Am I really selling my soul to the devil?

[Meagan Nutwood]

Hey guys.. I just need some advice on my decisions with my future.

I'm sort of in a dilemma here ...There are other things that I wish to do with my future such as carry out a career in the entertainment industry. Although I've gained a tiny bit of popularity in the adult escorting industry... or internet adult entertainment I feel it might shoot my chances of doing something... I don't want to say "positive" because things are what you make them to be. But I mean something on a more general level. To be specific I want to carry out a music career. I totally believe that I am capable of that but I am worried that I'm shooting down my chances some how escorting or doing "adult entertainment".

The fucked up thing is that I'm proud of it when I want to be... or when I need to be. But when it comes to me as an artist... Theres a sense of shame towards the "other half" of me.I feel like I have to choose between both professions.

When I first started escorting I wasn't too sure about what I was getting my self into. But now that I understand the business a lot more with years of experience , I now know what I need to do to actually succeed to my full potential but I'm afraid to go all the way because apart of me doesn't want to be perceived as just another transsexual escort... You know like a statistic(even though its a little too late for that lol )

This is why I haven't taken any offers I have received from production companies and adult websites. This is why I have yet to take professional shoots because I am a little unsure about what my future will become of if I do get more serious with this industry.

My point is that my main concern is if I go professional ... or More established as a professional escort... Does that totally fuck me over crossing over to the regular entertainment business?

I made this thread because I think its time that I actually make some big decisions because I've been playing it pretty safe all these years. And I've been getting the impression that a lot of you want more from me , which is understandable. And as a perfectionist I really want to do some amazing productions and really make statement in what I do... I'm getting tired of being small time I wanna reach my potentials now.

[TrojanBlack]

I say you should just follow you'r dreams and be done with it, with all the shit these big time celebs are doing today, you'r in safe mode. i say go for it, follow you'r dam dreams and dont forget about us little people when you do make it to the top.

[Raging Bob]

TrojanBlack's penis is right! Try looking at it another way. If you make it as a singing star they're gonna try to slag you for being a tgirl. If you make it in the porn world you'll have more notariety, and then they'll try to slag you for being a tgirl pornstar. See the pattern? No matter what, somebody is gonna try to bring you down anyway so you do what you think is right for you, and try really hard to ignore all the naysayers.

Good Luck!!!

[Meagan Nutwood]

You guys are right... I'm a big worry freak. And I can't lie - I am a little scared. But i just wanted to talk about it.. ugh.. god.. SO many thoughts come to mind. Like what will my family think of me ? lol .. Even though i'm sure my mom has clues that I escort or something a long the lines of it. But .. She doesn't know for a fact. I guess... I have to just be own person despite what others think and not let that interfere with my dreams and goals...

[nbdave]

Sex sells, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson would be nobodies if they didn't dump home pornos on the Internet, and there are a bunch of so-called stars whose only way to get publicity due to their lack of talent is to flash their pussy getting into a car or do a nipple slip. Roseanne Barr was an escort (lol), somehow she had a career in spite of no discernible talent whatsoever.

Unless you're worried about your music sales to 88 year old bible thumping grandmothers, you could probably play things to your benefit. Assuming you have the talent to compete in the business your background may give you an extra measure of wow splash factor.

Not sure you want to hear this, but you're probably asking the question whether escorting would hurt your crossover career too late - the Internet being what it is, your pictures are out there and you'd have close to zero chance of keeping your escorting career out of the public eye. It is what it is at this point.

[Meagan Nutwood]

Sex sells, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson would be nobodies if they didn't dump home pornos on the Internet, and there are a bunch of so-called stars whose only way to get publicity due to their lack of talent is to flash their pussy getting into a car or do a nipple slip. Roseanne Barr was an escort (lol), somehow she had a career in spite of no discernible talent whatsoever.

Unless you're worried about your music sales to 88 year old bible thumping grandmothers, you could probably play things to your benefit. Assuming you have the talent to compete in the business your background may give you an extra measure of wow splash factor.

Not sure you want to hear this, but you're probably asking the question whether escorting would hurt your crossover career too late - the Internet being what it is, your pictures are out there and you'd have close to zero chance of keeping your escorting career out of the public eye. It is what it is at this point.

You are totally right and I've thought about that because the internet is pretty much an infinite library of the todays world. and what ever you put out on the internet is basically there to stay. But I thought that "home-made" material would be less extreme than the full blown professional route.

I come from a jamaican background... and I'm first generation canadian. So growing up with a completely hard core jamaican family & they don't play that shit , lol... sometimes I just feel bad about what I do and the decisions I make. But your response definitely makes feel better ... you have some good points. Thank you

[greep]

Well, what do YOU want to do?

What do YOU have the most fun at?


Have you seriously asked yourself these questions.


When it comes to the music business if you havnt made it by 25-26 ish, your never gonna make it. Thats just the way it is. Its a young persons game. You still have time. Especially today (with the state of the music business) its so fucking hard to get popular nowadays-almost impossible.

Also, Have you asked youself: Im I really good enough to make it in music? I ask this question to you because I heard one of your songs on your SMC page, and although I liked the melody, I found the song heavily auto-tuned (which is what you might of been going for). Overall the song was good, but the reason why I bring this song up is because, when I heard this song I wondered are you good enough to sing without AutoTune!,lol.

My point: be you SURE you got the goods. So many people have wasted their lives pursuing a dream they really had no chance at. (Im not saying this is you- I am just playing devils advocate)

Here' s what I would do; take 4-5 months off, get a job, and put aside about $8,000 to put together and album,-- devote yourself 100% to making this album. And look at the results. And take it from there. If it gets airplay or makes a splash, then ditch escorting untill you are 100% sure you are going to be successfull (or not) in your music career.

Remember- you can always fuck!

[nbdave]

I come from a jamaican background... and I'm first generation canadian. So growing up with a completely hard core jamaican family & they don't play that shit , lol... sometimes I just feel bad about what I do and the decisions I make. But your response definitely makes feel better ... you have some good points. Thank you

You're very welcome. I don't envy you that discussion, but families are usually pretty supportive and it sounds like your mom has supported you in the past, or at least accepted your transition. And as you mentioned, she may already suspect what's up, and is still in your life.

[Meagan Nutwood]

Well, what do YOU want to do?

What do YOU have the most fun at?


Have you seriously asked yourself these questions.


When it comes to the music business if you havnt made it by 25-26 ish, your never gonna make it. Thats just the way it is. Its a young persons game. You still have time. Especially today (with the state of the music business) its so fucking hard to get popular nowadays-almost impossible.

Also, Have you asked youself: Im I really good enough to make it in music? I ask this question to you because I heard one of your songs on your SMC page, and although I liked the melody, I found the song heavily auto-tuned (which is what you might of been going for). Overall the song was good, but the reason why I bring this song up is because, when I heard this song I wondered are you good enough to sing without AutoTune!,lol.

My point: be you SURE you got the goods. So many people have wasted their lives pursuing a dream they really had no chance at. (Im not saying this is you- I am just playing devils advocate)

Here' s what I would do; take 4-5 months off escorting and devote yourself 100% to making an album. And look at the results. And take it from there. If it gets airplay or makes a splash, just ditch escorting- untill you are 100% sure you are going to be successfull (or not) in a music career.

Remember- you can always fuck!

I actually grew up in my dads recording studio. My dad is a singer, songwriter ,producer and produces and writes for many fairly known artists. I'm not sure what song you were listening to but I have very few auto tuned songs. I have over 100 recorded demos and the auto tuned tracks I have are usually quick projects, as I like to record tracks as studio exercise on a weekly basis.

I haven't been recording lately because I've been focusing on escorting more than my music. Which i find to be beneficial because I've spent the last couple of years locked up in my room writing and recording and nothing comes out of that but self satisfaction , which doesn't pay any type of bill I know of.

Of course I've thought of whether I am good enough to make it in music and I totally believe that I am. I know how the industry works because I grew up as the fly on the wall. But its being transsexual that kinda fucks with my confidence. I had a pretty rough child hood and a terrible time in highschool. What I usually think is will I be taken seriously? I've received lots of great feedback about my music but the thing is to be a musician its not a reliable source of income. It takes hard work and a lot of money.So escorting supports my music... in a sense. Because Its really fucking expensive for quality equipment and shit like that.

I was feeling like I kind of fucked up my chances to be accepted publicly as an "artist" ...but as one made a point that sex sells and it has actually helped a lot of celebs. So it seems like these days any body can do just what ever the fuck they want to. I dont know.. i cant even explain how complicated this seems to me. Maybe I'm over analyzing this ? its a habit of my to critically think things through... I dont know.. but I was under the impression that I should just do both things and see where it goes.. and thats pretty much what you guys are saying to me. Seems to be the best option ... Only live once..

[kiyana]

I am glad that i am not the only one feeling like this..
I want to be a NURSE, I already have a few medical background. I graduated and got my 2 yr diploma last year of MAY as a medical assistant.
However, after looking for a job for almost five months and NO call backs. I decided to become an escort. And now i am torn between who I want to be and escorting. i know i may sound crazy for saying this, but I think I am liking this escort thing. Its helping me pay for my student loan and my personal needs which is great.
I am thinking of going back to school next semester.
Wish me luck.

Thank you YOKOMI for putting up this thread. It helped me to open up.
As for advice, well Im not really good at it, but i guess all i can say is follow whatever your hearts tell you.

XOXO
Ai-Ko

[Meagan Nutwood]

I am glad that i am not the only one feeling like this..
I want to be a NURSE, I already have a few medical background. I graduated and got my 2 yr diploma last year of MAY as a medical assistant.
However, after looking for a job for almost five months and NO call backs. I decided to become an escort. And now i am torn between who I want to be and escorting. i know i may sound crazy for saying this, but I think I am liking this escort thing. Its helping me pay for my student loan and my personal needs which is great.
I am thinking of going back to school next semester.
Wish me luck.

Thank you YOKOMI for putting up this thread. It helped me to open up.
As for advice, well Im not really good at it, but i guess all i can say is follow whatever your hearts tell you.

XOXO
Ai-Ko

I'm actually glad and well appreciative of you opening up!
I guess the discussion in itself is therapeutic as advice would be a plus.
But I agree with you - I am finding that I enjoy escorting a lot more now because it does help me in many important ways! I am also thinking about going to school for production. Anyway girl , I wish you all the luck in the world

[sensual_lover20]

I really questions someones ability to make it in the music industry. It is dog eat dog and you do not require any certain education to compete. At least when it does not come to classical arts and just vocals. While there is vocal training available, it certainly is not a must to be successful. Trannies are not well accepted anywhere, regardless of escort of not so you will have your hurdles on top of your original one. Mainstream is not ready for tranny yet, but gay is cool. You can likely write and produce your materials out of self-satisfication and likely get a small following by playing smaller gigs. I would not get my hopes up to cash in, however, I don't think you want too. Pay will be little but enough to get by.

Regarding your background in music. If my father owned a restaurant, it does not mean I will be good at running one. In fact, if my dad did not optimally run the restaurant than even being a fly on the wall may not be the best. For myself, my father ran an accounting practice and I lived with him my entire and partly in his business. He is an incredible accountant and even by being this fly on the wall I may or may not be the successful person he is given so many external reasons, besides if I previously was an escort or a tranny.

I think you are aware of all of this, so you can make your choice. Do your passion with little pay or do the so called devils work for mega bucks. It is amazing how money makes people do certain things.

Greep is pretty straight up on their comments and gives truthful posts so I agree with Greep.

On another note, I have a gay Jamaician friend. He said if his father knew it would be over so he is scared. Just so you know, almost every culture takes it the same way as it is not viewed as the norm, even in largely gay populated countries like Thailand. In Iran, they will just kill you. Canadians are more accepting. Take it easy on yourself.

Aiko, you can be my nurse any day of the week. My knees are weak.

[Meagan Nutwood]

You know what.... the best points were already pointed out and I have a more clear perception of what I should do... Thanks

[Meagan Nutwood]

it was just this weird feeling of no turning back with this industry , raises a lot of questions within my self .. but thanks for taking the time lol at least I feel a bit better about this

[Meagan Nutwood]

OH and they kill you in Jamaica too lol