and now its time for humour

[Shyla Wild]

The Ottawa Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Ottawa. For the first offence, they give you two Ottawa Senators tickets. If you are stopped a second time, they make you use them.

And now since no one is safe, and since their fans decided to tear up their own city Note to the police of Vancouver: Check out Montreal Security after first round game.

How do you keep the Vancouver Canucks out of your yard?
Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Vancouver Canuck with a Stanley Cup ring?
A thief.

How many Vancouver Canucks does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
Nobody knows and we may never find out.

What do the Vancouver Canucks and possums have in common?
Both play dead at home and are killed on the road.

[Shyla Wild]

[mranonymousjoe10]

^LMAO So fucked up.

[toban]

THE OSTRICH

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger , fries and a coke" and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same." says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day , the man and the ostrich come again and the man sats, "A hamburger , fries and a coke."

The ostrich says , "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak , baked potato and a salad, " says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says , "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir, but how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well , " says the man , "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce , the exact money is always there" says the man.

The waitress asks , "But, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs , pauses and answers , "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

[Dita Dior]

[Dita Dior]

[LAND SHARK]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]39757[/ATTACH]

I'll try the pink one...

[fifthace]

Its the truth...

MUSLIMS ARE NOT HAPPY
They?re not happy in Gaza.
They're not happy in Egypt.
They're not happy in Libya.
They're not happy in Morocco.
They're not happy in Iran.
They're not happy in Iraq.
They're not happy in Yemen.
They're not happy in Afghanistan.
They're not happy in Pakistan.
They're not happy in Syria.
They're not happy in Lebanon.
So, where are they happy?
They're happy in Australia.
They're happy in Canada.
They're happy in England.
They're happy in France.
They're happy in Italy.
They're happy in Germany.
They're happy in Sweden.
They're happy in the USA.
They're happy in almost every country that is not Muslim!
And whom do they blame?

Not Islam...
Not their leadership...
Not themselves...
THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!
And they want to change the countries they're happy in,
to be like the countries they came from,
where they were unhappy.

[Raging Bob]

Sad....but soooo true....

[Raging Bob]

....on the same note...

[maddplotter]

Little Johnny joke



Little Johnny goes to school and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny raises his hand and says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher smiles and says, "Wow Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

[Raging Bob]

that "little Johnny"....always getting into trouble....

[Dita Dior]

lexi posted this on my wall
i almost peed my pants.

ms. lexi i love you.

[sexc_khmer]

Uncle Ted is the worst.

Lol... so gross.

[Raging Bob]

lexi posted this on my wall
i almost peed my pants.

ms. lexi i love you.

Lol....almost?