and now its time for humour

[kristopin]

i remember that one.

This thread may as well end here because this is the worlds funniest joke.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fun...e_in_the_World

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmnOpoGAPw


or is it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke

glad to see your sense of humour.

[capitus]

...this thread had me laughing so hard I had a Havana Omlet...

[ShaunaWilliams]

And this is a personal favorite, after spending many years in university:

Philosophy 101

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A"" when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

This one reminds me a lot of this youtube video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYprh_qG9k

[tslisaparadise]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

wow,its a good thing shes hot lol

[kristopin]

a good laugh

sometimes we just gotta have good laugh.

[maddplotter]

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for
the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a
sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and
ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it
back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at
the bar.

"For fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going
on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke
shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off
in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't
expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"

[kristopin]

omg

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for
the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a
sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and
ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it
back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at
the bar.

"For fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going
on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke
shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off
in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't
expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"

fuck thats funny.

[maddplotter]

"I'm waiting for a bumper sticker that says, 'We have a son in public school who hasn't been shot yet, and he sells drugs to your fuckin' honor student.'" -George Carlin

[tslisaparadise]

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for
the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a
sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and
ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it
back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at
the bar.

"For fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going
on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke
shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off
in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't
expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"

omg,thats good lol

[Wiseone26]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsUGhJNkAUY

[ShaunaWilliams]

So here's a joke a friend of mine made up. I haven't seen it anywhere on the net so I assume he really did make it up! So it's a freshie and it may not be a goodie, although I think it's pretty funny. It's definitely a good one for the grammar nazis of the world! Anyway, here goes...

So there's a guy I know who works in a factory producing those "foam fingers" you always see at American sports events that say "We're #1" on the front. He's having some trouble and his friend Bob comes up to help him.

Bob: What's the matter, Frank? You look upset, maybe I can help.
Frank: Oh, well, it's just the fact that I hate to see my countrymen on screen with these foam fingers, chanting "We're #1!". With the economy the way it's gone, I feel like I'm disillusioning them. It just feels dishonest. I think I'm gonna have to shut down the factory...
Bob: Hm, that's quite a predicament...

Bob and Frank sit and contemplate the situation for a few minutes, suddenly Bob brightens up, he has an idea!

Bob: Well Frank, I think I may have a solution for you. I know you don't like your countrymen chanting "We're #1!" when you know it isn't true anymore... But think of it this way, the American education system has been going down the tubes for years, do you really think anyone would notice if you just took out the apostrophe?

Ba-dum-tch!

*** Spoiler ***
For people who aren't big on grammar (not pointing fingers here, lol), "we're" (meaning "we are") without an apostrophe is were (past tense of "are").

[cooldude]

Actually that last joke wasn't bad. Here are a couple of jokes I heard.

A couple of newfies are coming by car to Tornto. When they gat closer they see a sign that says "Toronto left" so they go back home. Haha.

What is white and 10 inches long? Nothing.

A guy walks into a bar and puts his dog with no legs on the counter. He orders a drink and the bartender asks him the dogs name. He tells him the dog has no name. When he orders his second drink the bartender asks him again for the dogs name. the man gets angry and tells the bartender "What is the use of naming him cause he can't come when I call him!"

A group of scientists want to perform an experiment mating a human and an ape. They decide to put an ad in the paper for $500 to mate with an ape. After a few weeks they get a response from a Polish guy. He comes in and says, "Before I do this I have three requests. One is that no one can ever know about this. Second if there are any children they must be brought up Catholic. And third is that I can't pay the full $500 now so can I make installments?"

[maddplotter]

Ok, put your mind in the gutter for this one:


Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man
doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling
me how you know if you've had a good night out?"

The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I
lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good
night."

The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower and
a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over,
I know it was a good night."

The third one turns around and says, "If I get home, rip
off me knickers, throw them against the wall, and they
stick, then I know it was a good night!"

[tslisaparadise]

Ok, put your mind in the gutter for this one:


Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man
doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling
me how you know if you've had a good night out?"

The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I
lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good
night."

The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower and
a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over,
I know it was a good night."

The third one turns around and says, "If I get home, rip
off me knickers, throw them against the wall, and they
stick, then I know it was a good night!"

eeeewwwwweeeee

[kristopin]

dont eat

[ATTACH]5065[/ATTACH]


try not to eat too much garlic