Advice from fellow bottoms

[Hockeydude89]

If I wanted to proceed to buy a "toy" where would you recommend hiding such an item if you live with someone...someone in particular. Namely a partner you might not want to see such an item. Conversations regarding these sort of things with this person are always very awkward, although she is bisexual herself so I would expect a bit more understanding but not really. So I can obviously only imagine the conversation we'd get into if she found such an item in my possession. Doubt it would lead to a break up...but definitely quite a bit of tension

[Alexis]

hmmm..

Well..

Couple things..

This is the dildo I would recommend..

Very realistic with a nice feeling skin and the same size as my dick..

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

It's pretty low odour too so it doesn't smell things up with a latex or PVC scent..

Put it somewhere that she isn't going to look..

Like your underwear drawer..

I think the hard part is going to be hiding the enema douche thingy..

You'll want to get into the habit of clean play.. trust me..

Way more fun..

[Hockeydude89]

Well..

Couple things..

This is the dildo I would recommend..

Very realistic with a nice feeling skin and the same size as my dick..

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

It's pretty low odour too so it doesn't smell things up with a latex or PVC scent..

Put it somewhere that she isn't going to look..

Like your underwear drawer..

I think the hard part is going to be hiding the enema douche thingy..

You'll want to get into the habit of clean play.. trust me..

Way more fun..

Thanks, I was looking for something realistic too lol

[etrigan]

Consider:
-Does she put away the laundry? Then sock drawer no.
-Does she clean? Then under the bed no.
-Do you have an area that is "yours", like a desk? Bottom/back of a drawer perhaps
-Tool box? Storage area?

You want somewhere that won't show constant access per se if you are putting it somewhere uncommon.
Keep the douche with it, because clean play is fun play!

[Hockeydude89]

Consider:
-Does she put away the laundry? Then sock drawer no.
-Does she clean? Then under the bed no.
-Do you have an area that is "yours", like a desk? Bottom/back of a drawer perhaps
-Tool box? Storage area?

You want somewhere that won't show constant access per se if you are putting it somewhere uncommon.
Keep the douche with it, because clean play is fun play!

Drawers are possible but still risky. I have my own sock drawer and I do my own wash, so she's not likely to go in them but sometimes she does put away my wash to be nice. Desk drawers are more possible but I am a bit paranoid. I have a lock box. I use to keep my porn in it now I just keep papers and stuff in there...I have the key and she never asks to go in there unless I ask her to put something in it. Still a bit paranoid though lol

[tek1234]

Well..

Couple things..

This is the dildo I would recommend..

Very realistic with a nice feeling skin and the same size as my dick..

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

It's pretty low odour too so it doesn't smell things up with a latex or PVC scent..

Put it somewhere that she isn't going to look..

Like your underwear drawer..

I think the hard part is going to be hiding the enema douche thingy..

You'll want to get into the habit of clean play.. trust me..

Way more fun..

I have that dildo , it looks and feels very real , great choice

[brendan888]

Buy it for her
and just use it

[Hockeydude89]

Buy it for her
and just use it

I thought about that. I don't know how she would feel about me getting her a toy though. She owns a butt-plug that she hasn't touched once in two years and she has no clue how many time's I've used it myself lol

Someone ought to use it...she paid $13.00 for it. She only knows that I used it twice, and didn't mind the first time (was actually her suggestion) but she got awkward with it the second time. So I just started using it and not telling her.

[merelypink]

get a small lock box for it

[bb420]

simple, just keep it hidden in your butt at all times
lol

[Momofuk-u]

Seems like YOU are making this into a big issue, not your partner.

No one is cheating on anyone by having sex toys. So really there is probably nothing truly threatening your relationship at stake here.

My advice:
You should have a conversation with your partner -- which may involve some feelings of awkwardness, but I think honesty always gets you much further in the end. This conversation should be confident, positive and up-beat in tone (you should have a happy look on your face too, body language is always important), and you can start it by saying something direct like, "hey baby, I wanted to tell you something exciting I've discovered about myself from playing recently with that butt plug you bought a while ago. I discovered that I really like my ass being stimulated, it's such a huge turn on for me, it's like a whole new sexual organ that I never realized could bring so much sexual pleasure. You might not get it cuz you're a woman and don't have a prostate, but for me, ass and prostate stimulation feels amazing... maybe it's similar to a woman's G-spot being stimulated. And I know it doesn't make me "gay" cuz I'm totally into you and I love fucking your delicious pussy." (I threw the "I'm not gay" etc. part in to dispel myths that she's not satisfying you).

You can add that you've discovered that your ass is as much a sexual erogenous zone as your cock and balls are, and that in your life, you want the opportunity to enjoy sex as much as possible. By adding ass play into your sexual equation, you get way more sexual pleasure than just cock and balls play alone. And most people get satisfaction from being able to sexually stimulate and get their partner off, and you're basically offering her an instruction manual by telling her what gets you off. So she should be pleased with this new knowledge you're offering her.

Now take a moment and think about all the really positive outcomes that are possible from telling your partner about your sexual interests in ass play, butt plugs, dildos, prostate stimulation, etc.

- no guilty feelings EVER AGAIN with your partner about the fact that you like ass play as part of sex

- no guilt about owning and using sex toys -- and that goes for both of you. Perhaps maybe even your partner has herself been sneaking around you secretly using sex toys she's been hiding from you, on her own, out of fear that you'd feel bad if you knew she was using toys -- that perhaps you couldn't satisfy her with your body (which btw is a very common MYTH held by many individuals in partnered relationships) but really she just enjoys toys like you do as well... you never know unless you COMMUNICATE, no?

- she might get turned on and may even ask if you right then and there if would like her to play with your ass with a toy (or even offer buy a strap on and start fucking you with it). Think of how you might unlock a whole new realm of sexual pleasure to your relationship.

- become intimately closer as partners by breaking through taboos together (and you are 100% entitled to like what you enjoy / have whatever fantasies you want, etc.) and opening lines for communication in the future about more things you may have been afraid to confront each other about. Build more trust and love with each other.


Personally, I think those awesome possibilities far outweigh the short-term embarrassment this type of conversation might result in.

I am a guy, BTW, and I try to live in a truthful way at every opportunity I can. It always works out best to know what you want and to be honest about it with others. And when a situation like this arises, it always offers the opportunity to grow by challenging your fears and assumptions that have arisen in response to the situation. By seizing the opportunity (and you should see it as a time-limited opportunity, so "act now"), and by plowing through those fears and assumptions with actions (like having a truthful conversation, in your this case), you will likely never have to face those particular fears again, with your partner, or with any potential partners in the future either.

Basically, you will FREE YOURSELF from these particular demons... and I mean "demons" metaphorically, not religiously.


Yours in truth and male solidarity,
Momofuk-u

[Hockeydude89]

I think all of this is a good idea, however, we've done it all before. I've always been the most open honest person I can with her and she has been the same with me. When she bought the butt-plug I was with her, we were down center city and walked past a sex shop and she randomly decided she wanted to go in and buy one. I offered no disagreements and instead encouraged her to buy whatever she wanted. In fact, it was her idea to use it on me one day while giving me a blowjob and while I enjoyed it she didn't want to do it again the next time. I told her I liked it, but for some reason she was against using it again.. We've discussed plenty of options in the past but she's really against the idea of a strap-on, it's a turn off for her for some reason. I don't really know why but I'm not going to push the subject with her because I don't want to make her feel obligated. There are many other things we HAVE discussed. I am not that secretive with her, she knows I'm bisexual and she knows that I am into t-girls as well, she just doesn't really know how to feel about it. We've talked about that as well, despite the awkwardness of it all.

I don't particularly feel guilty about any of the things I do you see, because she pretty much knows about it all. I think personally, the main issue comes from the fact that for some reason she is still putting herself down about her own sexuality though I can't seem to figure out why. For example she has come to me on many occasions saying she wants to do stuff with another girl. I would tell her okay, that's fine as long as I'm aware and it's not being kept secret from me. For weeks after that she would walk around excited over the idea of hooking up with another girl and then randomly drop the subject and tell me that she wasn't interested anymore.

On another occasion, she came to me and told me she stole a lesbian porn from her fathers collection (I found this quite funny and we both shared a good laugh,) and she told me if I wanted to pick up my own porn collection she would not mind. However, when I bought a DVD her opinion completely changed and she told me to get rid of it but would not get rid of the one she had taken from her father.

Honesty has always, ALWAYS been present in our relationship. Lately we do not talk as much about it anymore because its sort of old news, she knows pretty much all there is to know about how I feel.

[Momofuk-u]

Hockeydude,

Well, if she lost interest in the butt plug, and fucking you with a strap on turns her off, that's just too bad for you. Have you guys ever discussed a GGG policy for your relationship?

From your story, it sounds her flip-flopping on her repeated desire for girl-girl hookups doesn't seem to have any impact on you (or your relationship with her) since you're fine with it. But if the flip-flopping on the butt-plug play (her idea), and the hypocrisy of who's allowed to watch porn and who's not is getting to you and also affecting the relationship, why don't you guys try couples counselling? It would probably be good to have a trusted third-party listen to and advise you both.

What about some form of non-monogamy? You offered it to her, but have you ever discussed the offer being a 2-way street?

[Hockeydude89]

Hockeydude,

Well, if she lost interest in the butt plug, and fucking you with a strap on turns her off, that's just too bad for you. Have you guys ever discussed a GGG policy for your relationship?

From your story, it sounds her flip-flopping on her repeated desire for girl-girl hookups doesn't seem to have any impact on you (or your relationship with her) since you're fine with it. But if the flip-flopping on the butt-plug play (her idea), and the hypocrisy of who's allowed to watch porn and who's not is getting to you and also affecting the relationship, why don't you guys try couples counselling? It would probably be good to have a trusted third-party listen to and advise you both.

What about some form of non-monogamy? You offered it to her, but have you ever discussed the offer being a 2-way street?

Yeah, we've discussed it once or twice. She basically tells me to "do whatever" I want, but she makes it quite clear with the tone of her voice and the way it's said that she would take offense to it. It's a pretty small one way street with her for some reason. I'm open to mostly anything she wants, yet she's got a problem with my interests. If you don't mind me asking, what is a GGG policy?

[Momofuk-u]

Yeah, we've discussed it once or twice. She basically tells me to "do whatever" I want, but she makes it quite clear with the tone of her voice and the way it's said that she would take offense to it. It's a pretty small one way street with her for some reason. I'm open to mostly anything she wants, yet she's got a problem with my interests. If you don't mind me asking, what is a GGG policy?

That would annoy me.

I had embedded a link into my post; go back to my post and click on "GGG policy" for definition and behavioral analysis.