and now its time for humour

[greep]

What do you call the skin around a vagina?






A woman.




.

[maddplotter]

Sperm jokes

A couple of more funny ones.

[maddplotter]

Religous poster

Perfect one to show on a Sunday:

[toban]

Another Sperm Joke!

[toban]

The Ostrich

THE OSTRICH

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger , fries and a coke" and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same." says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day , the man and the ostrich come in again and the man says, "A hamburger , fries and a coke." and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak , baked potato and a salad, " says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says , "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir, but how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well , " says the man , "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something like that, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce , the exact money is always there" says the man.

The waitress asks , "But, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs , pauses and answers , "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

[chantel]

Three Bears

A far more accurate account of
the events of that fateful morning....















Baby bear goes downstairs,
sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is
empty. 'Who ate my
porridge?' , he squeaks.















Daddy Bear arrives at the
big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl and it
is also empty. 'Who ate my porridge?!!', he roars.















Mummy Bear puts her head
through the serving hatch from
the kitchen and yells, 'For God's
sake, how many times do I have
to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up
first. It was Mummy Bear who
woke everyone in the house. It wasMummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded
the dishwasher from last night and
put everything away. It was
Mummy Bear who swept the floor
in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bearwho went out in the cold earlymorning air to fetch the newspaperand croissants. It was MummyBear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked
the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's
litter tray, gave them their food,
and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to
drag your sorry bear-asses
downstairs and grace Mummy
Bear with your grumpy presence,
listen carefully, because I'm only
going to say this once....

f

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE
FUCKIN' PORRIDGE YET!!!"

[chantel]

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: ?What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life??

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ?

?Got stoned once and screweda peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

[Guest]

.

[fifthace]

Mike walks into a bar and sees Ray sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, 'Ray, what are you so happy for?'

'Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.. Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. Tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat'? I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said' It's either screw or swim! She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"

The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Ray sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, 'What are you happy about today Ray?' 'Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't swim!'

A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Ray crying over a beer.

Mike says, 'Ray, what are you so sad for?'

'Well Mike, I gotta tell ya .... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat. So I took her way out, Mike, way WAY out... Much further than the last two I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said It's either screw or swim!' She pulled down her pants and .....













She had a pecker, Mike! She had this great BIG pecker!...
And I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"

[fifthace]

ATM BANKING MACHINE






I saw a one legged Muslim Paki with no arms at the ATM today.


He asked me to check his balance.......

so I pushed the fucker over !! hehehehe~~~

[Guest]

.

[toban]

The Dentist

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

?No way! No needles. I hate needles? the patient says.

So the dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

?I can't do that gas thing either. The thought of having the gas mask on makes me feel like I'm suffocating!?

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

?No objection,? the patient says. ?'I'm fine with pills.?

The dentist then returns and says, ?Here's a Viagra.?

The patient says, ?Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!?

?It doesn't? said the dentist, ?but at least it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

[dom r]

Cindy- ''Did you know a sneeze is an orgasm?''

Dom- ''No I didn't.''

Cindy- ''Yea, the moment of sneezing into a tissue is the moment you reach orgasm and the mucous that comes out can be compared to the cum or ejaculation, so its like the tissue cleans up the cum.''

Dom- ''So you don't mind if I sneeze while I have an erection?''

Cindy- ''No, go ahead.''

Dom- ''Ahhh,ahhhh,ahhhhh,CHUUU. Ok heres some tissue, please clean my sperm off your face.''

(I just made up this joke now).

[rameses2]

What's the last thing they do to an "Tickle-Me-Elmo" doll before they ship them?


They give them two test tickles......

[Wendy Summers]

Hopefully someone will find this as funny as I think this shot is.

May I present to you: a T-girl with WOOD.