Taking female hormones

[chantel]

I can't get surgery and even if I could, I would need so much. FFS would be important because I just couldn't pass at all unless I was on my HRT. The hormones work for me. They did change me, my body and my face even.
The only thing is, I have this option and this option alone.
So, you bitches have it good. I've stated that numerous times. I wish to fucking God I was an escort with nice tits and way passable but I'm in poverty, under a doctors care but have no therapist and even my doctor is not an endo.
What happens to me is I get prescribed HRT to transition but it's really based on my mental well being. Before hormones I was suicidal.
I took hormones because I had to. Because it was hormones or a blade to my wrist. I chose titty skittles.
After a year and a half maybe of HRT, I am so fucking crazy from it...
I can't even tell you just how fucked up it is. I risk getting bakered if I do.
My gender dysphoria is so bad that it renders me useless and unable to function.
Here is a brief run down of last night. This is ONE night in my life. I suffer these things every night, every moment.
I did everything in my power to look female prior to working. I was pleased with what I saw for the most part. I looked at myself and agreed that I looked passable. It took me one hour.
I get in my piece of shit car and off I go.
The first hour of work, I had a co-worker mock me.
I had a new co-worker look at me after being called "he" by somebody who makes it a point to do it EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS.
He cocks his head to the side with a disgusted look.
Two of his friends join him to work. They are dying laughing, all of them.
I can't break down in my work place so I venture outside.
I fall to the ground and cry. Not just like some sobby bullshit weep weep...
I grind my teeth until they hurt, claw my face and arms, tears that just will not stop while I rock back and forth in the cold.
I manage to get up and go to work.
I labor for hours in a state of dream like awareness. I have thoughts of very.... dark things.
I reflect as I work and come to the conclusion that I am in a fact a pig. That my body and face and dick is not even human. This why the call me "it". Must be, why would they say that?
I break down in my isle. A man walks in, so I leave. I go to lunch.
I can't eat and have no money at all.
It's cold and all I do is smoke these hand rolled shit smokes. They are disgusting and the only time I have a real one is when I work overtime for a pack of FUCKING SMOKES.
I lay down and cry. After some time I get up to fix my hair and apply lipstick and shit. I use my visor mirror. I see a pig. I see a manly, disgusting fucking pig. A sick horrid reflection so I hit it.
I take my fist and just wail at it. The first strike broke it, shattering it. I have c*^s and bl^%d all over my knuckles.
I don't even bother cleaning. I just sit there and cry.
I realize that I need to go to the bathroom but I can't be seen so I use my hood and pull it over my face.
I walk around with a hood over my head a bit low over my face for another seven hours. My eyes are blood red and nobody is aware of what is wrong.
This is like.. every fucking day, night..

So, I'm stuck on hormones. Even worse, I'm desperate. I'll just leave it at that because I need to be careful about what I say.
I just... do what I need to do.
No chance of FFS, SRS, implants...
Just hormones and upkeep. No pretty, no life, nothing, just everything based on HRT and the chance that I will be presentable. I'm an ugly bitch with an ugly mind and it was not the HRT that did it. It was public expectations.
I was happy.
When somebody calls me a boy..that happen to you girls? LOL no. ok. Well, when somebody calls me that, it feels like I been shot through the head.
Sometimes, I run into a bathroom and puke. I really throw up.
So...
Cherish your life.
Understand that?
Cherish your LIFE.

.. hon i think your to hard on yourself,dont put yourself down,a lack of confidence will show in your integration with others,people can see that..im not passable myself but i consider myself presentable and have very few problems if you can become more confident things will fall into place and others will look at you in a different light...all the best xoxo

[Tonia Lee]

=)

I want like...
Bad fucking things to happen to you. Bad things.
I wish I could I see it. I wish I could just watch you in more pain than your weak fucking mind could take.
Fucking pig.
I bet your the child of a pig as well.
Is your mother a pig?
I bet she is. Just the proud mother of an ugly little pig.
Piece of shit.

[tslisaparadise]

I want like...
Bad fucking things to happen to you. Bad things.
I wish I could I see it. I wish I could just watch you in more pain than your weak fucking mind could take.
Fucking pig.
I bet your the child of a pig as well.
Is your mother a pig?
I bet she is. Just the proud mother of an ugly little pig.
Piece of shit.

now tell us how ya really feel lol dont be shy i know its in ya

[Tonia Lee]

now tell us how ya really feel lol dont be shy i know its in ya

You sure, kiddo?
Here, I wish this was Horizon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCIbyFyG4bA
Only, I would be a shemale with a drill and far less forgiving.

[Tonia Lee]

Enjoy that LOL?
Barbie, you look great. You have a fun personality and I bet you rock in bed.
I have GD. I don't know if you have ever felt that kind of shit. It's horrid.
Your right for the most part. I was fem but just very small. This worked in my favor and I feel that the HRT was substantial. Many people in my life tell me that about 90% of shit that I believe is false.
Here is an example.
I have had about five sessions of hair removal. I need (badly) to get the kind of hair removal you had done. So, I ask about it. I'll ask a friend or whatever, "Can you see anything having shaved?"
The tell me, "No. Sometimes you have a little irritation but that's all."
I see it. I see something wrong in me because I do not agree with my gender.
We all had a motive for this and mine was "different".
I was fucked up to begin with, very unpredictable and "unstable".
I was a sweet guy and had a few chicks to have fun with. Fuck, I miss that.
I mean... I really want some chick in a bad way.
I had to sacrifice my personal life, friends, some family and all kinds of shit to take that step.
After a year, I probably do pass and look fine but in my mind as long I see anything that reminds me of being a guy...
I fucking wig. Bad.
The HRT works but it's like giving a mental patient some kind of pill that works to balance them but in turn, hurts them in some way.
Like, ok... You can have this drug and your face, body and mind will fem out like you want. Cool. Great. Neat.
Now, I'm fucking "moody". I mean, I'm just crazy.
I act passive. In public, I want to be likable so I make others laugh and have fun. When I'm just by myself, I feel like shit. That's why I put my hand through that mirror. It just came out of me.
No sleep, overworked and trans. That shit sucks and you put stress, pressure and demand on her and in time.. she will fucking break.
I felt bad.
I went to my crisis lines. I have one that is online and they are so great.
I'm never suicidal and they have a NLT Crisis Chat for TS's.
I talked and talked... they listened and helped me.
I feel better. I think your right, though. I can't keep getting worse and I am fine just as is.
If I could do things to lower my doses, now that would be fucking GREAT.
I had a good night last night. I passed... flirted and all that. It was fun.
I just need that peace of mind all the time.
Barbie, the e-mail was private.... I didn't want you to share that but since you DID, when your tits developed with HRT, how big did they get?
Also, are you concerned about aging without an anti-androgen?

[kitana.mai]

I've been on hormones for about 5/6 months now. I fly down to LA to see Dr.Odea (he's supposed to be one of the best, I defiantly recommend him) and I get pellets put in my ass and I bring home lots of shots. I've changed lots from the hormones - more curves, softer features, face changes, pretty much more feminine all around. There's always the cons of it, if you're an escort or if you like to use your dick - can't get hard, no cum, and some lose their sex drive. Viagra fix's the erectile dysfunction for me, I'm fine with no cum or clear cum, doesn't bother me. And I haven't really lost any of my sex drive.

Emotionally? I find myself thinking a bit differently and getting upset about things more often, but I catch myself before I voice it. I think to myself that it's the hormones making me so uptight or emotional. So I usually just forget about it.

About the passing and not passing. Everyone is different. And I believe life as a t-girl will always be difficult. Even for the girls who pass more than others. We all have problems with finding a real job, discrimination and ignorance from others who don't understand us, being in relationships, so many problems!! You just have to accept you for who you are and hold your head up high. I know some people look at me weird and some people talk about me, but if they see that it breaks you down, it just fuels them to do it some more. Believe you are a women, and others will see it.

But I will always suggest hormones, they will change your body and mind in ways that surgery can never do. Although surgery does help lots too We're not born female, so we have to do whatever we can to achieve the realistic image we want.

[Ray]

Round about compliment

Well I never thought I would say anything nice about Barbie because of her often nasty attitude and because I do not find her attractive after all her surgeries. I did not realize that she had posed for Yum until her post in this thread so inasmuch as I am currently a member I decided to check her out. I think she WAS really cute when she posed for those pictures and videos ( I did say this was a round about compliment).

[shemale_patriciaM]

The problem with hormones is doing them and combine them with hardocre drugs or even smoking cigarettes....then you have a BIG problem. My suggestions to all tgirls is that choose between drugs or hormones and not do them at the same time.

[Horizon1]

I want like...
Bad fucking things to happen to you. Bad things.
I wish I could I see it. I wish I could just watch you in more pain than your weak fucking mind could take.
Fucking pig.
I bet your the child of a pig as well.
Is your mother a pig?
I bet she is. Just the proud mother of an ugly little pig.
Piece of shit.

=)

[Tonia Lee]

The problem with hormones is doing them and combine them with hardocre drugs or even smoking cigarettes....then you have a BIG problem. My suggestions to all tgirls is that choose between drugs or hormones and not do them at the same time.

Can you elaborate on why smoking is bad if your on HRT, please?

[kitana.mai]

Well smoking or doing drugs in general is bad for you. Hormones itself already change the chemicals in your brain and mixing that with drugs will alter it even more.

Smoking? I'm not too sure, but it defiantly can't be good for you.

[Jizelle]

Ive been undergoing my HRT for almost 4 years. I started just after my 17th birthday.
At first my dr only started me on low dosages of estrogen, she said it was to see how my body would react, so this is without anti-androgen (tblockers). At first it had a very strong impact on my mood. I've never experienced severe mood swings like I did during the first 6 months of HRT. However with counseling and an open mind to the experience I learned how to control myself but still to this day experience severe mood swings. It wasn't until a year ago when I was prescribed my test-blockers did I notice more physical changes occurring. While I know of the severe side effects from undergoing HRT, to me it's all worth it. Ultimately my doctor gave me a decision, live unhealthy without treatment or change my lifestyle and continue with it. So ladies, drink 8 glasses of water a day, do cardio 3 times a week, dont be scared to lift weights, watch what you eat and DO NOOOOTTT SMOKEE cigarrettes.
Tonia the reason you do not smoke while on treatment is because of the severely increased chances of fatal blood clots and direct link to strokes and heart attacks. Synthetic doses of estrogen increase your heart rate and chances of irregular heart palpitations and smoking does the same. with double the risk you're asking for trouble.

[Tonia Lee]

Oh, God, girls I smoke a pack a day.
I am such a heavy smoker and drinker.
I can down a bottle of Black Velvet and a pack of Newports in an evening.
I better cut that shit the hell out.
Anybody need a "Quiting Buddy"?

[tslisaparadise]

Oh, God, girls I smoke a pack a day.
I am such a heavy smoker and drinker.
I can down a bottle of Black Velvet and a pack of Newports in an evening.
I better cut that shit the hell out.
Anybody need a "Quiting Buddy"?

lol,i smoke a pack a day clearly its bad for the lungs but as for blood clots i argued that with my doc and theres no clear study that can and has detemined a direct link to heart attacks and clotting but hey if you can quit do it.

[Rantsalot]

=)

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