A Little Levity

[markerverse]

Italian Wedding Anniversary
The secret to longevity in marriage...

- The Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to
take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed
to stay married to the same woman all these years.

- Luigi replied 'Well, I've tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money
on her, but-a, da best is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

- The Priest immediately commented, 'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration
to all husbands!

- What are you planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary...'

- Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm-a gonna go back to Italy and get her.'

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

I would like to join Markerverse in his objective to infuse some humor to this board and in his word some levity, which is healthy for everybody, coz, we all know that aside from sex the other way our bodies can produce the cancer prevention endorphin is thru humor and laughter and since not all of us can have sex most of the time as much as we want to, here's the alternative. And so if you click on this post and not a little bit interested close it right away as there are still the sex reviews and blogs here specifically for you. so here's some funny anecdotes to follow up what Markerverse have posted.

Description of a wife differs as we get on thru the years;

First 1-5 years of marriage : wife is like a fresh oven baked chicken...nice smell and look awesome to eat!!!

After 5 up to 10 years: wife is likened to a meat loaf. can be eaten for breakfast and....left for a day and still good to eat.

Wife after more than 10 years of marriage: can be compared to a can of sardines...can be eaten if there is really no other choice..ha! ha! ha!...


Reporter to Bill Gates wife: "How does it feel to have sex with the worlds richest man?"

Bill Gates wife said: "No big deal... The world knows why he named his company Microsoft"



A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "PAW WHAT'S 'AT?" The father ( never having seen an elevator ) responded, "SON, I DUNNO. I AIN'T NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I AIN'T GOT NO IDEA'R WHAT IT IS."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. they continued to watch until it reached the last numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a voluptuous young blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....BOY, GO GIT YUR MOMMA....


One morning in a broadcast radio station a radio announcer had an old male guest audience who wants to make an appeal.

Radio host to guest: What can i do for you sir?
Guest: can i make an appeal here in your radio program for someone in my family?
Radio host: Sure no problem ( seeing as the elderly have a hard time reading his appeal because of his age ) by the way how old are you sir?
Guest: i'm already 98 years old!
Radio host: Wow! your really that old i'm surprised and amazed! go ahead sir with your appeal coz, were live on the air.
Guest: Dad please come home now! grandpa isnt mad at you anymore.!!!



A womanizing husband died. in the requiem mass, the priest said about the deceased, " An honest man, a family man" et cetera. The widowed wife ask her eldest son, can you check if it's really your father in that coffin"

[youngboy4ts]

Re: A Little Levity

hahaha ...


thanks for sharing..

Respect....

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

More humour.....




Husband and Wife arguing...

Husband: What more do you want? i stopped four of the five bad habits and vices i have e.g. drinking, smoking, gambling and womanizing!

Wife: So whats the one that you keep?

husband: Lying!


There was this good old barber in a city in the united states. one day a FLORIST went to him for a haircut. after the cut, he wanted to pay the barber but the barber replied, "I DONT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I'M DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE" The florist was happy and left the barbershop.

The next morning when the barber opened his shop, there was a "THANK YOU" card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.


The following day, a POLICEMAN went for a haircut and he also wanted to pay the barber after the cut, but the barber replied, "I DONT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I'M DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE." The cop was happy and left the barbershop.

The next morning when the barber opened his shop, there is a "THANK YOU" card and a dozen freshly baked donuts waiting at his door.


On the third day, a FILIPINO software engineer went for a haircut. he also wanted to pay the barber, but the barber replied, "I'M SORRY I DONT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I'M DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE" The Filipino software engineer was happy and left.

The following morning when the barber opened his shop, he had a big surprise! There were a dozen FILIPINOS waiting for FREE HAIRCUTS!!!




(To my fellow Filipinos dont get mad at me this is just a joke!)

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

And more......


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



WORDS


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.....
30,000 to a man's 15,000
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION


A man said to his wife one day, "I dont know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so i would be attracted to you!

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

And more.....



PARROTS

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "father, i have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment.
"You know." he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots.
Which i have taught to pray and read the Bible.

"Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase
in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
"put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"




JUST A JOKE!

"Chinese Names-Annie Wan (Anyone)"



Caller: Hello, can i speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator: I Know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well...just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)? was involved in an accident.
Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, and
Avery Wan (everyone) is also on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Soh Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

[696969]

Re: A Little Levity

Your jokes were awesome, specially the Parrots!
Thanks

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

Your jokes were awesome, specially the Parrots!
Thanks

Awww! thank you 696969. And thank God It' Friday!
So for your indulgence, here's some more jokes!



Boy: Can I touch your software?

Girl: Show me first your hardware!

Boy: Can I install it in your system?

Girl: Okey...if you cover it first with Anti-virus!




WHO'S GUILTY?

Wife dreaming in the middle of the night suddenly
shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window and realizes, "Damn!
I am the husband!"




One Afternoon In The Doctors Clinic


Doctor: Here take this cough medicine, three tablespoon in one day.

Patient: I Dont think i can do that Doctor!

Doctor: Huh! why?

Patient: I only have two tablespoon in my house!





Joke of the Day!


A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror
taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby."
She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well,
There's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
( Services for the husband will be held on saturday morning 10:30am at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel).




AND HERE'S A SAYING TO LIVE BY:
1. Birds of the same feathers, are the same birds.
2. Do not do unto others what you can't do.
3. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone.
4. If others can do it, don't help.
5. Tell me who your friends are and i'll tell you mine.
6. Early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon.
7. An apple a day is not an apple at night.

[Aston Martin]

Re: A Little Levity

I did get a good laugh. Thanks

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

I did get a good laugh. Thanks

I'm so glad you like it! Here's some more for appreciative members here like you. ( HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT )





TEN FRUITS



Pete, Allan and Jimmy are three hunters captured by Cannibals in the jungle.
They were brought to the tribal chief to be executed by means of beheading.
The three friends pleaded to the chief to spare their lives.
The chief agreed, but with 2 conditions.

Chief: Alright! I'll stop the order to behead you, but I have two conditions.
First; each of you must collect 10 fruits from the surrounding area and bring it over here,
and I will tell you the next thing you must do.

The 3 hunters went each separate ways to find the ten fruits ordered by the tribal chief.
Pete was the first one to comeback, bringing with him 10 oranges.

Chief: Now one by one insert that fruits in your anus without twitching or any changes in your facial expressions,
or you'll be beheaded!
Pete tried to insert the first orange when he writhe in pain and let out a scream, he was immediately beheaded.

Next to comeback is Jimmy, bringing with him 10 pieces of grapes.
He was so happy while the chief is explaining to him on what to do with those 10 fruits

Jimmy: Oh! It's peanuts! I'm so glad I collected the small fruits.
Jimmy have no problems doing the chief's order. But while he's trying to insert the last grape to his anus,
he suddenly burst into laughters! and suddenly too! he was beheaded.

After Jimmy died he went up to heaven, where he met his friend Pete again and they chat.
Pete: Darn jimmy! I was watching you up here while you're doing the tribal chief's order,
just one more fruit left and you should still be alive today! why? what happened?
Jimmy: Oh! It's so easy and I have no problem inserting those grapes in my ass,
but when I'm on the very last piece, I looked up and saw our friend Allan coming, he is carrying 10 watermelons!






Husband went abroad called his wife and said:
"I sent you a cheque of countless hugs and kisses. Did you
receive it?"
Wife: "I did. I encashed it with our neighbor."




TWO FRIENDS TALKING


Josh: What happened to your ears?

johnny: I am ironing my pants when the phone ring
and I accidentally picked up the iron.

Josh: Why is it on both ears?

Johnny: Somebody called again!





Teacher: Write a short story in a few words discussing
Religion, sexuality and Mystery.
Student wrote: "My God! I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is?"






3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck.
Fu decided to go back to China.

[696969]

Re: A Little Levity

where do you get these jokes? and is this a portrait drawing of you?
Very beautiful eyes! and very succulent lips!

[Rose]

Re: A Little Levity

where do you get these jokes? and is this a portrait drawing of you?
Very beautiful eyes! and very succulent lips!

Looks like Angelina Jolie to me.

[Lani]

Re: A Little Levity

where do you get these jokes? and is this a portrait drawing of you?
Very beautiful eyes! and very succulent lips!

Looks like Angelina Jolie to me.

Sorry! I cant reveal my source. Rose is right this is a sketch drawing of Angelina Jolie made by a talented Master Artist friend of mine. But, My looks really can't be very far from her. LOL!

Now here's some more of the needed levities in our lives (for those who for some reasons cannot visit their special girls)





GETTING OLD


Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
do you know you've got suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered,
"I have a suppository in my ear" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now i think i know
where to find my hearing aid."





An old couple went to see their Doctor to consult their being very forgetful.
"Doctor the husband asked, what should we do, we forgot almost everything we do and should be doing?"The Doctor said, thats a normal thing that happened to people as we grow old, "From now on you've got to list down
everything you have to do so you'll remember", Ok Doctor! the wife said. As soon as they're home they sat down and watched T.V. then as the husband stood up to get something from the
kitchen, the wife asked "where are you going?" I'm getting something to drink the husband replied.
The wife said 'Oh dont you want to write it down so you'll not forget what it is, remember what the Doctor said?'
No need, I do remember what I'm getting, I'm going to get some juice. Ok! the wife said, while you're in there could you also get me some ice cream dear! Dont you want to list it down so you wont forget? No need! the husband angrily responded , Ok! the wife said, Oh! and also put some berries and whipped cream too please! Several minutes later the husband came back holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a plate with fried egg and bacon on the other, as he handed the plate to his wife she looked at what's in the plate and angrily yelled! "Where's my toast?"

[Rantsalot]

Re: A Little Levity

where do you get these jokes? and is this a portrait drawing of you?
Very beautiful eyes! and very succulent lips!

Looks like Angelina Jolie to me.

Where exactly is markerverse these days?

[Modulus]

Re: A Little Levity

I sent him a message to see...but no response hopefully he's ok