A Little Levity

[lisa]

Re: A Little Levity

Product Testimonials

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!

I've used it all of my married life, because my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I quickly grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go now, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

ha kinda reminds me of one of my fav songs from the dixie chicks GOODBYE EARL

[toban]

Re: A Little Levity

From Germany of course.

[696969]

Re: A Little Levity

a little late but funny!


A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he
writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right
as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden
leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he
receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your
wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company
another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your
wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co

[Rantsalot]

Re: A Little Levity

Q: Whats the fastest speed you can have sex?

A: 68 km/h because at 69 you tip over.

[youngboy4ts]

Re: A Little Levity

Q: Whats the fastest speed you can have sex?

A: 68 km/h because at 69 you tip over.

haha thats funny man ..

thanks for sharing ..

Respect!!!

[lisa]

Re: A Little Levity

Q: Whats the fastest speed you can have sex?

A: 68 km/h because at 69 you tip over.

oh but what a ride lol ty baby that was funny

[sensual_lover20]

Re: A Little Levity

Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A: They both cost $100 and if the rubber breaks your screwed.

-----

Q: What the difference between parsley and pussy?

A: Nobody eats parsley.

[Rantsalot]

Re: A Little Levity

A guy and his tgirl friend have had wild passionate sex ever since they met 2 weeks ago unfortunately the time came where they had to stop as they ran out of protection. In a hurry they head to the nearest pharmacy and as soon as they walk in they see a display that says:

"Olympic condoms - For the Spirit of the Games"

They look at each other and think "Hey that sounds kinda kinky and fun" They both buy the package and head back to the guys place as fast as they can to get down to business.

Once they arrive they head straight to the bedroom and kiss and moan and pant and the woman asks "Hun, I want you, NOW!" and the guy replies " I soooo want you too."

They strip themselves naked and the guy grabs the condom package and opens it. Inside he sees 3 condoms each with a different colour.... gold, silver and bronze. He and his girl smile at each other and the guy asks. "Hun, you know I'm a champion, which one do you want me to use?" Immediately she says " Silver. "

Confused and very angry at the answer thinking his tgirl friend would say gold he heatedly says. "Why the hell do you want me to wear SILVER?"

Calmly and with a smirk the lady replies. "Because for once dear I want you to come in second."

[toban]

Re: A Little Levity


Geriatric sex


Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual
activities.The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she
gets her husband 'in the mood' at night by getting totally naked, lying
in bed, and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.

The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night,
when her husband went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got
totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her
head.

The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic
but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the
second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it
behind her head. However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she
flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
'Gladys!' he exclaimed. 'For heavens sake, comb your hair and put
your teeth in. You look like an asshole.'
_____________________________

STREET SALES-GIRL

[markerverse]

Re: A Little Levity

May I say how pleased I am, so many members have posted humour of all descriptions. I've just had the pleasure of perusing several of the more notable. Hilarious and gut wrenching is a mild description. Thank you one and all for your contributions and support for these forums.

A special 'thanks' to Toban and Jenllani for the kind words. I miss all of you. I'm working my way back slowly. Hope to involve myself in the many topics up for discussion in the near future. Remember, I'm always pleased to receive your e-mails.

[sensual_lover20]

Re: A Little Levity

May I say how pleased I am, so many members have posted humour of all descriptions. I've just had the pleasure of perusing several of the more notable. Hilarious and gut wrenching is a mild description. Thank you one and all for your contributions and support for these forums.

A special 'thanks' to Toban and Jenllani for the kind words. I miss all of you. I'm working my way back slowly. Hope to involve myself in the many topics up for discussion in the near future. Remember, I'm always pleased to receive your e-mails.

Where have you been?

[markerverse]

Re: A Little Levity

Not really that far away. Some personal matters have held my attention these past few months. Now we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and able to make regular contributions to the forums.

Thanks for asking Sensual.

[Rantsalot]

Re: A Little Levity

Not really that far away. Some personal matters have held my attention these past few months. Now we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and able to make regular contributions to the forums.

Thanks for asking Sensual.

The main thing is that you are well. Some of us were indeed worried

[markerverse]

Re: A Little Levity

Appreciate the expression of concern, Rantsalot. Thanks.

[Rantsalot]

Re: A Little Levity

A woman was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.

"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

The woman persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.

Undaunted, she asked. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on her, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before. As the cloud of sand began to settle, she dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"