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Originally posted by marinav
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Although transgender people are extremely complex, just like the issues, challenges and decisions with which their situations force them to deal, interacting with trans people isn’t nearly as difficult.
While the trans experience is certainly traumatic, for those who are planning to, in the midst of, or already completed their transition, it doesn’t need to be a stressful or difficult situation for cis people with whom they interact.
The key is simply to do your very best to be nice, and do not pry. The fact is, that person likely didn’t do anything negative to you, and because a transition is a very intimate and personal experience, unless you are extremely close to a trans person, it is none of your fucking business.
Should they open up to you about elements of the process, great. But as I mentioned, transitioning, and trans life, in general, can be quite traumatic, and therefore should not be used as your info source, should you have questions. That is why we have the internet.
…and just be nice. Regardless on if a trans person is passable, addressing them using the pronouns which align to the gender as which they are presenting, is the absolute minimum we can do. If they are not clearly presenting as male/female, just use they/them.
Trans people are very special, and not just because of their unique physical characteristics. Trans people are special, because of the people they have become, due to the inevitable pain and emotional trauma and hardship they have navigated and endured.
They are often the most empathetic, compassionate, tolerant, and accepting people in the room, thanks to receiving so little of those gestures themselves. They have an acute sense of how it feels to be rejected, scorned, humiliated, hated and basically every other negative action of which humans are capable.
You did not need to post what you did concerning Kamila’s pre-transition photos. You only did that out of a selfish and hateful desire to hurt her, and gain a measure of revenge for the negative emotions those photos caused within you.
The point is, Kamila climbed the mountain. Kamila fought the soul-shredding battles, endured the abuse from disgusting bigots, and more bullshit than you could probably ever imagine.
Kamila put in the work. She deserves to celebrate anything she views as a victory. She earned it. As I mentioned, transitioning is an extremely complex journey, filled with indecision, self-doubt, and crushing emotional trauma, brought by not only complete strangers, but close loved ones, as well.
The least you could have done, was respected Kamila, and recognized the monumental achievement it is, whenever a trans person survives the war, and comes out alive on the other side.
Instead of realizing everything she has been through, you decided to drag her a little further, simply because she posted photos you didn’t like. You could have just ignored them, or even decide on your own, that she is not your cup of tea.
…but you didn’t do that.
You had to initiate a public discussion on something which is none of your fucking business. Just try to put yourself in her shoes, and imagine the emotions she will experience, reading the needlessly hurtful things you said… and caused others to say.
You were called out as transphobic, because that is exactly what your actions were. You have no right to cry victim here, because, through your bigoted behaviour, you brought the negativity you’re receiving onto yourself.
I have no idea who Kamila is, but I know she is probably a much finer person than you. A person who is every bit as deserving of kindness and respect as you or me.
The fact Kamila was able to even post those photos, shows how strong and proud she is. I don’t think for one second that the hurtful bullshit you posted will stop her journey to become the most genuine version of herself. She walked through the fire, and survived.
That deserves everyone’s respect. The same goes for every trans woman in this forum. The strength and determination against all odds, ignorance and hatred is beyond commendable. I, for one, salute you.
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