Joke of the day

[orange juice]

Re: Joke of the day

Defence Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what
Happened to you on April 1 this year?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting in my swing on my
porch on a warm Spring evening, when a young man comes creeping
up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since
my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honour, his rubbing made me
feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just
laid down and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

Defence Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!"

And that's when I shot the little bastard!

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

video of a drunk guy taking a flaming sambuca shot, with the fire still lit.

The Flaming Sambuca

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

how about the Anna Kournikova shoe?

Anna Kournikova tennis shoe

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

Best for the last, an amazingly funny magic show.

A funny magic show

[flick]

Riddles for the day

Riddles

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.

The first is full of raging fires,
the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

Post your answers, for example
1. ***** refers to the answer for question 1

4. ***** refers to the answer for question 4

Lets see who is the best riddle solver here.

[jake]

Re: Riddles for the day

Riddles

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.

The first is full of raging fires,
the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

Post your answers, for example
1. *****  refers to the answer for question 1

4. ***** refers to the answer for question 4

Lets see who is the best riddle solver here.

1. The room with lions in it, they are dead.

2. She took a picture of him, developed it and hung it on the wall.

3. Freeze the water first and then cut the jugs off from the frozen water and put the blocks in the barrel? Not sure about this one.

4.

5. Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day

6. the letter "e" is not used at all



Good post!!

[correlious]

Re: Joke of the day

4. Matches

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

Very Good foofox, 4 out of 6 , answers will be posted Monday, unless of course, you can beat the deadline by then! Good luck.

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

My mistake, It's jake who go the answers correct.

4. charcoal

5. you can use xmas eve, xmas day, boxing day, it is not wrong, but, if you want to use three consecutive days year round, it's YESTERDAY, TODAY & TOMORROW.

[flick]

Take this Test, if you dare!

Freaky Test


Don't read ahead, or you'll ruin the fun!!

Take this test and don't cheat.

Take 3 minutes and try this - it will freak you out! This game has a funny/creepy outcome. Don't read ahead, just do it in order. It takes about 3 minutes.

First get a pen and paper.

When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know, and go with your first instincts.

Scroll down one line at a time - don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun!


1. First, write the numbers 1 through to 11 in a column.




2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.




3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.


4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family) in the 4th, 5th and 6th spots.

5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.

6. Make a wish












Stop! Do not scroll down until you're finished answering the questions!






And here is the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.




2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love




3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out




4. You care most about the person you put in 4.




5. the person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.




6. the person you name in 6 is your lucky star.




7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.




8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.




9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind.


10. And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.

[flick]

tiresome Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes:

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom

[curious]

Re: Joke of the day

hi yu i always wondered does that go for blonde men being blonde im not sore chow curious

[flick]

More stupid blonde jokes!!

More Blonde Jokes: 

Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

[flick]

Re: Joke of the day

Even more Blonde jokes

Blonde Jokes:

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

[flick]

My very own advice column!!

Savage Flick or Ask Flick

Q. My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A. Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him it totally selfless. This shows how much he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A. You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to men is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q. My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A. This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two. It's a great time to clean the house, too! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A. Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with is, do it on your own time and ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q. My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A. I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.