The Trans 'Fetish'

[jackshepherd]

Hello all,

I hope I can articulate my thoughts properly here because its a potentially sensitive topic.

I've always been attracted to girls. The internal monologue or arc to my life has always had some love interest or another, and my hypothetical future with that interest. My preferences have included femininity, and the absence of body hair. Have also preferred butts to boobs. Bonus points for tanned skin and asian ethnicity -- maybe that's why I'm so fond of Asa Akira / Tania Tequila

Anyways, was & identified as straight, though I would joke about if guys voices were more like women and they didn't have body hair I'd be ever so slightly more likely to be bi-sexual. In theory I liked the idea of being bi-sexual as it would mean more of the world for you to experience. I would also think about what it was about women that I found attractive, and what I realized was that while pussy was definitely part of the mix, it wasn't a necessary part of the attraction, just one of many things to love.

I enjoy(ed) watching blowjob porn, and over time realized that certain cocks looked really good! It was around this time that I realized that I was actually really into pre-op trans women -- I don't remember how I stumbled into this world, but I came across this site & knew I wanted to take the plunge.

Fast forward, and I'm most attracted to pre-op trans women. I love anal, so the lack of vagina ain't the worst. More so I realized that I fantasize about & enjoy sucking dick, where as going down on pussy seems more of a chore, I guess I'm just not as into it, or the specific experiences haven't been good idk. I haven't even really enjoyed receiving anal, but the thought and memory of it turns me on so I'm willing to keep trying... I think its also about wanting to satisfy the sexual partner.

My internal arc to life is still the same, but my preferences for what specifically I'm attracted to has had one important edit. Now I realize that this might be an unrealistic fantasy in my head as most trans girls may want to fully transition. I also realize that some view having such a preference as equivalent to fetishizing trans people. Just chasing after chicks with dicks or whatever.

Idk, I feel like a lot of guys chase after girls they find attractive, sometimes without knowing anything about them, they can't help but be drawn to that someone. Some can become creepy, some normal, others suppress it or are attracted to personality as well etc etc. I feel like because theres way more gg's than there are tg's, the same guy behaviour is judged more harshly in the second case. In any case, it's a strange place to find yourself in. I'd probably prefer the traditional dating paradigm if I could, but because it's way harder meeting tg's given the demand & supply problem -- we fulfill our fantasies by experiencing all the services offered by all the lovely people here and elsewhere. What I want most in the session is to actually satisfy the provider, which may not even be possible given the nature of the transaction, though I know some (hopefully) enjoy it.

So is my preference just a fetish? I'm sure I'm not alone here -- we might be hobbyists, but a lot of us probably want something more meaningful and just don't know how to find it so we settle for the simulated experience.

[Shyla Wild]

So is my preference just a fetish?

Better question, does it really matter? Here is my advice, you are on the right track experimenting, being open minded, and very accepting. Why do you care what others think and why do you want to pin yourself down with a label such as preference or chaser? Whats wrong with just being you? You seem to know more about yourself then most and seem to have a certain level of insight; why bring yourself down to the level of the simple minded?

Seriously, you are just you. Not a chaser or anything else.

[jackshepherd]

Thank you for the kind words.

And you are correct, it doesn't really matter, I don't take what others might say personally (hasn't specifically even happened to me but I know it does to others) and don't like associating with labels, but it was just something interesting that I noticed: that while internally I'm a romantic at heart and would like to follow that arc with a trans partner, my behaviour within the companionship industry, or the hook-up culture in the tinder/grindr spaces could come off as a chaser, just objectifying trans women for my own sexual pleasure.

I know that it isn't me and I won't let it change me etc, but I think that's also a fairly common assumption or conclusion made by people, trans people and allies alike. There isn't any point getting into an argument with someone at that point, so I just wanted to see what this community thought of that entire way of thinking in general.

If you're primarily attracted to femininity and dick for example, then femininity and dick could be a pre-requisite to meeting a partner, but it doesn't mean that's *ALL* you'll look for. That's just your initial filter and you take it from there, obviously with some only wanting & caring about the anatomy of their prospective partner while others would value specific personality / lifestyle traits etc.

"There are no men like me, only me" -- Jaime Lannister

[Zeus101159]

There have been, or are, a few bitter SP's that like to group all men on here or who they meet as chasers\closet fags etc. but as Shyla said, you are just you.

Live your life however you wish and be happy.

Which is fine. But it doesn't answer the question of how doing this (sp's) could lead to a relationship. It's a business\way of surviving that isn't conducive to developing much of anything further. Necessarily so in my mind. Not that it couldn't or shouldn't happen but is unlikely to be a good starting point for "most" people. I'm not most people. Maybe you aren't either.

But it isn't a "fetish" in my mind.

fetish ►

• n.
  An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.
• n.
  An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.
• n.
  Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
  
  EDIT: The last dictionary definition is what I've always assumed a fetish to be.
  Case in point.
  I had a friend who would perk up at the sight of a girl wearing barrettes, which I questioned him on. He told me that when he was a young (obviously precocious) boy, his baby sitter wore them. She used to pick him up and give him hugs to her newly developed breasts and his nose was in her hair mashed into the barrettes while his dick was between her breasts.
  
  His wife wears them to this day.
  
  THAT is a fetish!

[justvisiting2016]

** taking an approach that the original post is contemplating relationships beyond the escorting world. Please dismiss this if I am wrong.

If your driving factor were to be femininity and a dick, and you seek an LTR, how do you feel you would handle it if the girl wanted SRS. Would you not pursue the relationship if that was her goal? Would you change your interest level if she made that decision a year down the line< I think that differentiates if you want a legitimate and serious relationship with another human being or just want an experience with a woman with a penis.

I think men who say they want long term relationships with a trans woman need to ask themselves the tough question; why am I here? Do I desire an LTR and since I love penis I want to be with a trans woman? Or, do I just want an LTR with someone regardless of her genitalia?

While finding a trans woman for LTR is difficult due to the relatively small number in our community, it is even more difficult to find someone who wishes to keep their penis forever.

I went on a date with a young trans woman about 3 weeks ago (non escort!) and she brought this up to me because every time she tells guys she wants SRS they pretty much stop any sort of romantic gestures because it really was just all about the penis. So you need to ask yourself these questions before getting someones heart and emotions on the line.

If you can say that you would be LTR with her after SRS, you are good to go. if you feel things would be different or a non starter if you knew she wanted to get a vagina, then you are into fetish territory whether you admit it or not. This is why escorting is great for most guys. However, serious relationship you are taking another human beings heart and trust and you need to respect and honor that with a true self reflection of why you want to be involved with her.

[Zeus101159]

^^^^ Awesome post!
And so very true.

[jackshepherd]

So if in a hypothetical universe, women could cast a magic spell and wake up with a penis, everything else being exactly the same -- and you had the same situation play out in your hypothetical:

You're seeing a girl for a few weeks / dates and she brings up the fact that she will be taking that magic potion in a couple of years and she suddenly finds the guys interest wane or at least shift from a romantic sexual tone, would the guy just have a fetish for vagina? Does it change if she makes this proclamation a year into the relationship?

I get what you're trying to say, but I mean -- if you get sexual satisfaction when the encounter involves a penis, you're either into guys or you have a fetish? I think it's folly to think that a persons genitalia category should be a non-factor when looking for a partner, given that it's a pre-req for life and exclusively hetero people. Obviously the decision will be much harder, tbh there will probably be pain either way, you may choose to stay with the person because you love them that much, where you'd be sacrificing your sexual satisfaction for your love. If every couple actually had to face this choice, I'm not sure what % of people would choose to stay. You'd definitely have large numbers on both sides of the aisle.

In your particular example, I suppose it could certainly be a fetish that person has. But seen from another pov, if you know your sexual satisfaction requires another penis in the equation, isn't it better to walk away from the start rather than stay in and build up resentment, never truly be sexually satisfied and potentially lead to more heartbreak down the road? It would be bad for both you and the other person. It doesn't even need to be about genitalia:

If you really are not a fan of tattoos or piercings, and you meet someone who very quickly tells you of their desire to get full body tattoos and piercings, I think it would probably be a good thing for that person to not pursue a relationship if they knew it just wouldn't do it for them in the long run.

Maybe it's that non-tattoos, non-piercings, femininity with vagina, masculinity with penis -- all these are considered "normal", and so if you have a preference for something that is not "normal", then you're in fetish territory. In this case, my tattoo example would fall flat because the tattoo fanatic is transforming themselves into a fetish and so it's okay to opt-out of that while in the other it means you have a fetish. But I thought the progressives are normalizing the entire spectrum: all peoples and preferences and identities as equivalent and great.

Or maybe there's an underlying assumption that your sexual satisfaction will go down over the years anyway, so stop kidding yourself because even if your partner has the genitalia that turns you on (most), you're never really gonna be sexually content so don't be "shallow" into not being with, or leaving a partner over their genitalia type. *cue the Hamilton song about never being satisfied

[peacecountry]

I don't know. For me, these are all just labels. I don't really care one way or the other what anybody's attraction is. I'm not looking for any kind of LTR so I guess I really don't give it all much thought. I see escorts because that is what I find is best for me to avoid emotional entanglements. I predominantly see GG girls, sometimes pre-op TG and sometimes post-op TG. Part of that is living in an area where touring providers are limited and for me, it's more about finding a quality provider when the opportunity is there and my own schedule allows.
I chat on various forums like this with straight people, gay, lesbian, TG or whatever other societal label is out there and try to just get some insight on various sexual interests in an effort to broaden my own sexual horizons and knowledge. I guess if some wish to call certain things a fetish, that is entirely up to them and so be it. For me, we are all just human beings living our individual lives and I try to maintain an open mind about most things. I guess this a pretty generic answer and doesn't help much, but cheers anyway folks. All the best of the holidays to everyone out there.

[Jake163]

Don?t know or care what made me get into tgirls , all I know is I wish I did it sooner !! Wish I had a tgirl gf !!

[nikkson]

This is a really thoughtful and self-aware reflection, and honestly, it’s not an uncommon journey. Sexuality and attraction are fluid for many people, and discovering what genuinely excites you—especially when it diverges from what you originally assumed about yourself—can be both thrilling and a little confusing.

To address your main question: is your preference a fetish? That depends on how you approach it. Fetishization generally implies reducing someone to a single characteristic or body part, rather than appreciating them as a whole person. If your attraction to trans women is purely based on their pre-op status, then yes, it could lean toward fetishization. However, if your interest is deeper—if you’re open to connecting with them beyond just the physical aspect—then it’s not just a fetish, it’s simply a preference.

[jessiemiller1117]

Fetishes are amazing! There are whole communities that know exactly what they’re looking for. If you’re open to meeting new people in a different way, check out this gay fetish site. You never know what kind of connections you’ll make, but at least it’s an actual starting point instead of just shouting into the void.

[ShadowX]

If somebody turns you on, they turn you on, so roll with the pleasure. Within consent, anything goes.

[Billybobb]

If you are sexually interested in males that is your sexual orientation, likewise females could be your sexual orientation. Some people have a bisexual orientation to both. No one calls these a fetish.

Why, if we are interested in MTF trans or possibly FTM trans, do some people consider this a fetish instead of a sexual orientation and use that as a derogatory term?

There is nothing wrong with having a fetish if it causes no harm to anyone. Likewise you are entitled to your orientation.