto something that could be real only to see my dick...it was a turn off and after the 1000 guy to do it to me I stopped trying.

Now, I enjoy spending time with my clients. As they will tell you, it is like a date with me. Lots of talking and hot sex. I also was in a long term relationship, so I found what I wanted. But now that I am single....I might try again.

So you never know...the girl you would think would only want to see you for money...might shock you...maybe next time some of you will make the effort to talk to me and see what I am all about.......

Tasha

wow,that was a great read girl i didnt even know you were single sorry to hear that.

[Wiseone26]

...Guys seem to think that all Tgirls are escorts. They think that since we are escorts we must not date unless we are getting paid. This is not true at all in my case. I will not speak for other girls.

I tried for years to find someone to have something with. I was not looking to run away and get married. But I was looking to maybe go on a date, go camping or just hang out. Have someone that I could lay back and watch a movie with and talk about the BS in the world. Someone I would be able to just call up and say "I am board lets go for a drive"

This had nothing to do with money or looks. I just wanted company. You would think that I would be able to find this with someone, but the answer was no...nothing...zero. For free sex or a free webcam show I had a line up around the corner. But say you want to spend a night not based on sex and all that was left were the guys that were best friends with my great grandfater. Even those guys would say that was o.k, till they got there and I spend the night removing there hands or saying "quite the movie is on"

I did have lots of guys I tried with. Lots of guys said thats what they wanted. But as soon as we started chatting it turned into "can I see you on cam" then "can I see your dick". That for me is not fun nor what I wanted. If I wanted to be treated like some sex object then you can pay like everyone else.

Now, if I was in the mood to be treated like that...then that is ok. But trying to lead me onto something that could be real only to see my dick...it was a turn off...
Tasha

Yup, co-sign. But it seems like I've posted a few times guys just treat us non working girls as the same fetish. Chat or in real life everything leads to sex for them and the damn thing between our legs. A lot of times they turn out to be married or want discrete. Sorry. I could rant and rant for hours but I let Rantsalot do that here. Comes down to this if a guy is only interested in sex with me I have not time for him. The door is over there, use it. Is it guys are afraid to be seen in public on a daily basis. I believe most guys make a stereotypical judgment on tgirls, perfect body, big boobs, 100% passable and surgeries (there was a thread a few days ago about this) Guys here is some advice, some of the nicest girls may just not be stereotypical, not 100% passable, not have DD's or surgeries. When it comes to a relationship it is more so then just looks it is what is in the persons heart, someone that wants a relationship and not material things and money.

hmm, rant...I'll stop there...

but mentioned before most guys that come here are just looking for the fetish/sex discrete aspect. Not real life stuff.

[tslisaparadise]

Yup, co-sign. But it seems like I've posted a few times guys just treat us non working girls as the same fetish. Chat or in real life everything leads to sex for them and the damn thing between our legs. A lot of times they turn out to be married or want discrete. Sorry. I could rant and rant for hours but I let Rantsalot do that here. Comes down to this if a guy is only interested in sex with me I have not time for him. The door is over there, use it. Is it guys are afraid to be seen in public on a daily basis. I believe most guys make a stereotypical judgment on tgirls, perfect body, big boobs, 100% passable and surgeries (there was a thread a few days ago about this) Guys here is some advice, some of the nicest girls may just not be stereotypical, not 100% passable, not have DD's or surgeries. When it comes to a relationship it is more so then just looks it is what is in the persons heart, someone that wants a relationship and not material things and money.

hmm, rant...I'll stop there...

but mentioned before most guys that come here are just looking for the fetish/sex discrete aspect. Not real life stuff.

i dont thik all guys are like that 99 per cent are id say lol,but guys are pigs period when sex becomes the be all end all its time to get another boyfriend and there are in a line up a mile long.

[Tasha Jones RIP]

agree

Yes Lisa, Dan and I have been off and on for awhile. Things sometimes just do not work out. You try and stay friends which leads you back together but the problems are still there....I mean 14 years is a very long time to be in a persons life...but as they say "shit happens". Besides he is a great fuck and someone who I can total be my messy self with and he still loves me...same goes for him. It is like that warm bed in the morn....you never want to get out of it. Also the fear of being alone again has kinda kept us together, but that can only last so long before the rest is just to much to deal with and makes that bed very cold!

I also agree that most guys just want sex. For me, I really would not mind if that is all they want as long as they are honest about it. Even if they gave me my movie and some chat would be fine with me...as long as I understand the game plan and they do not tell me what they think I want to hear.

Or the worst is clients who try to go that way just to get a freebee....we my not be the smartest about somethings in life....but we know when someone is trying to work us....that is sometimes the problem with being in this line of work.

Also, most guys want to be with us becauses it is something new, something different something that they want to try. Most do not see us a people but they see us as "TranSEXUAL". Overall it is more about there needs and wants then our own..I mean my god....in public at a movie, dinner, camping for a weekend...shock...

I met this guy in Sudbury....Alyssa knows him. He tried everything to get into my pants and used the "lets spend time together" I turned him down flat out. Then the next day he shows up at our hotel with Alyssa, they walked there dogs together. She had no clue that me and him had been talking for sometime and that he was trying for hours to meet with me the night before.

We all ended up spending sometime together and I was very turned on by him...not just sexual but on a personal level, there was something there or so I thought. I ended up talking to him though my whole trip. No cam shows not about sex..it was nice..I felt something. Not a life long thing....just a here and now! I was looking forward to getting back to see him and see what happened..again was not thinking life long or anything for that matter just the couple days I would be in Sudbury.

In Winnipeg I really did not want to go on with the trip. I was home sick, lonley and was burnt out. So I message him and ask if he might be intrested in maybe getting a cabin for a couple of days...in the woods no one around..great sex and some time together to just hang out and do some fun things. Yes, he removed me from msn and did not say a word to me again. Until I email him and call him out on his BS and said ... if you just want sex from me why play this game...your hot and I was into it I told u this. I was not looking for anything other then here and now.

So he emails me back and says I am reading to much into it, that his msn was fucking up and that he had to go to Ottawa for a couple of days. You know what why not just be honest..like I cared that you were a pig and only wanted sex in my hotel behind closed doors...I was up for it...but just thought since you have no job/life as you told me you might want to do something fun...and the best part it was on my dime...

Oh yes was in Sudbury and guess who I did not see..no call, no email no nothing. I even emailed and said "come over and give it to me" I was not going to do it because I do have some self respect. But wanted to see what he would do....

Thats twice now that I have tried this with a couple of guys. When I went to Banff the samething. But at least there the people who I asked were really buzy and did not lie to me why they could not make it. But my point is that it had nothing to do with money as I was the only offering to pay for the vacation...my mistake...should have known better.

Who would think we might like a personal life as well....shocker...

Now boys, I am not saying your all like this...I am just talking overall as a group....god maybe I talk to much...this is not even my post...sorry C if I am over posting my personal thoughts/shit....lol

Tasha

[kristopin]

intense

great read this thread. i am alone for the first time in 32 years and i find it has both moments of being really lonely but i am starting to enjoy my place and my time. being single again is letting me do things i otherwise could not and finding myself is wonderful. i can do anything i want at any time. freedom and peace. but still there are those times of loneliness that can get intense. open the brandy or roll one.

cheers i hope you all find that special someone.

[capitus]

Tasha don't worry about posting your personal thoughts here...that is what it's for...

It seems that some of you (most of you?) have experienced a guy just seeing you as a chick with a cock like an internet porn vid...I'm guilty of that myself as you can see...but I really, really didn't want to be 'that guy'.

This forum is kind of messed up in that it combines transgender issues with escort reviews leading some to conclude tgirl=escort, with all the baggage being an escort brings (she's easy, no feelings, etc.) which in and of themselves are not true for most.

Kris, I think lonliness is part of the human condition and no one is immune. Not even beautiful people, not even tgirls, not even wealthy people, not even astronauts.

I think people that say 'The morale of the story is...' are stupid and pretentious, however the morale of the story is we are all people with real feelings and should be treated that way. I have never found a time when the Golden Rule didn't apply.

[sensual_lover20]

Do u remember when we first met? I was a bit pushy with you poor Lover...lol...I was doing a video and tried to drag you in there...that was my way of saying hello..lol

We have had a couple of chats and I am sure we will have lots more...I think your a sexy cool guy...

Tasha

I remember vividly. However, I did end up declining for more reasons than being "camera shy". I was referring to our conversation outside the club where you came and apologized for your pushiness which ended up resulting in a great one on one conversation. However, at least I got a sexy out of you here. That guy you had was the whole nine yards physically, I feel like a school boy in comparison to him.

[handpuppetboy]

Thats twice now that I have tried this with a couple of guys. When I went to Banff the samething. But at least there the people who I asked were really buzy and did not lie to me why they could not make it. But my point is that it had nothing to do with money as I was the only offering to pay for the vacation...my mistake...should have known better.

Who would think we might like a personal life as well....shocker...

Now boys, I am not saying your all like this...I am just talking overall as a group....god maybe I talk to much...this is not even my post...sorry C if I am over posting my personal thoughts/shit....lol

Tasha

I offered in one of your "on tour threads" to take you and Alyssa out for diner and be a chaporone, but none took me up on my offer.

I would enjoy nothing more than to go out on a date with any of the girls on here I call friends, as friends, not as a sexual object that I rented for an hour. For myself I cannot get my head around paying someone to go out for diner and conversation, but I guess you girls do get paid for that all the time.

I actually came here a long time ago to meet and chat with people in this forum, with an eye open to dating and a possible LTR,(even for the working girls) as I am not the jealous type and understand that for you girls it's a job. I can easily get my head around the working part of your lives, as I was in an LTR with a girl that stripped when she was younger for a living, and I also ran a swing club here with her as well in our later years together. I felt (after reading some books and other material) that a trans gendered male to female person was able in more ways to relate to males better (look at Lisa, she golfs and can kick ass as well) , maybe I am wrong and should not believe in everything I read. For me the attraction is not about the penis or the fetish/something different aspect, it is about the inner person.