Money!

[Rantsalot]

...

It ain't called Thruway Muffler for nothin'....LOL Check the area code too , 905..hmm...LOL

[ejm]

Money can help you live longer. you do get better health insurance, better food and safer places to live. We also know that less stress increases longevity. But if you look at some of the poorer Asian peoples who live in less industrial regions you will see that some of them are growing into the 90's with fine health. they have good diets and less stress, A BETTER ATTITUDE to life. Attitude is where happiness finds its roots.

[Lani]

Misunderstanding....

Misunderstanding Elementary English

[Tia Phoenixx]

That's hilarious..thanks Lany!

OMG..Looking4sm and others...are you guys blind or what..?

Can you see there is a beautiful asian tgirl in this forums, in her 30s, about 5'7-5'8, 130-140 pounds with a great sense of humor and good heart..

On top of it..she is not an escort!!!!

So let me be your mama san with this regards..

(and don't forget to give me some commisions if you are both becoming a couple..jokes)

[Rantsalot]

...

[ATTACH]380[/ATTACH]

[Rantsalot]

...

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

[Lani]

Misunderstanding......

Misunderstanding Elementary English

[toban]

Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
"Do you have any rye bread?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves.".
She said, "Oh my goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."

[toban]

The Da Vinci Code

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.


But then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left ...... What it really says is:

'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick

[Lani]

Welcome Back!


Welcome Back forum!!!

I thought I was banned for not posting for awhile LOL!
Well! I'll try to post something, but can't promise if it's gonna be boring or what hi hi hi.

[Lani]

For Summers Vacationers

As we're heading towards summer (hopefully) here's a Travel Advisory





WELCOME TO AIR MAM(BOOBS)JA


Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen......
This is your captain PATEL welcoming both seated and standing passengers to board on this Aircraft.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for the missing tire.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India...
And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing in your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record, In fact our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passengers request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary water and Vada Pav.

For our not- so- religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television.
However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to SAUDI Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this Airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible, For the best view, if however, we go a little to close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies through the landmarks!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt.
For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat.

And, for those who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess, who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.....


Thanking you for boar(d)ing

[Rantsalot]

...

I don't want this board to ever go away.

Now here is a true story which you may find funny .... and yeah this happened.

I'm Portuguese...well I was raised here but within the culture.

Took a Spanish course 3 years ago and got an overall score of "B".

Why would that be funny?

Well.....its kinda like you talking English and then going to Great Britain and not understanding the language.....

[qwertyuio]

One summer during college, I got an internship at Pearson. I was driving next to a runway with another intern when a KLM plane landed.

Him: Did you know KLM stands for Royal Dutch Airlines?
Me: Yeah
Him: That's stupid. What language are they using if it's KLM?
Me: I don't know, maybe.... DUTCH?
Him: Oh yeah.....
Me: (laughing)
Him: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!

[Lani]

Thanks!!!

Thank You! Rantsalot & qwertyuio







nasty neighbor







nice tatoo

[Lani]

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

Just a reminder........


Why Parents Have Gray Hair


A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". with the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:


Dear Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that i'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tatoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad. she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better, she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worst things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!