and now its time for humour

[Dita Dior]

Lol....almost?

you got me watching it again, im laughing again
it never gets old.
*favorite*

[Shyla Wild]

Jail Vs. Work

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.


IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.


IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior


IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.


IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.


IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.


IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.


IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.


IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

[daisuki888]

I love a good joke.

Q: What's the best way to keep a hard-on?
A: Don't fuck with it.

***************
Procrastination is like masturbation, you are only fucking yourself.

***************

And this is a personal favorite, after spending many years in university:

Philosophy 101

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A"" when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

lol more!!

[Raging Bob]

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.


IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.


IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior


IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.


IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.


IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.


IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.


IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.


IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

That's it Shyla!!! I'm going out to rob a 7/11!!!!!



See you on the inside!!

[Shyla Wild]

That's it Shyla!!! I'm going out to rob a 7/11!!!!!

[ATTACH=CONFIG]40354[/ATTACH]

See you on the inside!!

I'm not going anywhere. I have an amazing lawyer.

[Raging Bob]

Think about it Shyla, the lawyer keeps you out of jail so you can keep working, to pay him to keep you out of jail!

go to jail....and FREE yourself!!!!

[Dita Dior]

[Raging Bob]

Ok....1 more!

[Shyla Wild]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]40382[/ATTACH]

That's my Priest...He's been going through a tough time...

[Lani]

Hehehe!

:d

[Raging Bob]

That's my Priest...He's been going through a tough time...

let's leave that between him and a vengeful God!

[Raging Bob]

:d

[ATTACH=CONFIG]40427[/ATTACH]

Lol....Every chance I get...Yes they do!!!

[LAND SHARK]

Vaginas Take a Pounding

:d

[ATTACH=CONFIG]40427[/ATTACH]

The good ones do.

[Raging Bob]

The good ones do.

For the record Shark....*whisper* "That's not a vagina he's pounding"....LOL


(Still feels damn good though.....heheh)

[fifthace]

Sitting together on a train travelling through the Canadian Rockies were a fellow from Newfoundland , a fellow from Quebec , a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.



The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later, there is the sound of a loud slap.



When the train emerges from the tunnel, the fellow from Quebec has a bright red hand print on his cheek.



No one speaks.



The little old lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have groped the blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek.



The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.



The fellow from Quebec thinks: That Newfie must have groped the blond in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.



The Newfoundlander thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that arsehole from Quebec again.