"Top 3O Fucking Rules Before Calling A Shemale Escort" ... (B@rbie Swallows & Kimmy)

[Justcurious34]

She thanked me and Kim cause we're so open about who we are and not afraid to be ourseleves if guys like u hate us or not. Most shemale escorts will pretend that they are perfect and love everybody. That's why she appreciates our honesty, unlike the majority of transsexuals, who are worried about loosing business!

" if guys like u hate us or not"


I hate no one in this world
the ones I hated
have gone to a better place

duke

[maddplotter]

There are so many rules in today's society. Whatever happened to fun, frolicking in the sun?

kona

The sun causes sunburn and cancer. Dammit!

[konabuds]

only if you stay in it too long mad.....who says we would be laying still? lolol

[Barbie_Swallows]

This made me smile you girls are to much Thanks for being you

Well i'm glad this made u smile.... I just wanted to add some humour & truth to it combind in one with the top 3O rules b4 calling a shemale escort. This was mostly writen by me of course, but Kim just agreed with it 1OO% after i read it to her over the phone and she said that's perfect to just post it on tgirlforums and shit, lol.

[highplainsdrifter]

When I read the title, I thought here we go get out the popcorn.

But it wasn't that bad really.

Seems like common sense but sometimes common sense isn't common.

[Xytras]

#14) We don't allow our pets or ur own cats or dogs to watch us perform the wild nasty thing in the bedroom. I'm sorry, it's against our religion!


What if its a stuffed toy animal? Can we have a threesome then? lol

[Barbie_Swallows]

#14) We don't allow our pets or ur own cats or dogs to watch us perform the wild nasty thing in the bedroom. I'm sorry, it's against our religion!


What if its a stuffed toy animal? Can we have a threesome then? lol

B@rbie & Kim don't mind at all cause there's an extra fee for that. But u must pray to the higher power Jesus Christ in heaven & see what he says about that controversail question ok, lol. Thank u!

[Xytras]

B@rbie & Kim don't mind at all cause there's an extra fee for that. But u must pray to the higher power Jesus Christ in heaven & see what he says about that controversail question ok, lol. Thank u!

I mean you, me and "Smoochy" ( my stuffed elephant).

[Barbie_Swallows]

I mean you, me and "Smoochy" ( my stuffed elephant).

As long as ur Elephant is not on her fucking period or is the jealous type, which is fine by me. She can watch, as long as she don't touch, cause then i might loose my erection hard on, lol.

[Xytras]

As long as ur Elephant is not on her fucking period or is the jealous type, which is fine by me. She can watch, as long as she don't touch, cause then i might loose my erection hard on, lol.

Gee, I was hoping he can participate. Well( sigh), no deal then.lol

[tslisaparadise]

both me and my girlfriend kimmy are fed up with guys calling our shemale escort adds and asking us stupid fucking questions. So i decided to make a new thread about what to do, and not to do before calling a transsexual escort add. Here's the top 3o rules!

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#1) when you call us, don't ask us if we do outcalls, when u already know that fucking info through our shemale escort add. Very silly.... Lol

#2) if u want to meet up with us, don't fucking text us like every 2 minutes. Otherwise we don't take u serious at all, and you'll be ignored. Be a real man and give us a call & stop being a pussy!

#3) don't call us with private number and expect to meet us in person. We need to protect ourselves and we need to see ur number by a cell phone. And don't tell me it's because ur at the office, lol.

#4) if u wanna meet up with us, make sure to text us a picture of ur self or through email. And by that we don't mean by just ur cock, we like to see ur face too bitch!

#5) don't call us asking stupid fucking questions, like am i gay if i like shemales? We're not therapists ok, we're just tranny blow up dolls to help lonley guys get off!

#6) we don't accept calls from obsessed stalkers or annoying retarded guys that ask us for free sex or discounts just because ur a fucking student.

#7) if ur planning on being a bottom during our session, make sure u shave ur ass hair first and take a shit, cause we don't wanna make a big chocolate wonderland mess! Lol. But on a serious note, if u got a nice round ass that i like to fuck, then we're in business.

#8) we don't accept callers that wish to dress up as cross-dressers. We're sorry, but this won't help us make our cocks hard to give u the fantasy that u want!

#9) please take a shower and or a bath before meeting up with us. We like fresh clean clients, not guys that came out of a dumpster trash can and that smells bad!

#1o) we don't accept clients that are under the influence on drugs, such as cocaine, and other narcotics or who have been drinking. We don't like baby sitting u cause it's annoying!

#11) don't call us and ask us if we're gonna travel outside of toronto, such as the states or wherever. If we were gonna travel, it will be posted on shemalecanada.com on our escort adds. Kim & i will be going to montreal soon & don't call us for the dates cause we'll post them on our profile adds!

#12) stop callling us and asking us if we can do 3somes with ur girlfriends or wives. We only do doubles with each other, but don't be surprised if one gets horny & one the other t-girl don't.

#13) if ur gonna call us just to compliment us by our recent photo's on our escort adds, then just save it, cause we have busy lives doing a million things. Save ur self from alot of trouble & tell us in person.

#14) we don't allow our pets or ur own cats or dogs to watch us perform the wild nasty thing in the bedroom. I'm sorry, it's against our religion! Lol

#15) stop crank calling us, and telling us we're gonna burn in hell for being sinners cause we're transsexual escorts. We'd rather stay in hell with satan and get a nice sun tanned anyways! Lol

#16) if you continue harassing us by calling us private number, ur not gonna get through to us that way to get what u really want from us. Respect our saftey & unblock ur number!

#17) stop asking us how many plastic surgeries we've have had done. Just admire us for being beautiful t-girls. You know u want us, so stop with the million fucking questions. Are we on dr. Phil show or something?

#18) if ur gonna call us and ask us questions like where can i shoot my cum on u, then u will be ignored like yesterdays trash. We like to have some respect u know!

#19) we don't accept callers that are from certain backgrounds due to there constant cheap skate requests. I'd rather have u keep guessing cause i don't wanna offend anybody online, lol.

#2o) stop calling us and asking if we can fuck u bareback. We always use protection cause it's what our parents taught us. Condoms our the best way to avoid fucking stds & aids!

#21) if u have mental problems, such as bi-polar, or schizphrenia, then please call the gay escort adds or regular female hot line. We have enough problems and stress as it is being shemales!

#22) me and kimmy both love big monster cocks, so please let us know before hand, cause it will give us a huge smile on our faces, cause the bigger u are, the better we play and have more fun!

#23) stop callling me and asking me if it's true what my last name says, if i swallow or not. Yes i do swallow, if the guy is my type. But remember "barbie swallows" is just a porn star stage name. Like get real.. Lol

#24) if ur offering to pick us up with ur car, then be nice enough not to get all worried or nervous or scared what the outside world things. I noticed many of are too paranoid, to pick us up in a busy interesction.

#25) stop calling us and asking us if we can use u as a personal toilet and beg us to pee & shit on u. If u want that fantasy so bad, go to a farm land, there's plenty of horses and cows that will be happy to pefrom that for u.

#26) do not call us and ask us to go on our webcam's so u can jerk ur small pathetic cocks. That is very rude to do that u know. We're not sex machines or aliens from another planet, we're humans from god ok.

#27) don't text us asking if we're gonna be at goodhandys tonight. Cause half the times when we tell u we are gonna be there, u losers don't even show up due to low self esteam & insecurities.

#28) why bother calling us, and requests certain outfits to wear during the bedroom. Why don't u wait, and have us surprised u what we're gonna wear for u.

#29) it's really annoying when u guys call us and expect us to tell u everything about our lives, but when we ask u personal questions, u dont anwser none of them. Like whatever!

#3o) when u call us, we find it frusterating when ur wispering over the phone while asking us questions. We all know ur discrete and if ur not alone, just call us when ur wife or gf is not around. Thank u!

b@rbie swallows

kimmy

i just got a call on rule number 5 lol i said just ask barbie lo land i gave him her number.

[Caliente Alan]

I don't post here that often, or post for the sake of posting but reading the majority of Barbie's posts...geez what a freaking attitude for someone in the customer service business. Are you always this pissed at the world?
Oh and Lexi, you are stunning!!

[Barbie_Swallows]

I don't post here that often, or post for the sake of posting but reading the majority of Barbie's posts...geez what a freaking attitude for someone in the customer service business. Are you always this pissed at the world?
Oh and Lexi, you are stunning!!

When u have an x-boyfriend that says he loves u, then the next minute he cheats on u behind ur back & fucks an ugly drag queen name soda & other cheap looking cross-dressers too. I think that will give u a bit of attitude just naturally. That explains why i hate guys in general, cause guys are a bunch of ASSHOLES! What about having a fucking mother, that would call me names and put me down everyday when i used to come home from work or from school. She would say stuff like ur going to hell when u die & ur a fucking faggot, and you'll never be a real woman even if u do get breast inplants one day. I told the fucking cunt, i don't wanna be a real woman anyways, i like being both, just a shemale. Imagine having a mother like mines that would do the sign of a cross everytime she's see's u walk pass by her or puts holy oil in ur milk and forces u to drink it before u leave to go to school.

Yup she did that when i was 11 years old. She would say stuff like, i am possessed by 13 demons, or evil spirits in my body and i need GOD in my life and repent! My mom & other mother fuckers would say stuff like stop listening to Marilyn Manson, cause he's a bad influence on u ect.... I had this crazy bitch johovawitness woman, detroyed all my MM stuff, all my gothic shit at a teenager and destroyed in, and return payed me $1OO. Funny thing is, i got all my stuff back from the garbage bin once she left my place. What about having the same school teacher at age 9, 10 & 11, name Miss. Seath who would make me cry everyday after and during going to school. Yea, she used to say horrible things about me, like i'm satan and shit and i remember one time she asked me, if i was taking any drugs, like smoking pot or doing cocaine, or extacy, or if i smoke or drinking.

I was just laughing, and she asked me to look at her straight in the eyes and be serious. I was like no, i don't do that. She couldn't understand why i was so hyper. She would be such a bitch towards me. I just wanted to die, having a school teacher like her. She was a FAT cunt who was miserable and was taking all of her frusterations out on me. On top of that the principial was also giving me problems too, cause he was of course on her side. I had this chubby girl in school kept calling me a fucking faggot and that i act like such a girl. I told this bitch, say this to my face one more time, and watch what i'm gonna fucking do to u. So she called me a faggot again, so i kicked her in her vagina, and she laughed and said hahaha, that didn't hurt me! Then 10 seconds later she started crying so loud in pain, and said i was gonna tell the teacher.

I was like go ahead u dumb bitch, u started it, u fucking retard, lol. I had many bad child hood experiences with assholes. Hmmmm, let me remember, the time i walked in on my mom having sex with her boyfriend Jimmy the greek. Yup, i was only 10yrs old, and i walked in on them and i was like mommy what are u doing? She yelled at me and said, oh my god, get the hell out of here, ur an evil child, ur sick, ur sick, get out of here, and go move in with ur father! Her bf was a married man, and she didn't cared, she was still screwing him. I had monkeys in my old nabourhood that used to throw stones at me for no reason. I guess they hated me cause they were homophobic cause i was so over the top with my style,lol.

I can go on and on, or maybe just a write a book and explain my fucked up child hood. If u think my life was easy, ur wrong. It was never easy growing up, and it sure not easy now being an adult, lol. Lets just say everywhere i go, people & society are gonna give me problems. I guess they fear me cause i'm different or are jealous cause i'm expressing my indivisuality and there stuck in the closet trying to please everybody else. I realized people hated me cause i wasn't conforming to society standards which what is NORMAL sopposed to be like. Having a cunt mother like mines, that would call the cops on me all the time for no reason, just because she hated faggots! I remember she would talk to be about her sex life as a teenager, how she would have sex with these guys. Now that i'm older and talk so openly about sex, she dosen't like it. Well she should blame her self for raising me like a sex crazed porn child! LOL

p.s. That explains why i never like giving people hugs or kiss's, cause i know one day there gonna betray u and fuck u over big time sooner or later. And i'm usually right, that's why i stay far away from fucking losers!

B@rbie Swallows

[bubblee]

Sad.










.........

[hung&tight]

#27) Don't text us asking if we're gonna be at Goodhandys tonight. Cause half the times when we tell u we are gonna be there, u losers don't even show up due to low self esteam & insecurities.

Do you talk to people like that in real life, or do you just always have something foul mouthed and cunty to say on the internet? Seriously, you couldn't even PAY me to sleep with you. I've never seen you say anything nice to anybody other than a few of the other t-girls on this forum, and you've even talked shit about most of them on MSN.

Again, then quit being a fucking hooker you retard.

AGREED... U couldnt pay me to fuck u with my big cock, lol
All i can tell u Barbie; u really bring the wickedness out of transsexualism