and now its time for humour

[toban]

Worlds Dumbest Cop

http://www.youtube.com/embed/-M4ocodNA5Q

Sorry, the embed didn't work but click this link anyway and you'll get a laugh out of the way it ended for the Tennessee cop.

[Raging Bob]

Congrats on post #1000 'plotter...and as for the joke...funny but sooooo wrong...lol

Shyla, let's start a fund for the victims of the DC earthquake. Send cash, bottled water (Perrier only!) and canned goods (smoked salmon, caviar, Heineken) care of this website.

Give something back to the people who take everything from you!

[Raging Bob]

A married couple has a cat. The wife loves the cat and the cat loves the wife. The husband hates the cat and the keeps pissing and shitting on all the husbands stuff.

One day the husband gets fed up, waits for his wife to go out for a while. He grabs the cat stuffs it in a bag, throws it in the car, drives for an hour dumps the cat out at the side of the road. He gets home an hour later. His wife is home, and the cat is sitting on her lap.

The next day, again, his wife goes out. He grabs the cat stuffs it in a bag, throws it in the car, drives for two hours dumps the cat out at the side of the road. he gets home two hours later. His wife is home making dinner and the cat is at her feet.

The next day, again!!! His wife goes to the store. He grabs the cat stuffs it in a bag, throws it in the car, drives for FOUR HOURS!!! Through the country, across bridges, doubling back to the darkest most desolate place he can find. Dumps the cat out of the car and speeds away. After about two hours, he realizes he's hopelessly lost so he calls his wife at home.

"Hi honey, is the cat there?"

"Why yes" she replies "why?"

He says "Put the little bastard on the phone I need directions!!"

[Shyla Wild]

Congrats on post #1000 'plotter...and as for the joke...funny but sooooo wrong...lol

Shyla, let's start a fund for the victims of the DC earthquake. Send cash, bottled water (Perrier only!) and canned goods (smoked salmon, caviar, Heineken) care of this website.

Give something back to the people who take everything from you!

[ATTACH=CONFIG]32726[/ATTACH]

I still cannot believe the media coverage.

[Raging Bob]

I still cannot believe the media coverage.

Another line from The Matrix Shyla that sums up the media...

"....it's the world that's been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth!"

[chantel]

The Brighter Side

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!"

[Raging Bob]

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!"

LMAO...good one!

[Raging Bob]

[Raging Bob]

If Noah's Ark was real!!

[toban]

Two prostitutes were riding

around town with a sign on

top of their car which said:

Two Prostitutes

$50.00

A policeman, seeing the sign,

stopped them and told them

they'd either have to remove

the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed

with a sign saying 'JESUS SAVES'

One of the girls asked the officer,

'How come you don't stop them?'

'Well, that's a little different,'

the officer smiled,

'Their sign pertains to religion.'

The following day, the same police

officer noticed the same two hookers

driving around with a new sign on their car.

He figured he had an easy arrest

until he read their new sign...

Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50

[chantel]

Little Newfie

>Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge, burly
> >American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck
> >knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop
> >from Korea ." Well, the little Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes
> >drinking his beer.
> >The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by
> >the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the
> >floor. That's a judo chop from Japan ", he says. The little Newfie decides
> >he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the
> >burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and whacks him on
> >the head, knocking him out. The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he
> >wakes up, tell him that was a fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."

[Raging Bob]

>Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge, burly
> >American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck
> >knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop
> >from Korea ." Well, the little Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes
> >drinking his beer.
> >The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by
> >the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the
> >floor. That's a judo chop from Japan ", he says. The little Newfie decides
> >he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the
> >burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and whacks him on
> >the head, knocking him out. The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he
> >wakes up, tell him that was a fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."

You should have saved that one for Canada Day next year....lol.

[maddplotter]

Beauty vs Money

What would you do?


Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandary:

"I don't know what decision I should make. I'm currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn't got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars."

"Hmmm," said Maury. "In your place, I wouldn't hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it's obvious that you're never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I'd send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with that young beauty."

"You're right!" says Pauly. "It's just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice."

"No problem," says Maury, "but, uhhh, could you give me that widow's name and number?"

[Raging Bob]

What would you do?


Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandary:

"I don't know what decision I should make. I'm currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn't got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars."

"Hmmm," said Maury. "In your place, I wouldn't hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it's obvious that you're never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I'd send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with that young beauty."

"You're right!" says Pauly. "It's just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice."

"No problem," says Maury, "but, uhhh, could you give me that widow's name and number?"

I'd dust off that old pussy and go shopping for Porsches......does that make me a bad person?

[maddplotter]

Condom tester